Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,903 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
Hi. I’m Morgan. I mean, wow. First, before I get into the review, I would like to acknowledge how many reviews you’ve done and how many points you have. Like DANG!!! I’m guessing you’ve been doing this for a while. I’m in the presence of a god!!! *gasping*
Lol.
Anyway, let’s get into the review. I really enjoy this, and I get why it’s called “my gray and Purple Heart”. I like the romantic idea and how you portrayed this with color. The only thing that I have a question about is all the “i’s” that are not capitilized. I feel like you did this intentionally because you’ve been on YWS for so long, and I’m sure you’re experienced and all, but if not, then I would suggest maybe fixing that.
Also, there is a lot of other things that are not capitilized and so I suggest fixing those too. Unless they were done intentionally, then you don’t have to.
So I think you made this with heart, and I think you did pretty good. Good job!
Anyway, good job and I
lovely, honestly when I read this it brings tears to my eyes (not literally but you know what I mean). I love the poem myself but the structure is confusing. I love the use of the colors but I think it would look better if you go lighter colors to dark. The poem sense a little to close together as well I would probably suggest spaces. Also I would try to correct your grammar mistake. Its very pretty and it possesses feeling but I feel not enough. Love poems should be like a letter that you are sending to someone you love deeply. Either than that its wonderful, Great writings!
First of all, I absolutely love the structural layout of the poem, and they use of colour. It's an effective use that links well with the poem.
The use of enjambment show the narrators love for who they are speaking about: they have so much to say, it keeps running on to the next line.
The use of caesura's is also effective, forcing the reader to pause every now and then, breaking the poem down for them so they can appreciate every part just like the narrator appreciates who they are talking about.
Hello there LadyBird!
I am Kostia and I will give you a short review and my personal opinion on this poem.
I will begin with the structure.
I can see you have separated the poem in three stanzas. May I suggest to add a space between them? It would make it much easier to read.
With that being said, I would like to emphasize on your verses. I believe some of them are too long for a poem. You have used very long sentences which makes it confusing to the reader. For instance:
"Black for beginnings.... -....up to see you"
This particular sentence goes on for three verses. I think that correcting you punctuation a bit would fix that.
Moreover I would prefer if that poem rhymed. Even though I am a friend of free verse writing in poetry, I believe that in this case using rhymes would make this poem much better.
I was actually pleasantly surprised by the ending. Your last two verses were brilliantly executed. I really liked what you did there.
Overall, with a few adjustments, this will be a decent read.
Happy writing!
Best regards
Kostia