z

Young Writers Society


16+

The Plan

by PhoenixXander


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

My love,

Every night since I fell for you, I’ve wondered through my mind and to the darkest thought of all. This deep thought, I’ve known him for a while. He has always circled through my mind, slowly floating above the surface. He is not just a thought, he’s a plan. He’s not evil- no I can’t say that, but he sure isn’t a hero. I created him, formed him to what he is now, I know he has good intentions, because his intentions are mine. You may wonder why I’m discussing this, and in such a bland generic way. I often wonder if I should tell you the details of such a horrific plan. You would wonder if it was sanity or insanity that lead me to this. Personally, I think it was something in between. The thought of revealing such a stomach turning, gut wrenching plan kills me. I’ve burned myself with the thought of telling you for the past two years, but then I’d see your lovely smile and I’d feel sicker than ever. When we’ve been alone, and silent on tear drenched nights I must admit that I felt so god d*mn numb that the un-coherent sentences almost stumble out of my mouth but the silence just breaks from more of my tears. Some nights when I cried with what seemed to be no meaning, was really a bloody battle with the plan consuming my thoughts, everything becoming grey, the plan torturing me until I reveal it to someone else. My mind fights back, tucking it far back away, my body knows what that plan is, and it wants it to stay. When I’m struggling to win, I hear your sweet, innocent voice, and I remember why I’m really fighting this battle. I don’t want to hurt you- f*ck –not again. A pain like this, for someone as fragile as you? No, I refuse. When I think about telling you, I imagine you crashing down, falling like a broken dam, and that isn’t what I want. Some nights I wonder if once we build our life more and more, if you’ll take this plan away. Maybe your love will save me, but I don’t have any expectations. It’s not like I want this with a burning passion, but I don’t want to give it up either, I just don’t want to tell you. The pain this would cause you is scarier than being caught on fire, not being able to put it out, but to constantly burn, forever. The thought hovers over me like a full storm cloud, and I don’t have an umbrella. If I ever tell you--

(I cut the end off because I really don't want anyone to know my plan)


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Fri Dec 12, 2014 2:21 am
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TheOtakuLord wrote a review...



I really feel like I'm in this story.Something similar happened to me long ago.but I really don't want to talk about that.But i really like the story.I wish i could help this charter out but alas it is just a story.I really really like it.I almost cried too.I can't say this enough i really like it.I can't express it.




Rin321 says...


are you talking about me?



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494 Reviews


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Thu Dec 11, 2014 6:27 pm
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Holysocks says...



I thought this was a crush at first, and that you wanted to tell them that you liked them. But now I kind of think that that isn't the case, and instead, that you're in a relationship... and although you love them, you want out.

Those were just the feelings I got from it.




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Thu Dec 11, 2014 5:16 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Nitpicks:

'I created him, formed him to what he is now, I know he has good intentions, because his intentions are mine.' - should be a new sentence at 'I know'.

'I felt so god d*mn numb' - the asterisk undermines the point. If you're really that angry, the word is 'damn'.

'I just don’t want to tell you' - this should also be a new sentence.

'is scary than being caught on fire' - 'scary' should be 'scarier' and I think there are more sinister things than catching on fire. Probably not any less painful, but there's no real fear in this image. Maybe something about fire licking the edges of the room or something. Something to personify the fire, make it sound like an attacker.


Okay, I have absolutely no idea what is going on. I mean, I get that you're upset at someone and that you're planning revenge? Unfortunately, I can't tell why you're angry or what it is you plan to do. I know that you don't want me to know it explicitly, but if you don't imply anything specifically, then how am I supposed to empathise? Also, if I have absolutely no idea what happened, then I have no way of being angry at whoever did it.

I did however like the fact that it was all one paragraph. It linked with your 'un-coherent sentences', which by the way should be 'inchorent' ;)

I think the concept is good, which is the important bit, so this could be something with some work.

Good luck, and pm me if you need any clarification. :)




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Thu Dec 11, 2014 2:40 pm
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brielle wrote a review...



I love this Story, or poem whatever it is. I REally didnt see anything wrong with it. Maybe a Few runing Sentences, but thats it.

"Every night since I fell for you, I’ve wondered through my mind and to the darkest thought of all. This deep thought, I’ve known him for a while." I feel it understand, its your plain and all. I Would like to read more, if you keep writing. And this Is very Good Dont Stop. I Love it and Also I hope you Tell us your Plan, because i want to know now. Caught my attention thats good, Good Grabbing words for attetion.
But im off this Now ! :)





To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.
— Allen Ginsberg