The horizon gnaws at the sun,
a cascade of orange blood
splattering the delicacy of blue,
such a beautiful death I can testify.
White lines like tears
carve and cut their way through the sky,
Ripping it open and making way
for the approaching twilight to peek through
and say hello.
Clouds dipped in honey float leisurely,
watching the clash of colors,
the fight of dusk and dawn,
all the while yawning down at the ground,
liquid gold dripping down down down.
I’ll harmonize with the song of stillness,
everything calm, yet ever-changing.
So slowly does the day fall,
ever gently does God poke holes in the sky each night,
the moon a long cycle of waxing and waning.
I’ll witness it all;
every death I find here,
every carcass left to rot,
even the last threads of life clinging to the sun.
And I’ll watch still
as night is born,
atoms collecting and creating new stars,
the awakening of crickets and cicadas.
I will
witness it all and
I will not
let any sacrifice
be lost to the crumbling shelves of memory.
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140,084 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
Oh. My. Gosh. This poem was so beautiful! You have some extremely vivid and picturesque descriptions in this poem! let's jump right into the review!
And I think about clouds being dipped in honey, it makes me picture this beautiful orange scene. Perhaps a sunset, where the sky is a beautiful color, perhaps a mixture of orange and red and pink and blue. These clouds dip in honey, meaning that they move slowly and calmly, and still. Spring, such a wonderful feeling to my heart, almost like reflecting on a tender childhood memory. They looked down at the ground, perhaps watching us on earth, marveling at their beautiful beauty. Hey, love, how you repeated the word down so many times. They look down at the ground, and then they liquid cold drips down down down. The repetition is a literal representation of what you're saying, which I love so much!
That first line about harmonizing with stillness almost brought tears to my eyes. Like I said, this palm was so vivid and picturesque. Strange to think about harmonizing with illness. Because what could that possibly mean? To me, this means marveling at the beauty, and finally finding that quiet time to just be yourself, and to just be still in silent. You reflect this beauty in your own heart, by allowing yourself to heal. I love how you describe God poking holes in the sky, I picture this beautiful scene of sunrise, piercing through the clouds, perhaps, as the sun rises, or perhaps, as it sets to. Overall, this phone really speaks of standing and witnessing beauty. Not sacrificing yourself, but allowing yourself to stand tall and bold. I love this so much, and it feels like a powerful anthem of strength. Keep on writing I love your poetry!
Your friend,
Ellie
Good afternoon Avian! It's officially February 1st and you know what that means!! It's Valentines month! So to go along with Valentines...I thought I'd do a Cupid's review! Let's dive into your poem, shall we? Cupid's got her love arrows ready, and I'm excited to share my thoughts, Cupid style—consider it a love letter to your verses!
❤️ First Impression: Love at First Verse
Oh, sweet soul, your words hit me like a cupid's arrow straight to the heart! The imagery of the sun bidding adieu, its orange blood splattering the sky—pure poetic brilliance! Those tears in the sky, carving through like love notes from the heavens—talk about an enchanting entrance. It's like the universe itself is serenading the art of love. <3
🩶 Room for Improvements: Cupid's Guidance
The white lines carving through the sky, making way for twilight's gentle intrusion, evoke a sense of transition and change. It's a delicate dance, but delving deeper into the emotional nuances behind this celestial choreography could add an extra layer of richness. What emotions stir within the poet as dusk and dawn engage in their eternal struggle?
💛 Highlights of Piece: Cupid's Shooting Stars
Your verses are like a serenade to the silence of love in the cosmos. The day's graceful descent, God poking holes in the sky—it's like a slow dance in the universe! And that moon, waxing and waning in its celestial waltz—absolute romantic vibes. Well done Avian!
💖 Favorite Lines: Cupid's Love-struck Arrows
This line is a love note to the universe itself! The recognition of every sacrifice, every thread of life, is like Cupid's arrow hitting the bullseye of cosmic empathy. A poetic masterpiece!
This vow is Cupid-approved commitment! Your determination to preserve every sacrifice against the ravages of forgetfulness is a testament to your poetic stewardship. A celestial promise well made! q(≧▽≦q)
🩷 Closing Thoughts: Cupid's Cosmic Applause
Like all writings, we must sadly come to an end. Your poem is a celestial sonata, a symphony of cosmic marvels conducted with eloquence! The blend of vivid imagery and philosophical undertones creates a mesmerizing tapestry of emotions. Keep pouring your heart into it—Your writing was amazing as always! I hope to read more from you in the future. (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
Fly high writer, Cupid 💘
Thanks so much for the review! I love the Cupid theme you got going there! It's very fitting. Thanks for the insight and advice; I'm always grateful for it! Somehow, even you reviews sound like poetry. I'm glad you liked the poem!
Hello! Amazing poem firstly! I love the use of words like 'gnaws', 'splattering', and 'ripping' - it really creates some vivid imagery and creates a beautiful contrast between the two worlds of the poem. It is a haunting story that could be taken in so many different ways, which makes it even more effective and impactful. It is haunting, yet reassuring, that nothing will be forgotten even when it is rotting away, but that which witnesses all has to carry that burden in a cycle of continuous loss.
Very thought-provoking!!
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed my poem and could see multiple meanings; it's always my goal with poetry.