Incubus

Hmmmmm...

I do like your word choice but I kinda think your word choice was made for the poem, if that makes sense. If you tried to tell me a story and convey emotion, scenery you failed but you had me interested, I clicked in from line one. But still, I feel like the most important components where just lost.

It might be because your too far in your head that you cannot communicate effectively to your audience, simply we don't know what you saying all of the time. I have the same problem, at times. If I were you I would try to really think about the analytic concept of you say, in other words your being so intuitive that you don't make sense at times. We can't pull out meaning from your words or tell what your saying by intent alone. I hope you work at this.

Hi there,BaronFlame.Here is Dark to review your poem.

First of all,I agree with the others reviews here.You should use punctuation here to make the rhythm move smoothly and properly.You already have a good idea here that made me fascinated with the diction used in the poem.

#As Pothos he spoke, conjuring visions of yearning and desires,
As Eros he teased, arrows of licentious mischief he shot,
Whispering of carnal cravings,
As Himeros, her to the very edge of madness he brought.

Overall,I really enjoyed reading your poem here!Keep it up
-Kudos
Cheers,
~Dark.

Hey BaronFlame, I'm Graham and I'm going to do a quick review for you!

Fist off, your language and diction really sets the entire tone of the piece, which you seem to have very good grasp on. definitely no complaints in that department. The only really issue I have is your use of punctuation. I am a huge punctuation enthusiast and I think this poem offers a lot that could be done with some punctuation exploration. you use a lot of commas which is in no way wrong, but punctuation is also similar to word choice and in terms of being repetitive. I feel as if some of your commas aren't necessary and sometimes split up your ideas and add awkward pauses. Just maybe rethink using verse over using commas or maybe replacing some with either a colon or a semi-colon. It could really add to your piece. Other than that this was an absolutely beautiful! As always, write on my friend, write on!

Cheers!
Graham

Dark, sexy. Well written. The length of the lines weave and you've separated ideas into stanzas expertly. Good job. Can't fault you. I think, what shows your main talent is this line: 'Denied nevermore, as decadence, in her arms he lay.' Such rich language really makes a difference to your reader. Great work.