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Butterfly Wings - Chapter 15 - Paper

by BlackThorne


Daffodil looked down at the scrap of paper in her hand again. 913 Creekside Avenue, it read.

“Is this the place?” she asked, looking uncertainly at Aaron and Ciana.

“Seems so,” said Aaron.

A small, creaking house leaned in front of them. Light blue paint flaked off boards that circled a wooden deck and siding rippled over the walls. Rusted gutters rattled, clogged with layers of rotting leaves. Carved stone steps led up to a varnished wooden door. They walked on them carefully.

“Did anyone even live here?” said Ciana, voicing their thoughts.

Aaron and Daffodil shrugged.

“It was kind of like the house I came from,” said Aaron. “but that house was white, and looked older.”

Daffodil jiggled the handle, and the door creaked open. They stepped in.

The inside wasn’t much better than the outside, but it had signs of life, however awkward and detached they seemed. There was a cup of instant noodles, empty except for a few trailing out in limp strands, moist with the residue of carbohydrate-infused water. The walls and counters were sprinkled with colorful sticky notes. The pantry had some cans knocked over, and some empty except for leaking tomato sauce. She flashed back to what the Oracle had told them.

“Listen, I hear your case. I think going to where I was living may help you, even if it doesn’t matter to me now as an Oracle.”

The desk was a sleek mahogany, overflowing with layers of smooth white paper that fell off the sides in pale waterfalls. Pencils rolled through sheet curls and knocked against plastic cups of iced tea. Over all of it was layers of writing, of groggy, watery silver scrawls of graphite and ink. A lot of it was intelligible, and others were repeated over and over, as if she’d forgotten that she’d written them already.

Ciana had gotten bored quickly and left. Aaron was looking through the papers on the desk and Daffodil was sorting through the sticky notes. They read in many shades and colors with varying levels of crumpling, all bits and pieces of the puzzle

It started early this month

Local maybe? But not that local

Reached any other areas yet?

The notes flapped from the walls in the drafts.

Amnesia symptoms

Symptoms: amnesia

Symptoms: amnesia, slow movements

Symptoms: amnesia, slowed movements, lowered awareness

Symptoms: amnesia, slowed movements, lowered awareness

She kept reading.

Butterfly wings

The butterfly wings are growing out of my head

No everywhere they’re growing out of everywhere

Out of skin

They’re leaking water

She had to touch the paper to feel if it was real, and not a dream. Her head spun.

Local? Local? Local?

Amnesia?

Shadows

Shadows

Shadows

Help

I can’t see my reflection

They’re whispering

The handwriting cut across the crumpled paper notes, as the creases deepened and they seemed to crumble off the walls. The letters were hardly readable. But she read them.

I just want them to be quiet

I turned on my burner

With. matches

They’re quieter now

They don’t like the fire

Daffodil licked her lips and continued reading.

I need to braid my hair

Have I braided it today?

Why am I standing in water

Where did it come from

There were more on the cupboard, going up and down in pastel squares like tiles.

I’m the Oracle

What

I’m starving

I looked inside. the ravioli can

There’s ravioli in it but something else

Fireworks

Fireworks

Daffodil looked at the notes on the table. They were plastered on top of each other and close together.

I can see. a girl

Her eyes are glowing

She’ll save us

That’s where it cut off.

Daffodil turned.

“Aaron?”

“Yes?”

“Look at this.”

She showed him the sticky note. They looked at each other.

“We should go find Ciana,” she said.


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392 Reviews


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Mon Sep 21, 2020 9:16 pm
EditorAndPerks wrote a review...



Hello there! I wanted to give a quick review on this chapter of yours and get it out of the Green Room. As a disclaimer, I have not read the past chapters of this story.

I think this was quite an interesting chapter. Daffodil seems like a decent character, in that she was trying to find any kind of clues in this house, and that she was helping with the search alongside Aaron. There aren't too many direct thoughts from Daffodil, who seems to be at least one of the main characters, which I think takes a bit away from the reader feeling too connected with her.

One piece of advice I have for this chapter is to either format the individual sticky notes using italics to distinguish from the regular text, and to have some kind of reaction from Daffodil when she reads over them. Perhaps something about why amnesia was being mentioned so often, or her wondering who "they" could represent, and then once she starts to recognize something important, she herself could think for a second as to why that is, if that makes sense.

From there, this was pretty short -- it would have been even shorter if the notes were formatted to take up a line for each sticky message. More reflections from Daffodil could definitely fill in these moments to make a more natural-seeming chapter, or having them message Ciana for her to head back to the house and discuss what they've found.

I think this has an intriguing premise -- dealing with amnesia, someone named the Oracle, and the descriptions inside the house. Very interesting.




BlackThorne says...


Thanks for the review :)



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Sun Aug 30, 2020 1:47 pm
MoonIris wrote a review...



Hi BlackThorne,
I'm here with a review. I saw this chapter in the green room so I decided to read it. I was pleasantly surprised. I know how annoying it can be to have your chapters stuck in the green room so I decided to help you get it out. :)
Now let's get to it. I loved how you wrote the messages on the sticky notes. They bring tension and mystery to your story.
Now grammar mistakes.
"“Seems so.” said Aaron."
After so it should be a comma.
"and some empty except for leaking tomato sauce.."
Here you need to decide if you want to have a full-stop or three.
" Over all of it were "
It should be Overall. A single word.
"Overall of it were layers of writing,"
It should be was or you change it to plural.
"and others were repeated over and over, as if she’d "
There is no reason for a comma after over.
"“We should go find Ciana.” she said."
There should be a comma after Ciana and not a full-stop.
I hope my review helped you and didn't offend you in any way,
MoonIris




BlackThorne says...


thanks! :)



BlackThorne says...


thanks! :) to my knowledge, overall relates to an overview or summary, not a description of where things are like over all. feel free to correct me though!



MoonIris says...


I believe you are right. I am sorry for not being very helpfull on that.



BlackThorne says...


no problem :-) don't mention it



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39 Reviews


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Sat Aug 15, 2020 12:28 am



I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?
— Homer Simpson