16+ Mature Content

Dark Eyes, Dark Hearts, chapter 2.

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Kel continued to sit there, not wishing to speak more on the matter. “Just leave me be, master, I need to concentrate.” he motioned the Arch-Mage out of the garden, something he didn’t do often, but he needed to think on his own.

“Well, if you insist, but don’t think too long about it. I had such thoughts when I was an apprentice too, it is a normal thing.” Thal assured, walking away from Kel, shaking his head slightly.

The apprentice sat there in silence, leaning back upon the stone bench as the sun casted down upon him, deep in thought. Long had he been stuck in the tower, his youth being a fatal flaw in his power. Long had he since been so much stronger than the others, but was put down because of his lack of age, his lack of ‘wisdom’ as so many teachers before have told him. It was irritating to be put down because of your lack of experience, but even more to be shoved down by something you couldn’t control. To be able to use so much power, to understand everything thrown at him, but to be pushed away because of something as simple as age? It was like being trapped in a prison made of stone, his mind being crushed by the lack of stimulants.

The young mage laid there in the garden, the sweet scents of flowers wafting over his nose as he thought. It was a pleasant smell, but did nothing to help the conflict he was feeling, Soon, it was time for him to leave the garden though, and go back to class.

“Demonology is the study of how demons form in our realm.” Head demonologist teacher Vail Kilinger said, his hands holding onto several small stones. Draped in black cloth, red lines digging into the fabric, he was rather intimidating. It was often speculated that he was once an assassin for hire, or a rogue mage who turned over his leaf, of course, this was blatant speculation. But, even when Kel asked Thal about it, he was often giving a smirk or a pat on the head, never really given a solid answer. “Of course, demons are a constant threat to most mages, our magic is like a conduit to them, so it is of utmost importance to understand the danger of summoning.” Vail continued, pulling out from under his desk a small pot of water. “Water is a heavy conduit for energy, especially for those who specialize in the arts that require it. But, it also has it’s own property, in that it’s essence can lead to demonic formation.” he said to the rather filled classroom.

Kel sat there, bored, his hand resting firmly on his face as the sun dribbled in through the stained glass, giving the room a look of flourish. Nibbling on his lower lip, he watched the teacher cast enchantments over the bowl, the interior filling with a putrid black gunk that smelt like the insides of some animal. “The water can bring about a portal of sorts to the demonic realm, wherever that may be. Small demons can only fit through these small portals, but on a larger scale, it could lead to dangerous results. This is why demonology is mostly forbidden except for cases of wartime.” Kilinger looked at the class to make sure they were paying attention. “And, the only reason for that case, is that it is far too often for opposing mages to dab in such arts. It would be simpler for them to be trained rather than demonic taint spreading to students.” the teacher went off, tossing several stones into the water. “Now, when a foreign object is tossed or held in this realm, it can lead to the creation of small demons, familiars you could say.”

The class fixed their eyes upon the dark liquid, a small spurt of it landing upon the head teacher’s desk. From that spot, it grew and seemed to boil, almost like a festering wound as it grew. Kel failed to really pay much attention, disillusioned by the idea of demonology long ago. He was alright at it, but didn’t find himself really applying it’s use too much. He couldn’t even use the demons for tests, as it was so often attempted by more senior students, as everyone was always watching him. It was quite the difficult situation when it came to that type of magic. As he continued to watch though, his eye caught a glimpse of an eye tearing out of the black liquid. Red, bright like the sun, stared back at the class. Two, long spindly hands ruptured from it’s sides, clasping onto the desk with a snap. The demon’s maw snapped open, it’s darkened fangs bearing down on each other, a look of confusion and anguish forming upon the disgusting face of the being. “A demon will first be confused, but do not put your guard down, these creatures are just as dangerous confused as they are lucid.” the teacher said, placing a large lid on top of the demonic abomination, it’s form turning back into water. “Of course, it’s simple to kill a demon such as this, so small and without any stable power source. But, a being like that of a goat or living creature, is much more dangerous, and often leads to total destruction.” he concluded, sitting down as he tugged on some papers on his desk. “Make sure to study for tomorrow, students.” he called out, Kel filing out with the last of them.

As the young mage walked the halls, he kept his head low. He didn’t know most of the people in his classes, and the idea of having to mingle with them seemed quite foul. “Stuttering idiots, it’s not that complicated.” Kel grumbled, rubbing the back of his head as he walked past several groups of mages conversing. Some, of course, were quite young, but most of them were in their early thirties, or even early forties. For the young mage, he stood out amongst them. He often felt like they were talking behind his back, even though he was acing all his classes. They knew nothing about him. It was too often he felt like he and his master were the only intelligent people in the tower, and his master only because he taught him so much. It was a known fact that he was forced to help students who he didn’t even want to talk with, he hated his lessers. The hall smelt heavily of perfume and the air crackled with magic. The wards that covered the walls were the only thing stopping massive rifts of magic from the sheer amount of mages in that one room. It seemed rather bootleg to simply place minor enhancements to stop a disaster, but it did the job well enough. Senior mages could control the magic they let out, even being allowed to leave once they become old enough. Most mages though, were forced to stay until they learned how to keep the raw energy they secreted contained, and even then, a small few would never end up leaving the Mage Halls and towers of the world.

“Kel!” one of the younger kids said, a small child who was in his demonology class. Even though it was more geared towards older mages, a few had an affinity in the arts of demons, and would be initgrated into the class even at a young age.

“Hrm? Yes, what is it, young one, Calvin, correct?” Kel asked, turning to face the young child as the hall began to empty into the next classes.

The child looked up at him with beedy, emerald eyes, the young magic that had yet to be contained radiating from around him, like an aura. Calvin wore the normal attire a young student would have, a brown set of robes with minor inscriptions to amplify magic. That didn’t help though, as Calvin was one who obviously stood out like a sore thumb, his skin as pale as the moon.

“That’s right! You’re a senior mage, right, Kel?” Calvin asked, a seemingly devious look in his eyes. “You’re the apprentice to the Arch-Mage, right?” he continued.

“Yes, I am. Now again, what do you need? I’m rather busy.” Kel grumbled. Calvin was alright, but the young mage was just like the rest of his classmates, annoying. He didn’t enjoy hanging around them.

“Well, we were wondering if you would like to help some of my friends in an experiment. The teachers won’t let us perform it.” Calvin said, seemingly leaving out details just to bait the senior mage.

“I presume that’s alright. What is it though? Enchanting? Basic elements?” Kel asked, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

“Just standard things, you know! Just come tonight, we’ll meet in the storage room.” Calvin smirked, walking off with a giggle.

Kel looked still at the child as he pranced away, the look of confusion washing over him as he turned around, walking up a flight of stairs into the living space. The entire space was dedicated to harboring the young and senior mages of the school. Not nearly as elegant as Kel’s, they were mass produced to fit those who couldn’t leave, and who were in training to harness their magic. Skipping past a few doors, Kel once again climbed a set of stairs, up to the Arch-Mage quarters. The whole floor was dedicated to the study of advanced magic, alchemy, and elements, as well as the training of an apprentice. For several years now, Kel had been living in the decadent tower, and he had still yet to see every room on this floor. Laying his back upon a nearby wall, his hands fumbled around his person, looking for a pamphlet he had been reading for some time. Pulling it out from the interior of his cloak, he flipped it open as he began to continue his reading.

“The Anderfells have long been at war with the Vesh’na of Sky Rook. Of course, even though a time of peace has approached between the two nations, tensions are still quite heated amongst the two factions. It was often stated that the Anderfells were the Vesh’na’s land to begin with, and has long been disputed-” Kel shook his head, this was all old news. Of course, Proit was never a kingdom that got into wars, no one really enjoyed the idea of causing another mage war. It didn’t concern him, not one bit. Putting the packet away, his eyes drifted upward to a tall man standing in front of him.

“Good evening.” the man said, a black hood obscuring his face. His arms were long...longer than normal. Kel looked at him with scrutiny, he was sure he had never seen this man before. “Good evening.” Kel replied, keeping his eyes locked upon the hooded figure.

“Do you know, why I am here, Kel?” the man asked, taking a step closer. Before letting Kel reply, he continued. “Oh, you’re so ripe...I am sure you will be of great use in the coming time.” he said, his hand extending to gently graze Kel’s face. His hand was cold, like that of someone who had been outside all night, or someone who had frozen their hand solid, it sent a chill down Kel’s spine. “Of course, darkness awaits inside of you...it’s so obvious. No wonder no one will let you leave.” The cloaked man smirked.

“You have a meeting to attend, though. I am here to make sure you don’t miss it.” the sketchy fellow said, his hand that was grazing his flesh gripping into him like the nails of a tiger.

Kel reactively slapped the hand aside. “What are you doing?!” he said in rage, his hand now grasping onto the scratch marks on his face.

“Hold still, it’ll be easier this way!” The hooded man said, his other hand coming to land a heavy blow to Kel’s skull.

The effect was immediate. The young mage felt sick, like he had been hit by a blast of magic. “Wha-what...” he whispered, he himself still in shock that someone would land a blow on him in his own home, before another came and crashed down upon his face. Kel collapsed on the red velvet rug, his nose broken, the mind fading. As the last of his vision began to dissipate, he noticed the ground underneath him grow dark with magic, he himself sinking through the floor.

Comments & reviews · 2
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BrumalHunter
Review

Salutations

The story you have written thus far is interesting, even if I don't like the protagonist much (who does like an arrogant person anyway?), but what worries my is how often you use malapropisms.

A malapropism is a word that is very similar to another - in fact, they are usually homophones - but is incorrectly used in that other word's place, such as "it's" when used in the place of "its". The former is a contraction meaning "it is", while the latter is a possessive pronoun pertaining to an object, animal, or being without gender (or with an unspecified gender). As you can see, it is the latter you had meant, but the former you had used.

Another one is "laid". Now, don't worry about that, since it is one of the most commonly made errors, just heed my explanation:
♦ The present simple verb "lay" means "to put in a horizontal position". Its past simple form is "laid", and its past/present perfect form is "had/has/have laid".
♦ The present simple verb "lie" means either "to tell an untruth" or "to recline", but it is the latter on which we shall be focussing. Its (the latter's) past simple form is "lay", and its past/present perfect form is "had/has/have lain".
See how confusing it is? Just read through this explanation several times, and you'll be fine.

Don't be disheartened by these flagged errors though, as they are minor. Overall, your writing is actually very good, and the story is interesting to boot, so you have nothing about which to worry. In addition, your characterisation and description, while not as good as it can be, is also well thought out. With a little more attention to the small details, you will be amazed by what you can achieve.


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HenryVIII
Review

Hello, again.

Not quite sure why you started a new chapter- you didn't need to, and the past chapter wasn't long enough to warrant being split up, and the transition is so smooth, I'd consider merging the chapters.

I didn't quite understand why Kel was feeling confusion. I could guess a few things, but I might spell things out a little more clearly. You have a good opportunity to do so when Kel is sitting in the grass, thinking, rather than just skipping time.
As a note, you might do better to start your second chapter after he's finished his thinking, since really, nothing much happens.

I liked your plot, and the cliffhanger is enticing.

~

Thank you, I appreciate the criticism, its really what i'm here for. While the confusion part was a bit hard to understand, I clarified it a bit with changing it to conflict, the conflict he feels about being a growing man but trapped within his boundaries that stop him from reaching his 'full potential'. As for the chapter breaking thing, this is really just a copy and paste of the first draft I ever did for the story. When I looked at this for the first time, the pages were about three or so pages long on the doc, with no blank enter spaces. So, I thought it was a good idea to put a chapter mark there. It'll likely be fixed once I go over it when I finish.



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