The harsh winter nights occupied
by hot cocoa and peppermint
is not a close enough comparison to how I feel about you.
~
I couldn't dare to compare you to every star in the sky,
there isn't nearly enough,
and not a single one shines as bright as you do.
~
Comparing you to a heart beat still doesn't come close
to describing how much I need you just to live,
or how reassuring it is to just hear you.
~
Seeing you smile makes up for every sleepless night
I spent falling for you in new ways,
I'd commit the worst crimes for nights like that again.
~
My heart beat is too fast to compare
to even a NASCAR driver driving to the finish line,
all because of how you make me feel.
~
Slowly, I faded away, not by choice, but by illness
I gained so much from you, I gained the feeling of a true connection,
and I gave away a part of me, a portion of my soul.
~
My life became a literal living hell,
fire spewing around me, just far enough away to burn the tips of my toes on a constant rotation,
a fire that couldn't be put out, no matter how many buckets of water I threw.
~
I tried to jump to a lake, only a few feet away
but the fire came faster, and harder,
I wanted to put it out more than anything, but it just kept growing until it consumed me.
~
Finally the fire is sizzling down, the wounds are healing,
all I can think about is how you were there for me,
until I turned my back on you.
~
Now here I crawl back selfishly,
I can't- won't manipulate you, but I'll hope for forgiveness,
I want you for all the right reasons, for our connection- love.
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139,613 Literary Works • 672,625 Reviews
This poem is deep, I truly love it. The comparisons are on point. It is an amazing feeling to have a connection with someone and they feel the very same way as you do. Its tough to lose someone who once meant everything, especially for something that you've done or said. Then all you can do is think about all the good times you shared as if its a clip or film rolling in your head. Its like covering an uncovering a womb, the more you pick at it the worst it gets, but if you just let it be it may heal. That is the same thing about a broken heart, time is priceless and cost you nothing. If you give it time, you will soon be forgiven and things will be right back to normal as they were before.
I'm left in awe at this piece of poetry. Now, I don't usually look for poetry that involves love, but the title on this piece drew me in like the perfect trap...and I loved it. The slow deterioration of your feelings throughout the poem is evident, and makes the final impact that much more of an impact. thanks for Sharing it on the Green Room!
Hi there
I read this quite a few times, actually. I like the simple set-up, direct comparison (unable to compare your lover to all the stars in the sky... that's beautiful), and overall... well, I don't think there's any other word for it in my current vocabulary other than 'straight to the point'. I noticed you don't hide behind too many metaphors, but write openly--running out of words here--and that, in this case, makes for a good read once your mind and eyes can adjust to the flow. I don't usually write or read poems that contain longer lines--usually no more than seven or so words per line--but when I do read/write them, I find it very hard to maintain steady flow without disrupting the writing quality. You managed to overstep that, and despite the long-to-short variations in any given stanza, your poem flow pretty well!
I really like this line for a lot of reasons: "I can't- won't manipulate you, but I'll hope for forgiveness,". I thought that was a wonderful way to wrap up!
In the end, all I can say is a few "Beautiful!"s and several 'Great jobs", and thank you for giving me a nice read
Keep writing. Please. Can't wait to see what else you decide to post