i. the sunflower
if there ever was a sunflower seed lying dormant in
the navel of this dirtbed, epiphany; water will wear thin
thwarts into resurrection, it will stretch skyward loosen
its yellow limbs to heavens breadth; overcasting sardonic
granite but it will not turn towards the sun, try as you might
to implore a stuborn heart is to call upon mercy, so it remains
averted; the notion of devotion assumes light to be a virtue.
Albiet, the notion, compelled, contorts its bony fingers, digs
into humus. mirrored in shared calcification and dismemberment-
a tide that turns. always. it unearths the buried, trichomes
soaked in cerebral imprint. the sanctified is elsewhere.
ii. the salmon
the salmon homebound from and whereof, mistakes instinct for
vocation; the currents are indifferent to its travel as they are to
that of a stray bark. plankton clings to its ribs; its disemboweled
entrails reveal a curious anomaly, there is something mildly wrong in
its diction. the earth warps; magnetic dissonance ensues, the salmon’s
trail subverted, its salt suffused gild no longer supplicates a bland
existence. Inevitably it knows the certainty of one truth alone. that only
seeks to agitate the river born and buried. a tide that turns. always. its
spatial awareness now spectral, a false north sets in motion unmoored
vortex that pulses from there and thereon.
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Hiya, Awru! I'd like to review these poems for you today!
To start, I thought these were very interesting and complex poems, with such gorgeous imagery in both of them. It almost feels like the sunflower poem is an exploration of vulnerability and turning away from redemption or faith, with this sunflower that refuses to face the light. Maybe a rejection of these ideas, from a place of fear or trauma? Of course, that's just how I interpreted it. As for the salmon, with the instincts it can no longer trust, leading it to a dull future where it faces only decay and its bleak, "bland" existence. In either sad story, there's this feeling or desire for change, that fits the theme of a changing tide.
Again, that is just my own thoughts, so sorry if I'm off! ':D
I don't really have any recommendations for change, so let's look into some highlights!
I love the metaphors you chose to convey this poem's message, whatever it may be—the way you describe the sunflower unfurling its yellow petals, or the salmon's glittering scales, are both so lovely ^^
[One thing I didn't notice at first—minor typo in "stubborn" there] This was the turning the point that really made the sunflower poem stand out, the way it talks about "assuming" this light is virtue. It's the sunflower's nature to face it, but why? What is it getting from the "light" in the context of this poem?
"It unearths the buried trichomes," maybe saying it unearthed others who rejected the light as well, and the "sanctified," those who didn't reject the light and were deemed saved, are elsewhere?
The salmon poem wastes NO time in giving us a darker picture to imagine. The currents being indifferent really remind you how cruel and uncaring nature can be, and this theme of decay is so brutal and graphic, reinforcing the salmon's fate as it follows nature's instincts.
Overall, that was a super interesting poem, greatly written! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Hello, majuli here to review!!
I just read this piece, and I’ve got to say, I found myself weirdly absorbed in it even when I wasn’t totally sure what was happening. I feel like the sunflower section hit me first. I really liked how the imagery sort of spiraled outward. There was this stubborn, sideways-facing sunflower and I caught myself thinking about people I know who feel like that.
I definitely found myself slowing down for the “water will wear thin thwarts into resurrection” line, because I thought that was such a cool way of describing growth or awakening. I think I enjoy writing that feels like it’s tugging at something under the skin, and this had that for me.
In the salmon section, I noticed I kind of drifted with it, the way the salmon drifts, or tries not to. I liked the weirdness of the “wrong diction” and the magnetic confusion. I appreciate when imagery bends reality a bit, and I felt like this did that in a way that made me want more. I also liked the repetition of “a tide that turns. always.” I felt like it tied both halves together emotionally even though they’re totally different creatures and settings.
Overall, I came away feeling like I read something dense, and even though I don’t think I grasped every symbolic twist, I liked being in it. I read it while pausing at lines, rereading them, trying to map them to a feeling more than a meaning. I like when a poem lets me do that. I got to chart it.
Thank you for sharing this!!
This was a hard read, in a good way.