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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Hiya, Awru! I spotted another one of your lovely poems, and wanted to give it a review! Hope you don't mind!
To start, this really is a surreal and ominous poem that fascinates and disturbs the reader in the best ways—it makes me think of some Gothic classics, ones that aren't afraid to give you goosebumps. The exploration and interweaving of all these things—the blighted plants, the locusts, the rabbit, the poison, the tapeworms—it all gives this impression of infection and decay, in multiple forms and described in such vivid detail, it's just so...eerie! And definitely, taking all these innocent things and showing how they're claimed by all these forms of plague, how these "flowers collapse to filth," really gives off this ominous theme of mortality, and how easy these things are to corrupt.
I don't have any recommendations for change this time!
For highlights (I can't really pull quotes since it's an image, so no quote code this time), one thing I noticed that I thought was great, was your variety of vocabulary. You describe a lot of things with powerful, vivid, and very unique terms that not only just enhance the flavor of this poem in general, but also keep it from sounding repetitive.
I also love how you included a theme of a monarch and her "empire" here, because in my head, there are so many ways to interpret that. Obviously, it could be just a metaphor for life and death itself, but I'm also imagining Mother Nature as cruel as she is beauteous, a life-reaping demoness like Lilith, or even a wrathful nature deity. Very interesting idea to play around with!
Finally, the finishing like, "how flowers collapse to filth," AWESOME. I imagine that being the ultimate name for a metal song (from a metalhead, yes, that's a compliment XD)
Overall, AMAZING poem! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Must admit I wanted to skip this for now but then I read the summary. And checked the title again. And read the summary again and… uhm let’s just say you might want to quickly fix this from “server” into “sever” XD
Onto the work itself!
I like that the first line rhymes in itself. It’s a good start even if the other lines don’t have this feature.
I can see why you put that under your surreal poems folder. I had a few thoughts while reading this. My first thought was: Spider? Because spiders do have a venomous bite and during mating, they are prone to go for the head of their mate. Also I have vague feelings about spider queens so the crown could fit. But then in came the rabbits and well, rabbits are a bit too big for spiders, even tarantulas?
Then came snakes bc snakes do go for rabbits and rattle snakes have… rattles so. Look it checked out in my tired brain xd But I don’t rly have associations between snakes and royalty so that is also not quite it…
I find the line abt eating tapeworm eggs and then becoming a mother (presumably through those) really disturbing so well done =D
So all in all, I don’t think I get it but there are some good words here 😉 I still don’t know how this relates to severing the head q.q