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Hesitant Activity

by PhoenixXander


(Review the crap out of this, I know it needs a lot of work.)


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35 Reviews


Points: 439
Reviews: 35

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Tue Dec 16, 2014 6:05 am
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HybridHead says...



Hey there, could you tell me how you posted this photo? Did you use an image-hosting website? I tried but the photos always appear smaller, and needs to be clicked to be enlarged :/






When you go into submit a work there are options under where you put the title, there's one that looks like a picture, click it to add your picture. That's what I did.



HybridHead says...


Ohh okay, got it! Thank you~ :D



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42 Reviews


Points: 100
Reviews: 42

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Mon Dec 15, 2014 7:56 pm
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ElectraHeart wrote a review...



Hi there, Suzette to review! Okay here we go!

First, I must say I enjoyed reading this but, I have an insane headache and the font did not do anything to help. I don't think it is necessarily the font but the size. Maybe it would be easier to read if you made it larger, but not too large! Don't want like size 156 font (That was a joke...).

Next, I really like how you put the times before the stanzas, it gave me a sense of when something new was starting and I'm guessing that is what you were trying to portray. I also love the signature thing at the bottom with typing bar (I got no idea what that thing is called). You're wording is also wonderful!

Okay, so thank you for reading this, and thank you for posting your poem for me to review, because I need points. Also, keep up the good work, and remember these are just suggestions. It's your writing, don't let anyone change it but yourself!

With love and care,
Suzette




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36 Reviews


Points: 487
Reviews: 36

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Mon Dec 15, 2014 4:56 pm
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FancyDragon wrote a review...



LOL Dragon here Tag You're It xD

No no i like it. If you add some words or take out some words to make it flow better.

like the second line.

As your giggle*s* blooms through My speakers.

You could also give some examples be a bit more specific? Make it longer? Cause i like the journal entry set ups they're cool to me so i think you should make it longer.

Okay over all it is pretty good xD just read over it to spot some of the places you can add those words to improve the flow of this piece.

Great job keep up the good work xD




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41 Reviews


Points: 663
Reviews: 41

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Mon Dec 15, 2014 2:52 pm
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brielle wrote a review...



Hi there . I like this alout when i frist seen this i was like Ummmm can i read this because of the writing but then i got a good look at again so yes i can. If im Correct i think your writing this like a dairy. form the dates, and time. Well Here we Go I Think By the "I" is a Period "." if so why is there take it away doenst need it. And i think you make the first Set of lines longer instead of short but if you want to keep it like that MAke sure it is very cacthy so that the reader can grab and hold on to it and keep reading.because if you dont the reader well get tired and pass it up. I think you Keep on writing and make it longer and i dont see no Grammar Eorrs but if so somebody will correct me. and The Time i missed all Of what happend in Bwtween the last lines and the lines on top. What happend your not giving me a vision. i one then it just went away. but i like this lot and it needs more work so please Work on this.





“Can a magician kill a man by magic?” Lord Wellington asked Strange. Strange frowned. He seemed to dislike the question. “I suppose a magician might,” he admitted, “but a gentleman never could.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell