You came into my life in the simplest of manners
But did something that no one has ever done
You breathed life into something that never was alive
You are my Christmas miracle.
Be mine.
Ti amo. Ti amerò finchè ho vita.
---
Transfixed he stood, peering through the half misty window
Transfixed he stood, lost, his words now buried under snow
Parting his lips to release snowy spirits
With a heavy heart but an exultant soul, her name he spoke.
Paradox descended, his frozen heart melted in this snowy weather
Tears descended, warmth he felt, after a decade he wept
With trembling hands he wrote
To his love, with all his love; His heart flowing through this iron feather.
His words failed, but into honeyed memories he sank
Her fragrant hair, her touch, her voice, her embrace he remembered
Knelt before the lord to thank
This atheist; For his Christmas miracle on this 25th of December.
Smiling he stands, still peering through the half misty window
Smiling he stands, lost no more, with his words still buried under snow
Parting his lips to release snowy spirits
With all his hopes, all his dreams, all his love, her name he spoke.
---
Be Mine
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Hi Baron,
I really liked this poem. It had really beautiful language and very strong imagery. I could actually see the person at the window looking through.
I liked the first and last stanzas best. I like how the last one was a bit of a repeat of the first, but it was altered because the mood had changed.
I agree with Rarity about that line in the third stanza. I think it is relevant to know that he was an atheist yet he was thanking the lord for his Christmas miracle. But the way you put it was a little bit confusing and I had to reread it to understand it properly. If you fix it the poem would continue running smoothly and be easier to understand.
Deanie x
Well done. What I loved most about your poem was the fact that you do not know what happened to his love. There is a level of mystery to it that keeps you thinking after you are done reading. One thing I did not understand was in the second stanza at the end of line 3, and the beginning of line 4.
Did you mean to put a period after the third line, or is this stanza all one sentence? The only thing I would work on is making the stanza more clear to the reader. Good job!
Rarity