From the way you talk,
to the way you move,
I think I love you,
and I can prove.
-
I'll pass you in the hall,
waiting for you to speak,
but you haven't talked to me
for weeks and weeks.
-
I'll sit at lunch,
hoping we'd talk,
when all that happens
is nothing to shock.
-
You'll disrupt the class,
with that funny noise,
but I think it's worth it
to hear your voice.
-
You'll make a joke,
and I can't help but laugh,
at your sense of humor,
that distracts the class.
-
I think I love you,
and this is the end,
of my poem of love,
to a crush and a friend.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Heya, sunset!!
This is Eros here to review your sweet poem!
This was a romantic poem full of innocense. I loved this piece. I appreciate that you have used rhyming scheme too. Its quite difficult to inculcate a rhyming scheme in a poem taking care of not disturbing the meaning.
The style of writing is very unique and easy to understand also. I like this. The main them is lovely too. The idea is new and the title is suitable.
So, GREAT job!
Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading awesome works like this one!
Have a great day/night.
This was super cute and I think a lot of people who have\had crushes will relate too it
I really like your poem. Although the rhymes are not perfect, the content alone was enough to convey the idea of young love, for me atleast. But apart from that, this irregular rhyme scheme, in my opinion, also conveyes a sense of teenage love, as it give a sense for the nature of a first crush.
.
Of course you could do better but i am not smart enough to see any major errors in this poem.
I think it is damn near perfect as it is but i think it could use refinement. An example of refining something is the end of the first stanza. I agree with Ellstar on this.
So to conclude : good poem, needs minimal refinement and if you continue in this direction i see a good furure for your writing.
-best regards from GGfreak
This is actually a small piece of art.A masterpiece and i think it is made pretty well.While reading the rhyme is going well with the whole situation you are explaining in it.So bad that i noticed while reading that not every part has the rhyme you had used in the other parts.It just ruined it all for me.I just had gotten in the mood for this rhyme and in the end i lost it but it came back in the end.This shows what the usual relationship between an average teen is with his/her crush.It really makes you relate to it.Almost every each of us could admit they had been in such a situation.It could be better,yes.But it surely deserves the positive remarks.
Thank you.
Welcome!
Good evening, Mr/Ms. Sunset. I'll be reviewing this quaint little poem today, if you wouldn't mind.
Let's start with the minor issues I had with this poem:
-"and I can prove." You can prove what? I think you might've wanted to rhyme this with 'move', but it really doesn't make sense when it's cut short. And besides, you didn't do this:
-"You'll make a joke,
and I can't help but laugh,
at your sense of humor,
that distracts the class." You didn't rhyme 'laugh' and 'class', like you might've done in the other parts. It's very confusing, and sort of breaks the rhythm of things. I suggest either changing these two to make them rhyme, or changing the rest of the poem so that no rhyming is necessary and you can expand on some sentences (ie the other thing I mentioned above).
-"is nothing to shock." I don't know, this doesn't work for me as much. It sort of seems like a forced rhyme and alludes to something the reader can't see.
Now, onto the actual review:
I felt like this poem was pretty honest with what it was trying to say, never acting like the crush was anything bigger. However, I felt like this poem could've used a bit of exaggeration or litotes to give it a bit of flavor. As of now, it's a little monotone in its intentions.
However, I do like how you described the arrangement of your relationship with this person, describing the furtive glances and the frustrating pauses waiting for the other person to speak, it essentially captures teenage romance at its most awkward. I felt like you could've used that frustration to give it a bit more punch, and describe a little bit of how it made you feel, whether it was positive or negative.
For now, though, it's fine as it is, but it could definitely be better.
Signing out,
--EM.
Thank you for your honest review. I can agree with what you say, but in some parts of the poem it didn't perfectly rhyme because I didn't want it to make no sense just to have it rhyme (if you get what I'm trying to say). Thank you anyways, and I will look forward into your review for future poems I write.
Hey, Sunset101
this poem is really very nicely written and i just loved the title "I think I love you". i enjoyed a lot reading this poem.. and title is very significant "I think i love you"
the very first stanza is now in my favourite list:-From the way you talk,
to the way you move,
I think I love you,
and I can prove.
you can extend this poem..
But even when this poem is short, this poem is filled with your inner feelings and i can feel them.. with your way of writing..
rhyming words you used in this poem are "awesome"..
keep working hard.. waiting for your new post..
hey! nice work . keep working hard