Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
The sun shone bright over the snowy mountain tops of the Storm Coasts, a long and imposing shadow emanating from the massive pillars that soar into the heavens like columns built by gods. The fields were draped in the shadow of these mountains, the farmers waking up to a new morning to once again tend their sheep and pigs.
Proit was a bustling city, it’s countryside extending far out into the wilds of jungle, and even a small amount of desert in the more northern portions. Most people enjoyed a nominal life in it’s landscape, not having to fear persecution of any kind, and magic running far and wide amongst it’s capital. Proit itself was the only city in the region, but, it controlled all the land in the area. The whole country was often described as just being Proit, just as how the Anderfells were often called after their city, Anderfell. Of course, over time, small towns have grown under the shade of the towering empires that control the land, but, they were more like outskirts.
High above Proit however, lied the mages tower. A large citadel built to train all whos magic was young and mendable, this, is where the story begins.
Kel woke up from his late nap, sleep still in his eyes from the night before. He had long been a mage at the School of Magic at Proit, almost as long as he could remember for the most part. The comfy bed was reluctant to let him get up though, exhaustion wanting to drag him back to a land of dreams. Groaning in annoyance, he forced himself out of the entrapping sheets that smothered him in warmth as his bare, pale feet fell upon the rugged carpet of the dorm. “Urg.” Kel whimpered in frustration, the sway of movement quickly causing his brain to feel like it was cracking as if an egg. The room itself was quite bare, except for the normal lavished decorations a high ranking magician would have in any mage hall, such as tapestry embroidered with lucrative and bright gold that would reflect off the light of the windows.
Stomping over to his closet, his hand pulled upon the shiny, bronze knob as it swung open, a set of robes stacked in the room neatly and separated into different colors. While it was common for him to be draped in blacks or blues, he did have quite a few colors including pink and red, though they often laid untouched except if he somehow lost a bet, or was feeling rather eccentric for the day. Entering the modest closet, his hands ran across a small switch, a dim blue light flickering into life from above, though no seeable source could be located for which the light could radiate from. Stepping forward, he lazily snagged the black cowl and clothes that he so often wore, the velvet sensation of his clothings send a small shiver through his spine. He loved it’s feeling, and even though he often tried to stay modest in his stature as a higher magi, one of the few things he demanded was high quality materials in his clothing, something he’d say he couldn’t live without if asked.
The silent chirping of birds snapped his attention back to getting ready for the day. He slipped on the robes from above, it’s soft cloth covering his pale, thin skin. He had always been a lightweight, it was often said that one could see the poking of his ribs from his chest, of course, a common myth among the younger students who had seen the mage while he was about his duties. Of course, he held no hatred for them, most of the other mages were much younger than him, as most usually immigrated to other mage towers further out in the world to take up position under an Arch-Mage of their own. Slipping on his cowl, Kel’s hood flopped back as his brown hair poured messily from his head. It was obvious to any who saw him without his hood on, that he was one who had little care about how he looked. Pulling the hood back on, a grunt of frustration coming from Kel’s lips over the menial task of pulling his cowl back up again. He moved over to a large wooden door as he shoved it open, the sweet scent of candles flooding his nostrils. Standing there in the middle of the hall was his master, Thal Silverthrone, covered in his regal purple garb and cap that was typical of a Arch-Mage.
“Afternoon, Kel.” Thal said, a smirk on his face.
“Afternoon? What are you talking about, it’s still morning, isn’t it?” Kel asked, raising an eyebrow as he rubbed a bit of crust out of his right eye.
“Well, that would be true, if you weren’t so lazy and slept in half the day.” Thal said, shaking his head about the foolishness of his apprentice. “Come now, we have work to do, I have no time to continue an argument over you sleeping in late, but next time, I might just have to make you someone elses apprentice.” Thal joked, moving down a hall that was blocked off from Kel’s view by a brick wall.
The mage didn’t want to end up getting in trouble again, at the fear of possibly having the wash the halls or maybe serve food like a lesser member of the Magi order, it made him shudder back then when he had to...the food was truly made to enhance magic affinity, but it certainly didn’t make him feel good remembering what he had to put in it. Swiftly heading down the plain hall, the only thing decorating it’s emptiness being the rolled carpet colored red. Turning the corner, he attempted to keep up with his lord, Thal, but was having an awful lot of trouble. It was obvious to him that his master was messing with him, probably as punishment, but he honestly couldn’t figure out how.
“Arch-Mage?” Kel called out, looking around the continues halls of the tower. He was sure he was around here somewhere...even though the top floors were rather small, it was still possible to get lost amongst it’s plain and similar walls. When Kel asked about it, Thal often said it was simply to confuse people, as he was often one to pull tricks on younger members, and on Kel.
“Hm, yes, Arch-Mage indeed.” he heard Thal’s voice from somewhere. Kel wasn’t too happy about this, he got that Thal was angry, but there was no reason to be cruel. Thal knew that Kel hated being messed with, it insulted his intelligence.
“Come on, master, please, i’m sorry for sleeping in late, but, there’s no need to play this childish game of hide and seek.” Kel said out loud, to no response.
Kel shook his head, half tempted to just ditch him and go and get some breakfast, but...he also knew that if he did, he would possibly get in more trouble. “Fine, fine!” he yelled to no one in particular, lifting his hands in frustration as he searched the rooms.
It wasn’t long until Kel was far more than frustrated with the situation.
“I quit, i’m not doing this.” he huffed, walking to a wooden door that led into a small garden that jutted from the tower. Folding his arms together, he grumbled in frustration, he really did want to practice some new spells today...
Thal appeared before him in a puff of bright smoke, a look of disappointment on his face. “As a child, you used to love that game.” he stated, shaking his head.
“I’m not a child, i’m twenty-one already, you must give me some slack. I’m almost becoming as strong as you!” Kel replied, giving him a look as if he were insulted.
Kel had always been living at the tower, as long as he could remember. The story Thal Silverthrone told him was that, a long time ago, he found him on a small river raft, abandoned. When he took him in, he was first planning to just leave him at the nearby orphanage, but was surprised to see the magical prowess of the baby, he could feel the energy radiating from him when he was so young! It wasn’t long until Kel was a mage who was training almost all the time, quickly reaching ranks that normally wouldn’t be reached by such a young student. By age twenty he was a high level magi in the order, quickly approaching Arch-Mage, possibly to replace Thal. Silverthrone even theorized that at such exponential growth, he might become a Magister, a rank that ever so few reached, even at the peak of age.
“Look, I understand, but you’re still young, you have a lot of training ahead of you before you become an Arch-Mage, I promise you that.” Thal said, his tone becoming a bit more serious.
“But...Look, I just...” Kel was rubbing the back of his hood in regret.
“I’m trying to become my own man, you understand me? Iv’e always been in the tower...” Kel said, not exactly sure what he was even saying. He had long wanted to strike out on his own, even through his love of magic and his mentor were heavy, it just seemed every day he became more and more driven to become something of himself.
“What is the point of magic, if it is never used?” he asked, not really wanting an answer.
“I understand where you are coming from, but you must first be prepared...i’ll tell you what, in a few weeks, we’ll head out to the ford where I found you, we’ll relax on the shore and throw some stones, you do enjoy that, right?” Thal asked, a worried look beginning to form upon his face. “You are my best apprentice yet.” he continued.
Kel nodded, he was fine with that. “Fair enough. I will abide by such an idea, or at least, i’ll entertain it.”
Sitting down upon a stone bench that sat in the middle of the garden, he breathed in deeply, the air tingling with pollen and the sweet smell of flowers. Most of the ingredients for potions were harvested here, but the garden was always well kept, and it was often some of the higher mages would come here to relax or read. Magic of course, was strictly forbidden in this spot, the danger of cause serious injury to the surrounding area or themselves quite great. Several types of plants were there too, not just your normal shrub and greens. Nightbloom was often grown in the more shaded corners, being exceptionally good for curing poison. Not to mention plant types such as Mana leaves, a glowing, blue leaf that is grown in the area. It was easily one of the most sought after plant in the garden, and was often out of supplies. A plant that was able to restore the energy of a mage in mid battle or spell was quite valuable to several magic types.
Thal sat down beside him, putting his arm around his apprentice like a father would do with his son. “Peace is hard for most to come by. With our magic, with your magic, you can craft your own future, but, it is one that you must carve for yourself. One day, I promise, you’ll have your chance to create your own story.” Thal said, flashing a smile at his apprentice before standing.
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Very interesting, I was going through the green room and I saw the later chapters so I thought I might read this one so I know whats going on.
Good start off overall. I got a good sense of what kind of person the main character was. But echoing other reviews, this story is a bit cliched. Other than a few pluralization problems, comma and apostrophe misses, the grammar was fine. Great descriptions all around. The paragraph about the plants in the garden could be presented in a way that doesn't make it seem so disjointed from the story, though. Also might want to show some magic from the characters, even if it is only a bit. Otherwise, good start and looking forward to more.
Other chapters are posted, if you wish to read them!
Hello,
A few typing errors that you have there. Look over it once, they're obvious, or relatively obvious.
I first thought that this might me a Rapunzel story of some sort, but it seems not, if other mages are visiting this mysterious tower, although I could be wrong.
You might want to break up a few of those paragraphs- you've got a lot of text there.
The exposition was peppered throughout nicely, especially for a first chapter.
You may want to consider changing the very beginning to be a bit more exciting, rather than a description, or at least a description of something exciting.
Your descriptions, however, were great.
Happy writing,
~TheEighth
Hi,
I also love the fist paragraph, the description is brilliant! (I'm not saying the rest of it wasn't brilliant but the first paragraph stood out to me the most)

Before I begin can I just say that I'm so glad I can review chapter 1. I'm glad I caught it on the first chapter.
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Ok lets start with the things I liked...
Well I love the title of this story, it's unique and it drags readers in. I was intrigued by the title, well done
I like how the speech is old fashioned, it's interesting how you have added that extra feature in to your writing. Like- "Kel nodded, he was fine with that. “Fair enough. I will abide by such an idea, or at least, i’ll entertain it.”"
But the i'll needs to be capitalised to I'll
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Improvements- I can't find any grammatical errors here except I have to agree with Terian805 that the story is slightly clichéd. It also resembles a lot like harry potter maybe a bit too much, not all of it but there are bits and pieces...
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"Sitting down upon a stone bench that sat in the middle of the garden, he breathed in deeply, the air tingling with pollen and the sweet smell of flowers." - I loved this bit, this part stood out to me.
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Overall I really like the first chapter, Keep writing
EPICnumber1
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Hi bloodsrain! I'm going give you the first review for this novel!
So lets jump into it! Well done with writing this chapter. It was very well constructed! You did a great job with the five senses! I particularly liked "the velvet sensation sending a shiver through his spine," and you used good descriptive techniques such as, "his brain felt like it was being cracked like an egg." I also enjoyed how you maintained the perspective of your main character, 'making them tell the story', if you take my meaning.
I couldn't spot too many grammatical mistakes apart from "He loved it’s feeling," where 'its' shouldn't have an apostrophe, and another which I can't remember!
However, I felt throughout that the story was slightly cliched. With the 'young sorcerer being discovered by the master in his youth' and the concept of the 'foolish apprentice wizard.' I could similarities to books such as 'Riftwar Saga' and 'Harry Potter'. Don't get me wrong, it was a great piece of work, but try to make it more original. It's your book after all so make it yours. Maybe edit the characters back stories, or create a slightly different system of magic. It will be difficult but it's possible!
Overall, well done! It was great piece of work. Keep writing, this will be great!
Heh, thanks guys. I appreciate the reviewing, and, well, while you're right about the clicheness, don't worry, it'll be taking a drastic turn from this kind, almost like "Growing of age" story.