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140,909 Literary Works • 673,726 Reviews
Hey there! This is really good!
Just one nitpick: You don't always have to start a new line with a capital. Only if the previous sentence ended with a fullstop, then do. If a comma, not needed.
Also, one more xD : Your flow seemed to go on really well, but it always seemed to cut of at the last line of each stanza. And that kinda killed the feeling. You might want to work on that. BUT- the last stanza was P.E.R.F.E.C.T. From the first word to the last, that paragraph was my favourite!
Also, I really like the finshing touch, the picture. I found it quite adroable, even though I'm not a romantic person.
So, yes, it was really good and quite and enjoyable peice!
Do continue writing/rhyming! I would love to hear more from you! Oh, and I hope you're enjoying YWS so far!
-TMuffs.
this was good, I liked your parrallel structure. they made the whole thing better somehow.
they way each stanza was set up exactly the same. And it flowed well, sounded good. My only suggestion is more imagery and details. You did a great job on the emotion, but you could use some more detail. We need more than feelings. Other than that, great job. Keep writing. 
Really great, amazing actually. My favorite part was the running away part . You're a truly amazing poet, keep going!