The Curse of Time

Hello, shaniac here to review your poem!

I really like the concept that you decided to use for this poem. I wrote a poem about time, as well, and I think that as a concept, time is kind of an overused thing that poets often times uses. But in this case, you kind of write it in your own way and that's what makes it different from others poem that I've read using the same concept. As I was reading, I definitely sense a sort of rhyming happening. It isn't frequent but with rhyming, it helps to also set the tone of the poem.

A new world, yet a world of old;

This line is kind of awkwardly worded. It is kind of a contrasting line if you think about it. What I suggest is you could reword it to "a new age yet an old world" because what I'm guessing is that is what you were going for. Basically, stating that even as the ages go by, it will be the same world.

For time only in circles reels,

This line kind of confuses me because I don't exactly know what it is saying? Like, the wording is a bit off and it is kind of throwing off the meaning. When writing poetry, you should express yourself through vivid words. You want to grab the attention of the reader and have them feel what you feel. This line kind of drags the reader's attention away because it doesn't make much sense. Possibly you could reword it as "only time moves in a circle'" because that would run smoother and brings the point back that time continues to move but only in a circle.

The beats of this poem are kind of all over the place. By that I mean is how you end a line and go to the next one. You want to have a smooth transition into the next and usually what you can do is just cut the line in half and paste it below. For example with "For in knowing too much we cease/To truly know the truth at all;", this line could be split into two different lines to give it more of a dramatic feel. You want to bring the tone up to match with the certain concept that you've provided.

Another suggestion that I have is while I like the truth subconcept, it doesn't really apply to your poem. Like, in my mind, the truth is it's own thing and using it within this poem kind of distracts the time concept. And you've only mentioned it within one chunk of this poem. I would think that you would also incorporate it at the end, too. So, maybe add on more to the truth subconcept so it'll make the poem smoother.

To cap, I like the poem concept and you make your own twist on it. I think you should work on the rhythm that is presented in the lines, and the rhyme is a nice addition to setting the poem's tone. Have a good day/night and if you have any questions, let me know!