Tears She Cries

I really, really liked this. I think it was because I could relate to it really well.

Some things just can't be described,

Some feelings just can't be defined,

Past demons taunting you want to be numb,

But letting them win would be so dumb.

Sitting alone, sorting out the lies,

No one cares to see the tears she cries.

This is great. There is only a few typo's that need to be fixed. The first thing is that this line:

"There are no answers you can only hide."

It seems to me that it needs a comma after answers. Like:

"There are no answers, you can only hide."

The next couple of things are some minor typos, and missing words.

The first one:

"Past demons taunting you want to be numb,"

There seems like there is something missing after you. I'm not exactly sure what you are trying to say.

The next one:

"Not knowing who to count or where to call home,"

I'm guessing you meant to have an on before or. I believe you might have wanted it to be:

"Not knowing who to count on or where to call home,"

That it. I hope this helped. Now, again, I want to say that this is great. I'd have to say my favorite part is:

"Some things just can't be described,

Some feelings just can't be defined,

What happens when you lose it all?

Will anyone be around when you fall?

When you feel all lost and empty inside"

I'm glad you posted this, and I'm even more glad that I read it. Thanks.

-Haley

I love it. I know exactly the feeling put into this, so I can directly relate to it xD
There was major that I saw that you should change, except for the part where every line rhymes.
I get that it's your poem and you have a specific rhyme scheme, aa, bb, cc, dd, etc. But it makes the idea of imagery less... appealing, I suppose. It takes away from the impact, so it's harder to picture what's happening, as I so-often do.
Still, I love it.
The last line has such an impact, and it's beautiful. I can feel the emotions. This single line conveys so much, and it's great.
Like kman says, I can feel the darkness in the poem.
I can feel the emotions you put into it, and in all honesty, it's great. But maybe you can tweak it a little, just to make it flow better?
It's not all that choppy, but you go from talking about demons to talking about home.
Maybe you should add a few lines in to increase the flow, or if it's supposed to be that way, indicate where each stanza is. Some people put dashes, or spaces. I just saw another problem with that, is all.
So, try a few things, figure out what you like, and go for it!
Good job, and keep writing!

I think you did a really good job, and that your poem is perfect.
It has just the right amount of depth to it.
I could read things like this all day long.
Although there was only one thing that I could tell should be corrected, it doesn't matter.
It describes someone I know in the most detailed way, that I can't even explain.
You did a really, really great job.
Keep up the good work!

This poem fills me with heartbreak and sorrow. I can feel the darkness that has been put within this poem. It has some pretty good writing and details. Talking about life and death and meaninglessness, it just brings out an Edgar Allen Poe feeling to it. Well, I hope to see more of your works in the future.

Wassup wassup wassup, my name is Ossum and this is your review!

So I like the message you are trying to give here. It is good and speaks to people. But I believe in your effort to rhyme every line you lost us in your imagery of the situation. Not all things have to rhyme to be powerful, and though this in itself is a powerful piece. It is washed over by a common judgement of beginner writers that everything must rhyme or flow as you will. When in reality it doesn't.

What I mean by this is, if you read this as a whole piece a reader will try to guess your mood and emotion which you establish by the flow of the work. Not exactly the word choice, though it helps. Once we realize that the flow resides in only your rhyming scheme, it makes it harder for us to concentrate on what you are saying and we focus more on what the next line is going to be.

Again, a good piece. And my critiques are those things that take time and time again to perfect and apply to your work.

Later Gator!
- Ossum