Hey Authorpink!

I'm here to review your chapter. It's really short, but let's see what I can do. (I quickly read over the other two chapters, but I don't think there's much that's been carried forward as of yet, but that's okay - you're only at the beginning!)

I think it's really cool that you're writing a novel in a diary text type. I remember when I was younger how much I loved reading novels that were unconventionally written, like diary entries or a personal correspondence. So, kudos to you for braving this. Not only do you have contend with the regular conventions of writing, but also those that are unique to journal writing.

Text type
As a journal, you should be mindful of its proper conventions. So far, you've been fairly consistent and accurate. However, it might be nice to include the actual date in the chapter. I know it's in the title, but I'm highly doubtful it's not for the purposes of YWS requiring a title. In a regular published format, a novel written as a diary usually doesn't split into chapters. It's quick change and quick to continue forward with. Furthermore, consider this: would someone really sign their full name in their personal journal? Maybe some, but not the majority. It might be better and less formal if Jean's full name isn't include. You could simply sign off as Jean

Plot
After having read the other two chapters, I think there's not much carried through. I understand that it's only the very first stages of the novel, but it might be good to start carrying something over in order to establish some initial conflict or possible conflict. This might be difficult as the chapters are so short, but there's really no harm in writing more. This will further progress character development which I can see as a little limited right now, but no worries! These things take time. I understand the challenges of still having a proper storyline present in a journal format, but I have faith that you can do it with some changes here and there.

Nitpicks
This is the fun part! (Not really. Except for grammar – I love grammar!)

I never thought I would half to choose.

Have

the track teem

Team

I need to make things right, I don't think that I want to choose between my new and old friends.

This is a comma splice. This means that two independent clauses (separate sentences) have been joined with a comma, which is incorrect. The easy way to do this is to employ a period (.) or a semi-colon (;) where the comma is. For more information on comma splices, click here.

Overall, I think this has potential, with some room for improvement. You're consistent with tone and text type, which is commendable. Well done!

I hope my suggestions will be useful and if you have any questions/comments/concerns, please feel free to message me.

Thanks for the read!

Lav

Hey Authorpink, I'm here to review~

I saw this in the Green room, read through the previous entries, and I'm now returning. And I have read. I don't mind diary styled pieces. It's actually a very personalized way to portray your character, your story.

This isn't related to this actual piece here, but I noticed in the part in Jean's Journal where there's basic info in there - I feel like it's unnecessary. That's because I think all of those things can be introduced as you write. She can talk about her siblings in one, her crush in another. You want to make it casual but purposeful. So spread those bits of information across the entries and Jean won't need a "Learn about me" page. Why? Because her diary will be enough.

Onto this actual piece, I think it's short. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I think you can add more. Jean can tell us more about her relationship with her friends. More about herself. I feel like diary stories have an advantage... you can make the MC's voice totally unique and her. And if Jean's likely to write in caps or dramatically use exclamation points, let her! It's her story. Let her tell us what's up. Let her help us learn about her.

I noticed a few errors. I'll point them out and offer suggestions.

Spelling error:

I never thought I would half to choose.

"Have" not half

Punctuation error:

Alex and Kimberly had an argument, the girls from the track teem are backing Alex, and all the other girls are backing up Kimberly.

I kept rereading this because I felt like there was something wrong. Then I figured it out: this is supposed to be two separate sentences. Not just one long one. So I'd remove the comma after argument and replace it with a period. Capitalize the "t" in the after.

I need to make things right, I don't think that I want to choose between my new and old friends.

Same kind of thing here. Replace the comma after the word right with a period.

Something is going on upstairs, it's probably Cody doing a lame wood shop project in the garage.

Same thing. Replace the comma after upstairs with a period.

And that's it. I don't much else to say. I think you can go deeper with Jean's character. I also think you should think about what your story's actually about. Is this just about a girl and her everyday life? Or is there some big conflict that's gonna happen? I guess what I'm asking about is your plot. Maybe I'm missing it (and in that case, please let me know), or maybe it's not there.

I did like reading this. I think you can make this an even better piece with some tweaking and moving things around. Think about voice! Think about plot!:) I hope this review's helpful. Let me know if you have any questions.

Keep writing!

-comrie