z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Adventures of Darren Cassidy - Chapter Five, Part One - Beware the Watchog

by BrumalHunter


Chapter Five – Beware the Watchog

When Palday morning dawned, Darren followed his usual routine: he ate breakfast, collected his things, and met Aiden outside. When they arrived at the school, they met up with Raymond and Tyler and chatted for ten minutes before the bells rang, after which they headed for Evolution. When everyone was seated, Mr Williams began handing out their tests.

‘Well done, Minerva!’ he said, placing her paper on her desk. ‘You scored the highest in the class, as usual.’

The Vulpix nodded, indicating she had expected that, but when she looked at her mark, she gasped.

‘Sir!’

Mr Williams started. ‘What is it? Did I make a mistake in counting the marks?’

‘You must have, since I have ninety-five out of a hundred.’

‘Oh! Phew, I thought I had made another mistake. No, that’s right.’

Minerva frowned at her paper. ‘But where did I go wrong?’

‘We’ll get to that later. Well done Aiden, you got ninety-one, the second highest in the class.’

‘At least I beat you,’ Minerva said, smirking at Aiden.

‘We’ll see who’s smirking tomorrow,’ he retorted confidently.

Minerva scowled.

Mr Williams proceeded to hand out the papers. Darren scored eighty-three, which was fantastic, since he generally scored in the seventies, but he was frustrated to hear Malcolm had scored eighty-six. It seemed he was destined to come after those three.

‘We’ll start with the Mankey puzzles. One-point-one-point-one to one-point-one-point-five’s answers are A, C, D, B, and D. One-point-two-point-one to one-point-two-point-five’s answers are only A, neither, only B, only B, and both. Any questions? No? Good.

‘Question two asked for one term to replace the phrase. Aiden, you can read us the answers. Two-point-one: “Another name for Evolution”.’

‘Metamorphosis.’

‘Sir?’

Mr Williams looked at Seamus, who had raised his vine. ‘Yes?’

‘What does that have to do with Eevee, sir?’

The question shocked the Furret so that it took him a second to respond. ‘It’s Evolution, Seamus. It concerns essentially everyone. Besides, there will always be at least one general knowledge question. Now, number two-point-two: “Eevee’s scientific name”.’

‘Evolution Pokémon.’

And so it continued until they reached question three, when the one word answers ceased and the proper questions began.

‘For some reason, most of the class struggled with this question – and it was the easiest one. Anyway, “What is the species and scientific name of Eevee’s Psychic evolved form?” Many of you forgot to add the second one. The answers are, of course, Espeon, the Sun Pokémon.

‘Next, “What is the species and scientific name of the polar opposite of the Pokémon mentioned in three-point-one?” Duncan, why don’t you…’ A loud snore resounded through the class. ‘Or not… Nicole?’

‘Umbreon the Moonlight Pokémon, sir’ the Ponyta replied.

‘Remember that, everyone! Many of you simply said “Moon”, but it’s “Moonlight”. Three-point-three: “What evolutionary stone could possibly be associated with the Pokémon mentioned in three-point-one?” Tyler?’

‘The Dawn Stone, sir.’

‘“And what effect does this stone have on Eevee in relation to the Pokémon mentioned in three-point-one?”’

‘It causes Eevee to evolve into Espeon.’

‘Who would like to correct him?’

‘The Dawn Stone does not cause Eevee to evolve,’ Leslie answered, ‘but since it counts three marks, you have to add that Eevee evolves into Espeon because of high activity during the morning or the day.’

‘Excellent. “Name and explain three physical characteristics which you can use to deduce that this Pokémon is using Psychic energy.” That was a difficult one. In fact, Minerva was the only one who got it completely right. Everybody said that when Espeon’s fine hair moves because of air currents, it can predict the weather. However, few mentioned that its forked tail quivers when it’s predicting its opponent’s next’s move, and only Minerva mentioned that the orb on its forehead glows when using any form of Psychic power.

Everyone was supposed to get at least eleven marks at question three, so I must say I’m disappointed that Minerva, Aiden, and Darren were the only ones who did. Congratulations to you three.’

Darren was belatedly shocked. He actually beat Malcolm? Grinning like a fool, he gazed at Aiden, who grinned back. Minerva caught the exchange, but instead of pursing her lips and shaking her head, like she would usually have done, the corners of her lips turned ever-so-slightly upwards and she nodded.

It took the rest of the period to finish discussing the test, but when the bell rang, Mr Williams remembered that he had not yet given the class homework. Fortunately for the class, they managed to persuade their Naïve teacher otherwise.

‘What do we have next?’ Tyler asked after they were dismissed.

‘After almost a year of going to the same classes, I’d have hoped you would remember that by now,’ Minerva remarked, coming up from behind.

‘Whatever.’

The Vulpix sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. ‘Alchemy & Nutrition.’

‘See, you could just have said that in the first place.’

‘I can say whatever I want. And by the way, did you read chapter seven like Miss Antoinette told us to?’

‘Of course I did,’ Tyler said a little too quickly.

‘Mmm-hmm, I’m sure. I hope the rest of you did.’ She noticed Darren had suddenly looked away. ‘That’s a very interesting wall, isn’t? What do you think, Aiden?’

‘Hey, I actually read the chapter,’ he declared defensively.

‘It seems you’re in luck, Tyler. Had Aiden and I been partners, you two would have been in trouble.’

‘It’s a good thing there’s a zero chance of that ever happening,’ the Axew stated cheerfully.

‘Touché.’


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Fri Sep 18, 2015 3:59 pm
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TinkerTwaggy wrote a review...



...*sigh* Still relateble, but this is the part of school that I find utterly boring. I'll get into that.

I. Impressions of the Shell Master!

1. Aaaaah, the tests! I really liked those questions. I would have NOT gotte a perfect score on them, though I would've mentioend the Psychic Orb at the front of Espeon's forehead, mostly because DUH, that's from where he shoots his psychic beams. But I assume none of them ever saw an Espeon actually fight (and Ash fought quite a few, one of which belonging to a powerful Frontier Brain. Anabel, to be precise).

2. That Dawn Stone trick question was righeous. Oh, and Astral? You might want to know that an Evee can instantly evolve into Espeon if he gets a special stone called Sun Fragment, or into Umbreon if he gets a Moon Fragment. Although these are stones that you can only find in the Orre Region, it's an information you might be interested in.

3. I agree with Ender there: I'm surprised that Malcolm didn't have any reaction in this chapter, for instance. And it IS true that every classmate react in a specific way - which is especially obvious to see/hear considering that they're NINE.
Food for thought.

4. This is a personal thing: I hate school competition. It's stupid. The first reason is because I'm not really a "constant" person, so it's impossible for me to have the same grades over and over again (be them good or bad), and second because... ugh.. "OMG! I beat you by 0.5 Points! That means I'm smarter than you now :D" ← that is annoying, and a stupid way to think, which is why Minerva better grow up from that state. And so should Aiden.
Again: personal thing. Not an actual problem in your chapter, since you actually portrayed that well enough for me to FREAKIN' HATE IT.

5. Hah. Naïve teacher. Good one. A Naïve Furret is one of the most adorable things in existence :3


II. Conclusion!

Well. Now I'm looking forward for that "tomorrow" Aiden's so itchin' for, since I don't really care about Alchemy and Nutrition as much as BATTLZ AND STRATEGEEZ.

On to the next one!

~Shell Master Tortwag~




BrumalHunter says...


I know you were ecstatic to finally be done with school, but it will always find a way to haunt you! :twisted:

Impressions:
1. You're right, they haven't seen an Espeon fight. If they had, then yes, it would have been obvious.
2. These questions are based off the format for our biology tests, and they just love throwing in questions like those. But I deliberately excluded those two, since they apepar in a different game. (Collisseum XD, I think, though I'm probably wrong. Is the Orre Region mentioned in the anime or games?)
3. Very well, you and Ender win. :P
4. Yeah, you get people who are like that, but they are all still children. Later in the story they will mature.
5. I created the Natures of the teachers directly after creating the roster, and in order of appearance, they are: Mr Cameron - Quiet; Mr Kana - Careful; Mr Williams - Naive; Miss Antoinette - Modest; Mrs Williams - Bold. (Shh!)

Like I said, the Battle is coming. ;)



TinkerTwaggy says...


T_T

1. Eh, it's okay, they're beginners. And to be fair, Espeons are RARE, even in the games.
2. I KNOW, RIGHT. (No you're not wrong. It's XD Gale of Darkness and Colosseum. And NOPE, the Orre region, like a few others, are never mentioned in the Anime.)
3. Thank you XD
4. Well of course. unfortunately I can't always say the same thing for the humans.
5. Well. That IS intersting. They already have natures... Neat.

Waitin'!



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Mon Sep 07, 2015 11:02 pm
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EnderFlash wrote a review...



You have extended periods of dialogue and nothing else. I know it's just test correcting, but each student has their moment of "Crap I got it wrong!" or "I really don't care" for questions. Just try to find a way around only dialogue, because no matter how well-written it is, it's not very engaging after a while. Action, description, dialogue is a decent base that isn't always followed, but can be helpful nevertheless.

Plus, like Buggie mentioned before, your first paragraph and the "And so it continued until question three" is a rather random timeskip. Try to smooth it out.

Annddddd I delayed this to the point where Buggie got most of my complaints. Aiyah.

Impressions and Thoughts!

I'm loving interactions with Minerva. She's the smart kid every school has, and that just gives her so much potential to grow and learn that not everything relies on grades.

You keep a very realistic sense of normalcy here. It's just what school's like, plus Pokemon.

Yeah, not much else happened. Until the next one!




BrumalHunter says...


YWS had eaten this reply (it fancies diacretics to be a delicacy), so I'm replying again now.

Actually, I often tend to skip dialogue and just write the narrative, especially in short stories, which is why I wrote the dialogue here. I thought it would be interesting for the readers to see what the questions would be, but I suppose some people just find tests boring no matter in which universe you find them. The time skips are inexcusable, though.

The exposition will probably be frustrating for a while longer, but it will get better, I promise. ;)



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Mon Sep 07, 2015 4:58 am
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Ventomology wrote a review...



Aha! You finally got this chapter somewhere official where I could review it. Thank you for remembering. :)

Anyways, moving on.

Note: YOUR FIRST PARAGRAPH HUNTER.

I mentally cried when I read this because I know you know better. Even your busy schedule is no excuse for an opening like that.

If you have a chance during a school break or something, maybe you could change it to Darren dreading the return of tests while watching his classmates receive theirs (in great detail)? I just... it's a bit disappointing.

Other things to note:

1. You may want to find a clearer way of denoting the questions. While I have certainly seen tests with all those sub-questions and whatnot, it's a strain on the eyes to look at those numbers when they're written out. (I believe, though you may want to check me on this, that there should be hyphens between the 'points' and the numbers.)

2. As always, lovely dialogue. The interactions are fluid, if not overly accentuated with odd verbs and adverbs.

3. This chapter makes me think Minerva and Aiden will be paired up on a test. I'd actually like to see that, and see how everyone else reacts, of course!

4. You do an excellent job of making the school and classes easy to relate to. I myself have been a member of the did-not-read-the-chapter group, so it was fun to see other characters do it as well. (And naturally, I've also played Minerva and Aiden and bragged when I did read.)

Uh... not much happened. Onto the next part then!
-Buggie




BrumalHunter says...


You're welcome, and, as always, your reviews are much appreciated. :)

Notes:
1. At first, I didn't understand what was wrong with my opening paragraph, but then I realised it was a list. A list of events, at that.
2. Yes, I was concerned about how those questions would be interpreted, and it seems they are confusing after all. I shall address this in due time.
3. Thank you. (And duly noted.)
4. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. ;)
5. I realise the classes are risky, since people don't want to read about being in school and then actually feel like they are in school, so I try to make them as interesting as possible. I am glad that they are perceived as such. :D

Yes, not much did happen. Onwards!




"My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together."
— Bishop Desmond Tutu