Jasson led her to a small shed outside and closed the door behind them. When he was certain that no one else was around, he crouched down and waved Melody over. “Alright. Look. I don’t like Aiden, and I know you don’t like him either, but in order to get our mother to not like him we have to make him look bad.”
“How are we going to do that?” Melody plopped herself next to him.
“There really is only one way.” He looked up at her, serious. “We have to find evidence against him.”
She shifted, staring at him. “But how are we going to do that?”
“Simple. We just start searching through the castle at night.” Jasson started to draw a map in the dirt. “I’ll take the lower levels if you take the upper levels.”
“You just want to raid the kitchens.” Melody accused, but she was watching his map with interest. How had he gotten to know the area so well? They hadn’t even been here that long. Hadn’t he been asleep the same amount as she had?
“You know I don’t like heights.” He snapped back. “Anyway, if we do that, we should be able to cover the ground pretty quickly.”
She studied the map, looking at the squigglies and the dots that represented stairs and rooms. Then she looked up at him. “This could take days.”
“I know.”
“Jas, what if we don’t get it in time? What if there’s nothing in here?”
He was looking back at her seriously, “I don’t know about you, Mel, but that sleep wasn’t normal. And those coins that he gave us? It was a simple magic trick, but I don’t like it. I’m positive that he’s a wizard. A bad one. He wants our mother for some reason, why else would he be trying to charm her so badly. You saw the way he came down those stairs, he was practically sparkling in glitter and the only men who sparkle like that are magicians.”
Melody chewed her lip. It had been odd, the way everything fell together. And the dinner—what was that about? She had almost forgotten to glare at Aiden while she was eating. “Two days…”
“What?”
“Adaline said I was asleep for two days.”
“Bloody hell..” Jasson raked his hand through his hair.
“Jasson!”
“I was only asleep for a night.”
"A night...?" So that was how he knew the lay of the castle, he hadn’t been asleep as long as she had. Melody shook off the nervousness that had settled around her shoulders, “But what do we have that he’d want?”
“I don’t know. I just know that it’s for something bad! It has to be.” Jasson looked so stubborn and sure of himself that Melody could only agree with him. She nodded.
“Alright. I’ll do it. When do we start?”
“Tomorrow afternoon when they’re out for another one of their long walks. See if you can’t convince Adaline to tell you where locked rooms are.” He dug around in one of his pockets and produced a small container. “You know how to pick locks, right?”
Melody nodded. Their father had been a spymaster and he had taught his children the necessities of finding information. Picking locks was easy, but Melody was only eleven. She wasn’t sure she knew how to do anything else. What if she came across a magicked lock? She set her jaw and took the small, flat container from her brother, tucking it away in the wide ribbon that was around her waist. She’d just have to do her best.
“Good.” Her brother kicked dirt over the map and mussed it up as he stood. “Now, let’s get back to bed.” He went to the door and then stopped, looking at Melody. For a moment she saw a little boy’s fear in his eyes. “Mel, we have to keep him from our mother. Please trust me. I know you don’t get it, but please just trust me.”
She nodded and whispered, “I know. I trust you.”
He looked at her for a moment longer before nodding as well. The fear disappeared and was replaced by determination. “I’ll go first. You come out after I’m gone.” With that he disappeared out the door. A second later his head popped back in and he hissed, “And don’t let anyone see you!” He disappeared again.
Melody was left in the room and she fidgeted nervously. This whole thing was a mess. She wanted to get out of here, she didn’t want her mother to marry that man, but snooping through his things? Picking locks to find out something that might make him look bad? Melody wasn’t a master on the subject, but something told her that if Aiden was a magician, he wouldn’t appreciate two nosey little kids poking their noses in where he’s locked the doors. She sighed a little and rocked on her heels. She was nervous. What right did she have to uncover a mystery? What if he wasn’t a magician? Oh, mother would be so upset—Melody stopped herself. No. No she wouldn’t keep thinking like that. If Jasson said there was something funny about Aiden, well. Well he was probably right. Jasson was good at picking out good and bad people, and afterall, hadn’t she disliked Aiden too? She set her jaw. She’d go through with this. She had to.
Certain that Jasson was long gone by now, Melody poked her head out and look around. Seeing that the coast was clear, she scampered back toward the castle door. She was halfway across the lawn when someone called out to her. Melody froze.
“And just where do you think you’re going so late at night?” The voice was gruff and weathered.
Slowly she turned to stare up at the man behind her. He was tall and broad, with stern salt-and-pepper hair and a short, scruffy beard. He held a pipe in his frowning mouth as he stared at the girl with one stormy gray eye. His other eye was covered with a black patch. A scar ran under it and dragged across his face. He wore a peasant hat and a tattered, loose-fitting shirt. At his waist was the belt of a grounds-keeper as well as, Melody noted with interest, a short sword.
He glared at her with his one eye and demanded, “Well? What are you doin’ out here?”
She gulped and replied, “Um. Sleepwalking?”
“Sleepwalking?” The man narrowed his eye as he appraised her, staring her down until she looked at the ground. “Someone little like you shouldn’t be sleepwalking down here at night. It ain’t safe.”
She nodded meekly. “Yessir. I’m sorry sir.”
At that the man grunted. “You better be. Now scat. Go back to bed before I tell Lord Tirragon.”
“Yessir.” She said again and bowed her head. She started to turn around when someone popped out from behind the bigger man. Melody glanced back.
“Who’s there?” It was a tall, lanky boy of about sixteen. Green eyes sparkled with mischief as he looked around until he spotted Melody. “Oh? What are you doin’ awake, girlie?”
“None of your business, runt.” The man smacked the boy upside the head, knocking his patched-up hat to the ground in front of Melody. “She’s going back tae bed – where you should be.”
“I should be in her bed?” The boy quipped, dodging another swipe of the man’s hand. “She’s a little young for that, dontcha think?”
Melody bent to pick up the boy’s hat and dusted it off as the man growled. “Damnit, boy! You know what I mean!” She looked up just in time to see him get a successful cuff on the boy’s head. “Learn to hold your tongue!”
The kid grinned at Melody. “I’d learn better to hold my tongue if he didn’t try to constantly hold it for me—oop!” His collar was grabbed by the bigger man and he was dragged upwards. “Alright, alright!” He held up his hands in surrender. “I apologize. I didn’t mean it.”
The older man glared at him until he was satisfied that the boy was telling the truth and then dropped him. “You’d better be good. This ‘un could be yer new mistress.”
The boy blinked as he straightened his clothes, looking over at Melody with interest. “Another little mistress?” A light dawned in his eyes. “I thought I heard kitchen gossip about the woman that our lord is courting. Didn’t know she had a kid.” He bowed to her, his posture an expression of perfect seriousness. “I apologize, mistress. But might I have my cap back?” He peeked up at her, his grin silly.
Melody looked down at the hat in her hands. She had forgotten she was holding it. With a tiny smile, she handed it to him and watched as he stood to put it on, stuffing his dirty blond hair under the worn cap. He was interesting, if a bit unruly.
“What’re you starin’ at, girl? Get to bed!” The older man took a step forward, putting a hand on her shoulder and firmly turning her around. “Bed is that way.”
“Yessir!” She quickly scampered off. It was only until she was all the way back upstairs and looking at the door to Adaline’s room that she realized she didn’t hear either of their names. Oh well, she thought to herself as she carefully pushed the door open, it wasn’t as if she was going to see them again or for very long.
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Finally reviewing the third


Just as the first and the second, very nicely done. I liked Jasson's head-of-the-house-big-brother-guardian attitude, it fits perfectly in what I had imagined about them so far! He seems around 14 or 15 to me, and I just love the fact they're both so comfortable with the possibility of magic being involved - I'm really tired of reading how someone keeps denying it even though it's obvious.. So even if it turns out that there's no magic in your novel, it will still be a refreshment and I'll still like it.
Also, it's a cool thing that their Dad was a spy. It potentially offers a great deal of possibilities ^^
The real story is starting to become visible - I would very much like if Aiden really proved to be a magician.
And I just realized what's another thing I find rather intriguing and interesting - it's the fact that they're in his house. As it seems for now, they will be there for most of the story.. And if he's really the bad guy, I love the idea of fighting him while literally hiding in plain sight.
I was surprised of Melody being eleven, though. Like I said in my review of the Chapter Two, Adaline seemed younger than her to me, and she was 12.. I understand that Melody, as your main character, must grow as the story progresses, but something with her being 11 just doesn't fit for me. Maybe it's because of the boy she met in this chapter, and for some reason I like him very much though I don't know much about him..
With every new sentence, it gets easier to connect with Melody. You use the 'show, don't tell' rule great, if you ask me - I can tell she's smart, that she and her brother love each other, that he's very proud of being the eldest kid, how they all had a good life and a great family before.. And none of it you really said in those words
I wonder about the title now.. What is that storm of hers? Looking forward to the next part
Yours,
Aria
Nice plotting! Mum's a sacrifice! Yay! Some things are appearing. Finally I know Melodys age! One more Yay! Dad for a spy - double Yay!
Now a bit more detailed. Nicely done. I like where it's going. Bad wizard, enchanted mother, mysterious death of spy-dad only two months ago and an interesting youngster I now suspect to be Aidans son. The things are getting some scale, I like it.
I just have a question, are you a native english speaker? Some things made me wonder if you are. Otherwise the commoners language is good, except for "Damnit". Isn't it "Dammit"? Or am I wrong?
Jasson seems a bit too mature, but I'll let it go, since everything else was so good. Please keep up the good work, I'll be expecting some interesting skeletons in Aidans closet in next chapter.