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140,545 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
Personally, I understood all of this, which seems contrary to the person above me. I followed you throughout the entire thing- clear diction.
I thought this was great... I agree with pretty much all of it.
I hate creepy old guys. Rather, I just hate creepy guys. Or, just... creepy people. :/
(Lots of them in Prague, unfortunately).
Anywho.
I really liked the simplicity with which you wrote... I thought the trains of thought were fluid, but remained interesting enough to completely hold my attention throughout the entire thing. Overall- great job.
Love the tone, description, imagery, simple but effective word choice... yeah. Great job.
-Coral-
I will say that I lost you at when her friend had to pee.
I do not know what happened after then.
Did they participate in sexual activity.
Or did they just go to the bathroom, come out and start partying again.
The story has too be clear, that anyone can understand it.
I thought it was a great poem.
Though I would kick out the cussing and make it a bit shorter.
You should also add a better name.