Attitude Is Everything

SCENE 1:

THE UNEXPECTED

I love The Walking Dead -- I also love the joy of soccer, thinking about what movies I haven't watched, and to procrastinate planning my future. Well I did. That was until my mother thought it would be a "great" idea to lead at a youth camp this past summer. I was relucant to join at first, as I will tell you later, but once I saw the impact it had I was over the moon to opt for another chance to lead again.

I remember pulling up in my mother's volvo thinking about how I was wasting a month of my summer away when I could of been practicing soccer or hanging out with my friends for our last summer of high school; here I was stuck leading a bunch of third to fifth graders with little pay and no internet access. "Fun" I thought. However, I knew it would look good on college applications and no other place seemed to be hiring, so the camp it was.

The first person who introduced themselves to me was Jimmy the Lifeguard. He was friendly, abstract, young, and loved to tell really lame jokes. I knew he was someone the older ones would lean towards for fun. I asked him how he came to work here and he told me he applied hoping working with kids was something and I quote "chicks dig." I was appauled at first until I realized he was joking, then he corrected himself and said he does lifeguarding here because summer and camp are two of the best things in his childhood and he loved the opportunity to come back and serve as others served him. I thought this was yet another one of his jokes because he did not come across as the sensitive type, but I listened and it seemed genuine.

Later I met one of my fellow leaders. She was lively and energetic, something I lacked. It was like one of those scenarios where you could tell who didn't belong. It was me, and everyone knew it. The orientation for all staff was really uplifting for the moment, I actually got excited about leading. Then Karen, the lively, energetic one I mentioned before, asked me what I was most nervous about with the upcoming month? I remember saying something like "not enough sleep" However, looking back on it, I was afraid of everything. First day as everyone arrived, I felt anxious. There was an ache in my stomach. Guilt of under preparation. Four young girls arrived in my cabin between the ages of 7 -9 and the shyness differed between each. The first few days were a struggle to get everyone to warm up to me and one another. When the second week piled in emotions were everywhere.

SCENE 2:

RINA

One night when we were sitting around the campfire roasting marshmallows, I asked each girl what their favourite part about going to camp was. Rina, who was only eight, told everyone how her parents worked really hard all year to save for her to come here. She said she wouldn't be able to come next year because of money issues, but she promised to make this one count. I was amazed at this young girls understanding and compassion for her age. It was wrong of me to not expect much out of these young girls, for they had so much more to share, as I learned later. My mom called on the third week, it was a Tuesday, and a long one I can remember. She asked how things were, if the girls were learning anything and if I was. I just remember my throat getting tense and my thoughts getting jumble . My intention was to explain to my mom how grateful I was to be there, and how ashamed I was of my behaviour upon arrival. However, I had to let her go early because of another meeting while the campers were doing lunch activities. My only choice instead was to thank her next week when it was time to leave. I remember always being told as a child "Never wait until you're leaving to say "thank you"," so guilt really stuck with me.

SCENE 3:

“STICK THROUGH IT”

Thursday my group of girls and another camp leader Justin, with his boys, were going to venture on a hike up one of the many mountains we were fortunate enough to be surrounded by.. We were only about ten minutes in until disaster happened. Tyler, one of Justin's boys, got a stick in the head. Yes! A literal stick. Can you believe that? I chose to stay back and make sure Tyler was okay to continue. Since I was new at the whole "injury" thing, I made jokes thinking it would help. My favorite one was "You just gotta' stick through it" Oh man, I laughed more than I should of, and it took a while for Tyler to catch on. He was a good kid, my "main man" I called him, as yet another attempt to make the moment more enjoyable. When we made it back to the main site to have him retrieve first aid, Tyler was already using my name and we were discussing how Batman just happened to be one of the greatest superheroes of all time. I didn't have it in my heart to tell him he was wrong. Superman all the way

. The kid had the stick pulled out of his forehead, it was only the size of nail clippers and didn't do any future harm so we continued back up the trail to meet everyone. I told him to "stick out" the long walk back up. As we got there everyone had questions and he was more than happy to answer them. Tyler made a few friends that day and I met one myself.

SCENE 4:

JAMIE

What day did I say I was on? Thursday right. Well after the whole incident happened, the day just passed along quickly. Friday, little seven year old Jamie (another girl in my cabin) asked me if I believed in a higher power, like god or something. I didn't know how to respond to a question like that. She looked at me with her adorable eyes expecting an answer. I responded with "I believe there is something out there, just not quite sure what." Jamie smiled and then told me she wasn't sure either. She had been going to church ever since she was born. Her parents told her that she had a choice whether she wanted to believe in a god or not, it was -- her choice. I told Jamie to be thankful for parents who would give her that decision. Jamie had something that reminded me of my younger self. I have parents similar to hers. Although they are not involved with church or anything like that. They are very open and willing to let my future be decided for myself. Of course they pushed me about what grades I should be getting and how much time I should be spending on certain things. Which is typical parenting. However, they also empowered me to play soccer when I was convinced I had two left feet, and now here I am hoping to play major league when high school is finished. If only every child could be blessed with open minded parents, the world would be forever changed.

SCENE 5:

THROUGH THE STORM

Friday ended with everyone from all cabins joined around a campfire discussing highs and lows of the day and what everyone was looking forward to tomorrow. After as everyone was heading towards their cabins, I realized I had forgotten my flashlight, so I had to go back in complete darkness. On the way over I tripped over what seemed to be a broken tree branch and landed in mud. Before coming here I would of cursed like there was no tomorrow, however, the kids were teaching me a thing or two about what it means to persevere. When I finally arrived at the cabin and told all the girls the story, the rain abruptly came down -- and hard. It was pure luck i made it in time. I still think about it now and again about how my attitude could of possibly ended with me drenched in the pouring rain, angry, miserable, and a disappointment to the girls. That's not what happened luckily, and I couldn't of been anymore thankful.

SCENE 6:

A WALK WITH CHANGE

The day before camp ended I had one last talk with all my campers about what they were most excited about bringing home with them. The final three girls I have yet to mention were the turning point of change for me. It turned out a girl who went by the name Nikki, happened to be the little sister of Caitlyn, a girl I had been in one Chemistry class with. Nikki said she wished to go back and tell Caitlyn that I helped her realize how important she was to her. Apparently I reminded Niki of Caitlyn in the way I dressed and talked, however Caitlyn came across as a more free spirited person then I was. It was something strange I tell you. One of things that I made a guarantee when arriving home was to find this Caitlyn and introduce myself to her. Something made it seem like she was someone worth knowing. Next to come was Annie. Annie spoke about how going home was just about one of the worst things that could happen to her. She said she was an only child and didn’t have a lot of friends back home. Coming here was uplifting for her because she was able to meet other people. I told her the friends she made here will follow her home, and that I was only a phone call away if she ever needed any advice or just would like an older perspective on things as she got older and meeting new people became even more important. When Annie finished speaking I looked around and I noticed there was one girl left I had not fully heard from. It was Michelle. I remember looking at her trying to think of the right question to ask. I wanted her to feel like we were a close and connected group and that she was gaining something from what she shared. So I asked Michelle how she would remember this month of camp. There was silence. I waited to let her speak. Then I spoke out. I said I remembered camp when I was younger as something I was forced to do. My counselors were amazing, but I never felt I got what I had been told I would get out of it. Looking around at Rina, Jamie, Nikki, Annie and Michelle. I said I could see a change in them. Everything they found the courage to share I could only wish to. I said to Michelle that she should not be afraid to speak, for I was afraid and then I found my voice by coming here and experiencing this with everyone. Michelle took a minute and then said that she would remember the laughs and comfort she felt being in a small group with everyone. She talked about how although she may have not voiced it enough, she loved the positivity between everyone. Going back home was to be a sad but hopeful day because she felt she had enough confidence to try out for the school play next year and hopefully meet some new people. All the girls had cheered and ate snacks while I snuck away and did something I never thought I would do. I found Karen and Jimmy. I walked up to them both and hugged them. I said I was thankful for their examples and the other councillors I had be introduced to as well. The kids here really were something amazing, and I was more than thrilled to be back there next summer. Creating more memories with new people.

SCENE 7:

EVERYTHING COMES AND GOES

As morning came and the girls packed and exchanged phone numbers I took the time to take some great pictures and get all the staff to participate in a game of soccer. I more or less destroyed them but it was a blast. When parents came to take the kids home I made sure I talked with everyone to make sure we could stay in touch. It was hard to see them go and to see half of the summer ending, but it was exciting as well. My friends, soccer, and most importantly my warm bed were all waiting for me back at home. My mom arrived a short few hours later and as soon as she pulled into the camp I instantly hugged her and thanked her for suggesting I come.

I cannot exactly explain how I changed this past summer, but my attitude was certainly adjusted.