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138,055 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
I would like to rant on about your poem- with the imagery and style and personification and rhymes etc etc
But..
I just can’t seem to make anything out of your poem. The black and shady letters make it impossible to read anything.
By squinting, (with great pain for first one and last) I made out the words
(You can ask me all you like/About the decay of different/ types and nuclear fading away/but I can only talk about the /decay of my own brain)
So the poem in itself makes us think again because we try understanding it all.. but if you ever want to take a poem out of the green room, try adding some more description, maybe a rhyme here and there and finally some CoMpArIsOn. And get rid of that’s hoeroble style! Sorry, really, but grey on black and black on black- is just too much of a pain for my poor eyes.
I would like to rant on about your poem- with the imagery and style and personification and rhymes etc etc
But..
I just can’t seem to make anything out of your poem. The black and shady letters make it impossible to read anything.
By squinting, (with great pain for first one and last) I made out the words
(You can ask me all you like/About the decay of different/ types and nuclear fading away/but I can only talk about the /decay of my own brain)
So the poem in itself makes us think again because we try understanding it all.. but if you ever want to take a poem out of the green room, try adding some more description, maybe a rhyme here and there and finally some CoMpArIsOn. And get rid of that’s hoeroble style! Sorry, really, but grey on black and black on black- is just too much of a pain for my poor eyes.
Hey there! Let's get this out the Green Room, shall we?
First of all, I think this is a really neat style of poetry! I'm guessing that you uploaded a picture of it, and it looks amazing! The various shades of gray on the black background is a little tricky to read, though, so maybe include the text above or below the image? It looks fantastic, though, and the visual effect really adds to the intent of the poem!
I really love how you compare the decay of your brain to nuclear decay. There's so much that that kind of analogy can mean, from breaking down and releasing energy, but relatively harmless, to some kind of situation that could be dangerous. You left it vague, and I think that that was a smart move, because in this case the ambiguity definitely adds to emotional aspect of the work. Well done!
The biggest critique I have is that when you say "...about the decay of different types and nuclear fading away...," it seems like there was more to that line that you meant to include but skipped over typing. It seems like there should be mention of what different types of decay people might be asking you about. Either that, or the "and" there should maybe be an "of?" That would also make sense in context. Either way, I wanted to call your attention to it.
This is overall a really deep, meaningful piece. It's short and sweet, and packs a powerful punch of emotional appeal and writer's statement. Very nicely done!
Happy Writing!
Toboldlygo
Hello!
Nice! I really love the shading change with the words! It really makes the words come to life, and it gives us an example. I'm kinda confused of what it means though....
Maybe if you gave us a short meaning it would help...
Either than that its pretty cool!
I hope to see more like this!!!
Have a nice rest of your day!
Sincerely
Anma