there once was a little girl,
who strived to be like everyone else.
she was so different,
so lost.
until she found a spark,
a spark of hope.
she ran away and followed
her dreams.
this little girl,
who was once lost,
didn't care anymore
what people thought of her.
she didn't strive anymore
to be like everyone else.
she lived with the moment
while she could and
learned to enjoy every bit of it.
she uncovered her true self
to realize, that it was all worth it.
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139,831 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Hello, hello!
I enjoyed your poem, however, I felt you could of explored some more areas so a deeper connection and depictment could be formed with the girl in the poem. Using words that normally would describe something more in depth will add to the poem's entirety. Don't focus too much on the simple things, try thinking "this is me, this is my poem." and portray a picture that nobody could replicate in your style, if that makes much sense at all. I really loved this poem, so well done!
Refer to Eternal's review because they basically summed everything up that I would've said.
Eternity out~
Hey Sunset! Rain here for a quick lil review on review day! <3
This poem is a bit old, but you only had three reviews on it so I thought I'd dust it off and leave a quick one myself.
Compared to the lines above this one, it feels a bit rushed. It talks about her having a spark of hope, and then suddenly she follows her dreams. While I definitely like this idea, I think the transition could be smoother - then it would flow easier and the poem would feel more... rounded and tucked together.
These four lines rubbed me the wrong way. Instead of what you have here, I think it would be better if you moved anymore to the end. So it would be like so:
didn't care what
people thought of her anymore.
she didn't strive to be
like everyone else anymore.
You might have to adjust the words a little so the line breaks match the rhythm of the rest of your poem, but overall I think moving "anymore" to the end just sounds better.
In the moment, maybe?
I love this last line! it just makes my little heart strum with a tiny bit of happiness and hope, which is lovely.
I really like the concept of this poem! The idea, if I'm honest, is a bit overused - but that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you add your own spin and unique-ness to an overused concept, it can become brilliant. And I think you're halfway there; not quite at that brilliant, very unique, but close.
I hope this review helps! ^-^ Happy Review Day, my friend!
~ EternalRain
This is pretty good, and there are no little fussy problems to sort out in the grammar or technique.
! Well done.
I particularly like the way you have used the lines to break up the flow, and give a hesitant, catchy feel to the poem, which is a clever way of getting across the nervousness of the girl.
The only fault I can find is that there wasn't enough emphasis on the constrainedness (spell-check says that is not a word, but who cares) of the girl before she decided to live in the moment. You need to spend longer on this part of it if you want the end to be more of a contrast, and the message to be clearer.
Other than this though, it's great
Hey(: I love the feeling of hope that this poem gives off. It's very relatable and inspiring. I like how you told what could've been a long story in just a few lines. The only revision I would suggest would be to add a little bit more detail to this. Otherwise it's a beautiful poem
Thank you
I enjoyed your poem however I felt you could of explored some more areas more so a deeper connection could be formed with the girl in the poem. Like what was the spark of hope she found or what dream did it inspire her to follow. Having one of those things could of shown more into her personality and what she discovered or how she discover it. Was it by seeing other people like her who were different or was it just a sudden relisation? Your writing style is good but remember to keep flow within your poetry unless you want it to specfically stop and start for a reason, like to promote and emotion or something.
I like the simplicity of your poem as sometimes less is more and in this case it was with the words your chose to use. It was a very simple take on self-identity but is effective as it can be seen relatible due to its broad approach.
Keep writing as it can only improve with time and to share your creativity with the world that definently needs it. I enjoyed and hope to see more of your work.