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Young Writers Society

Witness It All and Never Forget

by Avian

The horizon gnaws at the sun,

a cascade of orange blood

splattering the delicacy of blue,

such a beautiful death I can testify.


White lines like tears

carve and cut their way through the sky,

Ripping it open and making way

for the approaching twilight to peek through

and say hello.


Clouds dipped in honey float leisurely,

watching the clash of colors,

the fight of dusk and dawn,

all the while yawning down at the ground,

liquid gold dripping down down down.


I’ll harmonize with the song of stillness,

everything calm, yet ever-changing.

So slowly does the day fall,

ever gently does God poke holes in the sky each night,

the moon a long cycle of waxing and waning.


I’ll witness it all;

every death I find here,

every carcass left to rot,

even the last threads of life clinging to the sun.


And I’ll watch still

as night is born,

atoms collecting and creating new stars,

the awakening of crickets and cicadas.


I will

witness it all and

I will not

let any sacrifice

be lost to the crumbling shelves of memory.

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71 Reviews

Points: 6314
Reviews: 71

Thu Feb 01, 2024 5:46 pm
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Youbeaucupid wrote a review...

Good afternoon Avian! It's officially February 1st and you know what that means!! It's Valentines month! So to go along with Valentines...I thought I'd do a Cupid's review! Let's dive into your poem, shall we? Cupid's got her love arrows ready, and I'm excited to share my thoughts, Cupid style—consider it a love letter to your verses! :D

❤️ First Impression: Love at First Verse

Oh, sweet soul, your words hit me like a cupid's arrow straight to the heart! The imagery of the sun bidding adieu, its orange blood splattering the sky—pure poetic brilliance! Those tears in the sky, carving through like love notes from the heavens—talk about an enchanting entrance. It's like the universe itself is serenading the art of love. <3

🩶 Room for Improvements: Cupid's Guidance

The white lines carving through the sky, making way for twilight's gentle intrusion, evoke a sense of transition and change. It's a delicate dance, but delving deeper into the emotional nuances behind this celestial choreography could add an extra layer of richness. What emotions stir within the poet as dusk and dawn engage in their eternal struggle?

💛 Highlights of Piece: Cupid's Shooting Stars

Your verses are like a serenade to the silence of love in the cosmos. The day's graceful descent, God poking holes in the sky—it's like a slow dance in the universe! And that moon, waxing and waning in its celestial waltz—absolute romantic vibes. Well done Avian! :D

💖 Favorite Lines: Cupid's Love-struck Arrows

"Every death I find here, every carcass left to rot, even the last threads of life clinging to the sun."

This line is a love note to the universe itself! The recognition of every sacrifice, every thread of life, is like Cupid's arrow hitting the bullseye of cosmic empathy. A poetic masterpiece!

"I will witness it all and I will not let any sacrifice be lost to the crumbling shelves of memory."

This vow is Cupid-approved commitment! Your determination to preserve every sacrifice against the ravages of forgetfulness is a testament to your poetic stewardship. A celestial promise well made! q(≧▽≦q)

🩷 Closing Thoughts: Cupid's Cosmic Applause

Like all writings, we must sadly come to an end. Your poem is a celestial sonata, a symphony of cosmic marvels conducted with eloquence! The blend of vivid imagery and philosophical undertones creates a mesmerizing tapestry of emotions. Keep pouring your heart into it—Your writing was amazing as always! I hope to read more from you in the future. (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Fly high writer, Cupid 💘

Avian says...

Thanks so much for the review! I love the Cupid theme you got going there! It's very fitting. Thanks for the insight and advice; I'm always grateful for it! Somehow, even you reviews sound like poetry. I'm glad you liked the poem!

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5 Reviews

Points: 19
Reviews: 5

Thu Feb 01, 2024 2:06 pm
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RazzleDazzle wrote a review...

Hello! Amazing poem firstly! I love the use of words like 'gnaws', 'splattering', and 'ripping' - it really creates some vivid imagery and creates a beautiful contrast between the two worlds of the poem. It is a haunting story that could be taken in so many different ways, which makes it even more effective and impactful. It is haunting, yet reassuring, that nothing will be forgotten even when it is rotting away, but that which witnesses all has to carry that burden in a cycle of continuous loss.

Very thought-provoking!!

Avian says...

Thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed my poem and could see multiple meanings; it's always my goal with poetry. :D

Stupidity's the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.
— William Gaddis