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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
I like how short this is. In poetry clarity can be a good thing. I do have to agree that this could use more description, or just less generic description. Pick some far out words and just chuck them in wherever, call it artistic license!
Sorry to be picky, but the end of each stanza still needs a full stop.
Maybe you could write an accompaniment to this? I'd like to know why she's waiting alone, why she's dying, who she is. In the end, writing is about making choices, and in this poem you've really avoided having to do that.
I do like it though, keep on writing!
i loved your decription.
but it was lacking the underlying emotion, the feeling i usually get when i read poetry.
it seemed a bit too bland.
but i'm positive you can do much better!
This is really good. You may need some more work on it and more thought. Also, even though it is nowhere near the poem itself, the spelling in spoiler needs to be checked. Sorry but I am very picky with these things and you'll get a lot of it from me. Back to your poem, you need to expand it, try not to repeat she waited alone in every stanza because it can get very boring but what you have produced is very good.
Overall, I did like it, it didn't wow me but it is good poetry. Keep on writing!