(E&iC) Dictionary [Part Two]

Contains some mild language and Adult humour.

Earth & Its Contents

by Ben Franks

Dictionary, Part Two

The second part of "this is not a dictionary, merely a collection of naive and sarcastic definitions".

Matt Damon: An insecure being, who struggles to perform exceptionally at wordsearches. Many would regard him as an "actor" but the more intelligent of us would regard him as a "fluke".

Exam: Noun, is a competition to see which of a numbered sample of students will pee themselves first. The competition is usually conducted in silence and there are rumours that you're under extreme pressure from middle-aged wanna-be cops who "supervise" the exam. Some say that if you manage all the way through, they give you a letter and this is supposed to increase your chances of getting something called a 'job'.

Darts: Apparently, this is a sport.

Homebase: It's like B&Q, except the people that work there are generally deprived of intelligence and like to hide behind things & paint their ears.

Communism: A political notion that just didn't work out. Perhaps in another twenty years, eh Stalin?

The Cold War: A war in which elderly people from the East and West parts of the world gathered with the world leaders of Russia and the USA at alternate heads of the table. In the middle of their meeting was the boardgame Risk and nearby were individual copies of Rome: Total War and a few shitty Dells. Each world leader would then take it in turns to attack each others places. It was fun for about 40 years, but then President Gorbachev (USSR) and President Reagan (USA) ditched the idea to play on the Star Wars Videogame and over-feed their hamsters with mushrooms.

Opinion: Something ignored by politicians.

Shakespeare: An over-rated Poet.