Blank photos with blank faces
Pools of nameless blood
The decrees of worthlessness
Paint the shattered skin
Dripping onto the tattered rug
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138,272 Literary Works • 672,095 Reviews
the poem is too deep, it is probably a perfect example of how to write brief and smart. it throws a vivid imagery and one almost catches ones breadth at the horrifying scene.
personally i love the first line. however i would like to nitpick-
"nameless blood" if the person was killed[ murdered as i suppose] why is he nameless, the hatred is almost visible under the poems skin so why is he called unknown. or do you link it to some bigger significance that the blood of all person are same and uniform as then the poem takes a different turn.
your work was too short and as i observed from some of your works - its perhaps your specialty, but this poem needs some explanation to clear the cause of hatred... and also the perhaps including the word ''breathe'' in the poem would give a better significance to the title.
all in all the poem is quite good
keep writing
Rituparna
Hiya there, thanks for reviewing and all, but I feel like you entirely missed the point of my poem - but each to their own, I guess. This was a suicide poem, if you wanted the specifics. "Nameless" was used because that would've been what they thought of themselves, and therefore their blood is completely unknown, like themself.
The use of the breathing in the title, is referring to their death, and the final breath of final hate for themself. Also, yes, I prefer short poems with small scenes, specific meanings and concentrated detail. It's what I like to write. Also, I don't think a poem can be "too short".
Hey there!!! It's MysteryMe, here for a short review!!!!
This poem was so short, but that only increased its power. The beauty of it was literally haunting, and though I didn't exactly understand what you were saying, I didn't love it any less. The words you used were so powerful they left me speechless, and the imagery was very strong. This piece really spoke to me. You should be proud of it.
.........
"Blank photos with blank faces
Pools of nameless blood."
Those first two lines are incredible. They pull me in immediately. The word choice and detail is amazing, and just imagining the 'blank faces' and 'nameless blood' is enough to make me cringe.
.........
"The decrees of worthlessness
Paint the shattered skin."
Words like 'worthlessness' and 'shattered' are what really make this piece stand out to me. They make me think and give this piece meaning.
..........
"Dripping onto the tattered rug."
Strong ending, though not as strong as the other lines. I do like the word 'dripping,' though. Great for imagery.
..........
Anyway, just wanted to say that I loved this, and I hope that I helped!!!! Good luck!!! Keep writing
"Blank Photos with blank faces"- i think there should be a comma at the end before the next line. this line is very artistic and flows well into the second.
"pools of nameless blood"-again with the punctuation, I'm pretty sure a full stop follows at the end of this.
"the decrees of worthless paint the shattered skin"- perfect!i love how this line gives a proper description of the first sentence. it give meaning to the 'nameless' used in the previous line but there should be a comma at the end of this.
"Dripping onto the tattered rug"- a period can be placed here at the end.
overall, this is a beautiful poem, passing greatly as a haiku.
Good Job!
Bunie
Thank you for reviewing, but I would say it's pretty obvious that there's no punctuation for a reason. If I hadn't thought to put a single piece of punctuation in, it's sort of a thought that there's no punctuation for a reason. And not noticing that means you haven't understood the poem by any degree. Thank you for reviewing.
This is a shorter poem, so I have a few nitpicks, but not many.
I feel that your poem was lacking from punctuation. I think you should've added that in but I also see why you didn't. Your grammar is fine. I also wish this poem were longer. I see by the title and the words you use that somebody is dead. What was it that killed them? How did they die? Where is this person? I also think the top line clashes with the rest of the poem. The last 3 lines are describing the dead person, but the first line just doesn't seem to make sense to me. I'm sure it makes sense to you, but without elaboration I don't fully understand it.
Anyway, I did like this poem. I'm still unsure about whether I like how short it is or not. I hope this review helped, and I look forward to seeing more of your poetry on YWS. Keep writing!
-Gravity
Well I guess an explanation is partially needed, but at the same time - it's really not. My poetry is mainly person-to-person, the point is for it not to be fully understandable, and something to think over.
Secondly, the next point is to not know anything. The meaning is in the eye of the beholder. So yes, the last three lines are of the dead person themself, but the first is not. That is for the reason that until the third line, I'm not speaking of them but the setting they are placed in. The shortness, well that's when they stop breathing. The poem would've been longer if they had lived long enough to see the end.
Thank you for reviewing my story though, your words do mean a lot and I can put many things you have mentioned into effect on other pieces of my work.