Forever? are you sure?

Hi, this is Abhipsa, here for a review!

Overall I liked your poem. From your description I expected the poem to describe some of the things that last forever. But it was the total opposite and a unique and nice effort you have made.

But one thing I would like to say, that I disagree with you on the topic that nothing is for ever. There are some things that are. You have described gloomy memories and the beauty of flowers not to be everlasting. But both of them are. Memories come to us time and again, even if they flee away later. And we cannot forget a beautiful flower. Just like Wordsworth has described in 'Daffodils' or Keats in 'A thing of beauty'. Moreover, what about happy memories, or a childhood photograph? These things would always give you pleasure whenever you see or feel them, no matter in what situation you are in then.

Anyway, the best thing I liked about your poem was the fact that you carry a message that sadness is not forever. Though, as I said I do not agree that enchantment of the flowers too don't.

However, it is only my opinion.
You have a lovely work with you.

Keep writing!

Hey it's Mahvash here for a review. That's a really interesting piece of writing. I liked it a lot as well as I enjoyed it a lot. It has got deep emotions. The topic on which you have written this poem is really good and it's true that nothing lasts forever. Everything is time bounded. If we want to make it stay. we can't. And you have raised some good points in disguise .

But there is a little problem in this poem and that is about capitalization. Whenever, you introduce a new line in stanza it should start with a capital letter. Just try to improve this skill and your poem will seem best.

Anyways, You have done a really nice job, Well done.

Wow. Hello ibam rituparna and I really liked your poem.
It had everything in place the thought the concept the proper suspense and great imagery. Such a combination is the basis of a good poem and defines a good author. I would just like to point one part that at first you compared your childhood memories with a attractive flower. But then the poem rather took a different turn. I get what you tried to feature but may be you could have jumped to from bad to good a little slowly. May e another paragraph in transition.
Yet finally I would say its a wonderful poem... Keep writing.

I like this a lot. ^^ You have good diction and imagery. Your flow seems mostly good, and I love your pattern. This poem is very relatable to many people; the way that certain smells or sights can remind you of the past in a sweep of nostalgia. To me, the smell of oatmeal takes me back because my mom used to have me take oatmeal baths to help my skin. There's something sad about thinking back on the past. Things can never be the same, because time is forever changing and shifting. I feel you captured that idea in this piece of poetry.

Thank you ^^
~Joelsweet

YOOOO! HOW YA ON THIS AMAZING DAY MAN! (cause i'm not good...) anyway i'm here as per your *cough* command *cough* to review your work.... so here goes the review!

first the theme.... which is awesome as usual, seiously yaar... gadar hai! tune toh aag laga dei (well not literally) anyway the theme was good, and i really found it interesting.... and since its your very first free-verse poem... *joins hands and stands in a welcome gesture* i'm welcoming you to this awesome new world...

(back to the review)

"The fragrance of flowers,
Adhered me, attracted me.
I went towards the field,bewildered,
Why I got the desire to smell them?"

okay so the opening was really interesting., though there are a lot of *sighs* grammatical mistakes...(and you tell me to pay attention in english...)
first the 'a' in the first word of the second stanza needs to be de-capitalized (is that even a word?). second there is a lack of space between Field and bewildered. and there should be full stop instead of a coma after that. other than that the rest of the stanza is good *patts back* (thats my girl... seems like i thought you well, lol)*ignore that comment*


"The memories of childhood came,
They caressed me, and made me feel like,
Instantly my thoughts were flash-backing,
The bad ones more than the good."

you need to fix this para though... in the second line it would be better if you replaced "they" (which by the way needs de-capitalization 0.0) with "and" that way it will make better sense (atleast it did to me..)
the 3 line is a bit boring... and i would seriously recommend you to make some more emphasis on this line... (its just a suggestion...)
and if it were on me i would personally change the last line to something like "more bad than good, they really make me sad..." seriously thats the thing about free worse poems, you can add whatever you want, it never limits you. (now moving on... )


"In my memories, I saw,
A leaving best buddy, my sad face,
Broken dreams,my tears streaming,
And what not evil I identified!"
hmm so this is an interesting para... and i'm really glad i'm not in it
though i would have written it more like,

"a leaving buddy, my sad face,
dreams which were never meant to be.
and tears streamming down my cheek.
everything i identified as evil, was there"( just suggestions, no need to take them personally!)

"The flowers felt enchanted,
I then knew they were fake.
The memories felt fading.
Leaving, but with a lesson..
Nothing lasts forever!! "

personally, i would change "felt" with "were".
and the second last para as "leaving me, with nothing but a lesson"


I hope that was not harsh, that was really not intended! i agree to the fact that nothing lasts for ever(except our friendship )
overall this was a good work of yours...hope to see more of your works in the future...untill then keep up the good work

your bestie (the one and only)
FD46~

Hello BookOholoc22!

Well, a great poetry! But I would have liked to have a bit more rhythm in it!

And my views on 'Forever'? Okay!

Well really? I am not sure if that is how one feels like while dying! Thinking about what happened in the past and trying to relive those little moments? I am not sure, but, maybe! You can't know what type of feeling it is without dying.

In the poetry, the person that is dying (I hope I got the theme of the poetry right!), he or she fears that this may be his or her last chance to relive all those moments. That is why all those memories are coming back to him or her, the good memories and also the bad ones. Even the person himself or herself is not sure. And we can never know if his or her instincts were right or wrong because once they die, they are gone. So we will never know if we will be able to witness ourselves after we die, unless we die but either way, we will live forever and after in a way.

You cannot think about this logically if you want a 'yes or no' answer. Logic will take you from A to B but your imagination will take you everywhere. So you can have your own theory about the possibility of the existence of afterlife! After you die, you will know if you were right or not!

It is hope that keeps us going! So why not be hopeful and optimistic! I believe there is afterlife, well there is a 50% chance that I am right! Believe me it will make your life way easier.

Even if you believe 'forever' is just another foolish theory, and if you are not a believer, it means one of us is right! But none can ever be sure about it! I hope you will like my theory!

Well sorry if I went off the topic and talked about irrelevant ideas! And I am extremely sorry if I misunderstood you poetry!!

Well, keep writing!!

-M.A.S.16

Hello hello,raindrop here to check this lonely short but still beautiful work of yours!
So now let's start with the first thing the readers see.The tittle.
It is not that catchy to be honest but still goes on fine.You may think of something even better,i am sure of it.
I will review,correct and read at the same time:






The fragrance of flowers,

(a)dhered me, attracted me.

I went towards the field,bewildered(.)

Why I got the desire to smell them?

~

The memories of childhood came,

(t)hey caressed me, and made me feel like, (like what? i just did not understand this part)

Instantly (,)my thoughts were flash-backing,

The bad ones more than the good.

~

In my memories, I saw,

(a) leaving best buddy, my sad face,

Broken dreams,my tears streaming,

(a)nd what not evil I identified!

Then suddenly,

(t)he flowers felt enchanted,

I then knew they were fake.

The memories felt fading.

Leaving, but with a lesson..

Nothing lasts forever!!

I like idea of this work.Nothing lasts forever.I like that you had said it well in the end even if several marks after that are not needed that much.I think your mistakes are easily correctable and not such a big deal in my opinion.I think you did a very great job with this work.I like the whole idea for the fake flowers and fields.Everything leaves but leaves a mark or lesson after itself.