I Don't Wanna Hurt You Anymore

Hi,

Erin here to review here for you.

I liked your piece in general.

I'll begin with a few nitpicks:
"I would be lost from sight"... as a sentence didn't work for me. Perhaps something more on the lines of 'I would have gotten lost from sight', or 'I would have left from sight'.

"And all my enemies around, that's an even worse sign"... What connection did this have to the rest of that stanza? Couldn't make that out.

Overall, for me, the first stanza worked the most.
Also, one more thing: when you're using a comma (,), you need to put a single space after that. At many places in your piece you haven't. I take it, that could have been a typo, but just thought I should point it out.

"I was crying, my eyes were red and sore,

Yet I left you alone, because I didn't wanna hurt you anymore"... worked as the best line for me.


Keep writing!

-Erin

*Falls off chair* Oh ... now that ... that was truly beautiful! You have done a brilliant job there!! I love this!! It is very saddening but also awe inspiring!!

(@TheVegetarianVampire this is what I should have said first ...)

hey there ash ...smile is here

i wanna say that your poem was so touching , i almost cried , cause you wrote it from your heart .

__i'll start with the parts i loved which are the beginning and the end :

I was crying, my eyes were red and sore,
Yet I left you alone, because I didn't wanna hurt you anymore.
I never meant to spoil your life,I never meant to ruin,
All I wanted was your love, I wanted you to let me in.

Words cannot express, the pain you caused to me,
And the wreck I caused in your life, I let it be,
Please forgive me for all that I did, I'm away from you now,
I don't wanna hurt you anymore.

these two parts , are simple but very expressive and rhymy .

__for the thing i didn't like is that you didn't add imagery to your poem , for example

describing some situation or something , and it was kinda short for me .

but in general it was so good poem .

so , keep up the good work , see you around

smile

Wow. Wow. I'm suprised this hasn't gotten to the top yet! Oh.. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm SecreteJournalist, but do feel free to call me Brie. You joined this website a day before my birthdate.. And on Friday the 13th.. Awesome! I hope you are loving the site, and if someone hasn't said it yet, welcome to the family(:

I do think I am going to review stanza by stanza.. Hope you don't mind! Oh, and p.s.. You are my 99th review!

I was crying, my eyes were red and sore,

Yet I left you alone, because I didn't wanna hurt you anymore.

I never meant to spoil your life,I never meant to ruin,

All I wanted was your love, I wanted you to let me in.

I thought I could make you happy,make you shine bright,

I didn't know you were ashamed of me, or I would be lost from sight.

I thought you liked me,I never imagined I was a bore,

If I was, I'm sorry, I don't wanna hurt you anymore.


This first stanza drew me in. It's so.. Realistic and relatable. I can feel the emotions just roaring like a rapid river throughout the poem. Great work. I do have one pointer, make sure to space out some of the words right after the comma.. It needs to be fixed a little bit, but it's simple to do, luckily(:



It seems that all along I was so wrong,

It seems that life is never a smooth love song

I was so stupid,to even imagine you'll be mine,

And all my enemies around, that's an even worse sign.

You don't need a comma after stupid. But yeah, I like this stanza too. It flows in a way I like. And the rhyme scheme is pretty organized!


Words cannot express, the pain you caused to me,

And the wreck I caused in your life, I let it be,

Please forgive me for all that I did, I'm away from you now,

I don't wanna hurt you anymore.

"And the wreck I caused in your life, I let it be," I feel as if this line could be put together a little better.

Overall though, this is truly amazing, even with a few minor errors. You did a great job, I loved to read this. Keep writing, I adore this poem a lot!

Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie