Published October 18, 2010
My Dear Americans,
There is something I wish to direct your attentions to, and that something is the existence of British English. Although essentially the same as American English in all the important aspects (else one would cease to be English), there are several marked (but ultimately superficial) differences in typography, most noticeable of which involves spelling. Take "colour" and "favour", for instance: the presence of the "u" is deliberate, as are the "o" in "foetus" and the "a" in "encyclopaedia".
These so-called "extra letters" are not errors; they are in fact perfectly valid spellings. Please stop "correcting" them. It is mistakenly pedantic and ultimately futile considering that the rest of the world uses British English. Although, if one must be absolutely technical about it, the "ae" in "encyclopaedia" should be rendered "æ" with the "oe" in "foetus" similarly rendered as "œ". Alas, standard English keyboards do not come readily equipped with æsc and ethel keys, or ligature keys in general.
In any case, the fact of the matter is that, while Americans in general seem in favor of amputating letters willy-nilly, the British seem to have more of an appreciation for the history of our shared language and so retain the older, more historied spelling, just as Americans insist upon retaining the imperial system of measurement. Please keep that in mind before you go about "correcting" misspellings in an otherwise grammatically sound piece.
With Regards,
P. S. — Give up the imperial system. The British abandoned it years ago, and they invented it. Besides which, metric is far more sensible.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
le bump
Ah Art. I'm going to shed a little bit of light here, as I promised so very, very long ago. Seems you provoked quite a response of cretins coming from the wood-works! Oh-ho-ho little YWS'ers don't get mad. This is satire, and when done best, it is humourous and insulting. The hope is we look at the actual intent and see the true nature of something within! With that, to the review!
My good man might I say you have an impeccable writing voice. Yes, quite chiseled. However, one must always seek to their ideas as much as their grammar and semantics. Let us observe "there are several marked (but ultimately superficial) differences in typography" and we see an admission. An admission, of superfluous nature. Now we might say this is but satire assuring itself of its own nature, but is satire truly satire if it is indecisive?
And truly, I wonder why American English dropped the character of letters in its own words.
Ha! That's better, though...I must say, a little more biting please? This might have avoided misunderstandings, or rather, provoked more! But I will say, valid points in criticizing American English. Keyboards are rather shortsighted in my opinion. Oi vey!
Quite true! Americans do do this. However ma' boy, as do Brits. So make it more venomous! Hit us with more than imploring for a desire, hammer us with a good one two punch! And remember, don't express doubt of your own platform with trivial differences. Necessary, important, culturally, and historically significant differences.
A fine bite of satire. Not heavy handed, truly meant to poke fun, though it can use crisping up. It's a matter of changing the composition of the piece and the nature of a few words. Yet, the responses made acclaim to the potency of your work. Good job AO.
America will change its measurement system when Britain converts to Euros
Why all this negativity? World diversity is awesome. Do we all need the same measurement system? What's next, one world language? One world currency? One world government....? Consolidation is not always a good thing.
As far as the grammar goes, there aren't many people who are fluent in every dialect of English. For example, there are words used in Canada, Brooklyn, Louisiana, Texas, Minnesota, and Britain to name a few that most outsiders would not understand. This all stems from ethnic and geographic background differences, which I believe most of you will agree are not BAD things. It's merely how you were raised or where you come from
No more negativity!
As for the football issue, American Football IS one of the most popular sports here. Yes, it is more pansy than rugby, but also safer
I think I love you. Just today I heard at lunch how the English (does your country in general prefer English or British, do you think?) spell things weirdly. I actually like your spelling better. Ours is always messed up. I'm American, by the way. Ours is definitely messed up. Actually, I think I would go so far as to say that a fair portion of the English language is a little funky. If I were a foreigner trying to learn to spell English words, the silent would probably bamboozle me to no end. Yes, I did just use the word 'bamboozle'.
Keep writing!
I loved this essay, and the P.S. had me laughing.
While it is tempting to write another epistle on accents and dialects, I am unfortunately not as well-versed in them as with grammar. Perhaps another topic.
Why thank you. I wish I could take all the credit.
I's a midwestawna and yu sayin' I's got no ackcent?
Actually very true, part of why our accent, Midwestern Twang, is used in the media. It rings without ringing, it's neutral and inviting, unless you associate it with hick. Which is sooo true.
Honestly I commend Overlord for writing this, as the work itself is nice, but the discussion it has created is very interesting and popular. Good job chap, you went above and beyond a normal review process here.
Oh, man, if you think "co-ler" is bad, you should hear the way people where I live say it! "cuh-lerr", with a very thick "u" sound and a long, drawled "r", is how people where I live speak. (The Southern US, respectively)
It's amazing how many different accents one can hear within the same country; New Englanders speak quite differently from Southerners, and still Bostonians have their own accent. The Mid-western states seem to have almost no accent at all, well, to an American listener, that is.
This is very interesting. Further, a list of the British English variations of words would be helpful as a guide when critiquing. It's so easy to forget that the US shares a language with the nation of its origin, England.
I've run into some interesting differences in both spelling and dialect, as I'm from the southern US, and I enjoy watching some shows on BBC, as well as reading pieces online that originate from various nations.
Truly, the metric system is far superior to the Imperial system; in math it drives me crazy trying to convert fractions and feet and yards and such; why can't the US just use metric? It's so sensible, with decimals that make calculations easy.
Webster wrote the first American dictionary, and is responsible for the alteration of many of the words that differ between the American and British forms of written English. It's my guess that he intended to create a distinctly American form of English to differentiate American culture from British, as America was still a recently formed nation at the time.
Great piece. Might I recommend you do one on differences in dialect and accent next?
PS: It was pretty darn funny too. I can't wait to see what the accent/dialect one will be like, supposing you do one!
Pronunciation defines written and spoken language? Teddy Roosevelt an idol of yours?
There are reasons for colour, humour, etc, which are root in history and when seen for as they are, make as much sense as color. An extra "u" or "e" in a word is not reason for ridiculousness. Using "Mtn Dew" instead of "Mountain", that is INSANITY. There are are reasons why In My Fair Lady it's said that Americans haven't spoken English in years.
While the metric system is indeed distinctly more useful, as several people have pointed out, it would be an immense pain where the sun don't shine.
On the point of spelling, I'll have to disagree. It's not 'col-o-ur', or 'co-lure', it's 'co-lor'.
Although to be honest, I suppose that really depends on accent. Some people say "co-ler", some say "co-lur". So, you know, whatever. But American spelling seems, to me, to fit with the pronunciation. The English language is completely ridiculous, but imho British English is even more so~
Toodles c:
I was just joking with my post. (Well, maybe I was a little serious). I just always wanted a reason to use that pic. :p
But, hey, give us Americans a break. We don't know every word that has extra vowels and it should be YOU to tell us. Don't think everyone knows. :B And us Americans, we just like to be different so we went separate ways when it comes to other things. Don't blame us for our forefather's ideas. :]
Hehehehe. Americans just don't know how to spell. /joking
I like our extra vowels, though I find myself double guessing myself when faced with american spellchecks.... like the site used to have. Kind of glad it's gone, I was sick of seeing red lines under words like colour. XD Now that I have said that, I realise my browser is doing it, must go find the setting and change it...
Bahahaha, tha's so funny. And true. Very true. Overlord, you must ignore the nit-picky American's who 'correct' your spelling. They are a very popular sort which I like to call 'ignorant' or 'unlearned' perhaps. And I do agree with you on the metric system, although it would be a tad difficult to change every ruler in every elementary school from their original twelve inches. Perhaps that is the only issue there, I am not entirely familiar with the metric system; only that it is far more easier to use.
I liked the 'signature' touch, very nice.
-The laughing American,
WaywardBird
Just have to add that there's a law here in the States concerning that darn metric system. I think it happened back in the 80s, and it said, in my non-legal-trained understanding, "Switch to metric or else, fool!" Which is why everything sold here is marked both in metric and imperial, which is how I know 8.25 fl. oz is equal to 244 ml, which is handy for when I travel to Europe and can thus recognize that 250 ml is about a couple swallows.
The most frustrating thing, however, is when you're trying to bake from a European recipe book. Because we measure things by volume here. A cup of floor, two cups of milk. Not weight. Which means that I have to break out a scale whenever I attempt to make something from one of my European cookbooks. Which is frustrating.
But back to your piece! If you want to make it more frivolous and light-hearted, you could add some examples of a ridiculous nature--and don't forget to attack us over our comma usage! ("Why do you insist on adding a comma before 'and' and the last item in a list?" "Why do you make 'that' the restrictive modifier and 'which' the unrestrictive one? That's not nice!")
...and, okay, all right, I can't resist the temptation to argue back any longer.
I was skimming other reviews one day when I saw one that consisted of 'correcting' 'spelling errors.' The reviewer, US American. The reviewee, British. So, I know that such misunderstandings do occur here. I myself, being a comma lover, have one heck of a hard time with it, because sometimes the telltale 'ou' words aren't in a piece, and I have to scramble to decide whether the comma in question is actually in a funny place.
Tragic, I know.
So, I guess there are two problems. One, a reviewer doesn't know that English is spelled differently on the other side of the Pond. Two, a reviewer can't tell what type of English is being used.
We could stamp everything with BE and AE!!! [/joking]
Anyway, the last thing I wanted to add was an angry face at everyone insinuating that American English is somehow subpar or misused or ugly or awful or inferior. Because such insinuaters are wrong. Nothing's wrong with American English. Nothing's wrong with any type of English. British, American, Australian, African-American Vernacular, Jamaican, countless others--all equally valid. And every single language of the world, whether it's English or Mandarin or Guugu Yimidhirr or Navajo, is equally valid and awesome.
Now, the writing system of a language... there you've got to some wiggle room to say that one system's superior to another, but there's nothing about the British system that makes English any easier for, say, a non-native-English speaker to learn, so British and American spelling and punctuation are equal.
The metric system on the other hand... undoubtedly superior, but....
at least we didn't abandon our Old English roots for Latin! Hahahahahaha!
"I love you crazy Americans and how you hate everybody" Haha! Definitely true. But don't hate me, pls?
I read about three replies to this before my ribs (and my brain) started hurting. I love you crazy Americans and how you hate everybody
The most annoying thing about the metric/imperial dilemma is reading American books that involve people driving in cars, and thinking, "You're speeding at EIGHTY! Psssh! My NANA drives faster than that!"
Also, Spellcheck on American computers. Enough said.
Um... to add to the frivolity and make it more ironic and such, you might want to poke a little bit at the other side. I am thinking about Jonathon Swift's ironic pieces... he pretty much slaughtered both sides utterly. xD So! You might consider doing this.
I caught it, but wanted a response from you. I was merely playing the role baby, don't be harsh~
Your John Hancock is a little overbearing. It's the only part of the response which reeks of smug. I would say with great certainty that this is a very descriptive and colorful letter. Nicely done mate.
Most reliable online dictionaries note differences in British and American spellings and usage. As for knowing whether or not someone is British, it is irrelevant; most of the world is taught British English and therefore uses British English. If a piece is grammatically sound aside from certain consistent "misspellings", then the odds are in favor of those "misspellings" not being misspellings at all. It is always a good idea to look up a word that is spelt oddly before correcting it; it may be a misspelling, or it may not be.
To Helpful and Navita:
I am well aware of the history of the spellings on both sides of the pond, but including it and making it humorous at the same time? Well, I lacked the energy and inspiration for it. It is nice to see others out there who know their language history, however.
To my dear Snoink:
As awesome as it would be to be Australian, I am, unfortunately, not.
And I was not aware of slugs being a unit. They sound nightmarish.
Concerning the metric and other jibes:
It seems some of you are taking it a touch too seriously. This piece was meant to be a humorous epistle rather than a satire. If the tone came across as otherwise, suggestions on how to add to the frivolity would be appreciated.
Anything in the US will always be expensive because we're a large country. That's not the point; what is is getting people to back decisions to create and enforce widespread change. We've done this many times, but resistance in this country is annoyingly strong despite when reality shows we would be better off with something else.
Would that be the same for adopting more of British English again? No, I highly doubt it. Linguistics is a two way street, but very chaotic and limited in what actually occurs.
In regards to switching to the metric system, it probably wouldn't work. In America, we have a great deal of people of people, all of whom are very dependent on the system we have now. It would cost a lot of money, too.
Every single football field, as well as tracks and swimming pools, (and we have a ton) like Snoink pointed out, would have to be redone. All of the signs on our highways (the ones that say how far a certain city or state is an such) would have to be removed and replaced. Most food packaging in grocery stores that offer very specific amounts (like pints of ice cream and milk gallons) would have to be reshaped. All of our scales which we use to way ourselves would be discarded and new ones would have to be created and brought into the country. Speedometers in cars would have to change, and gas stations would have to re-figure their pricing.
I suppose it could work, but it would take many, many years and a lot of money for everything to fully settle in.
As for spelling, I agree with you, but it's unfair to make assumptions. While many know differences like color/colour, it's impossible to know every difference. For instance, I did not know that the British spelled fetal with an o until reading this article. What if I saw that in someone's piece, and didn't know they were British? Even if I did, I might not be able to guess that it was a spelling difference.
Just my thoughts.
Haha I love this so much!
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures ... nd+Europe/
No place is better. We all have our flaws. And I'm not being mean about it. Credit goes to the creator.
Well now son wee goin' jus' have a talkin now. Y'see comin here wit cher fancy spellings and writ rules, well das jus' not how it goin' be, sooon.
I's goin' make it clear fer cha, nice clear like. USA! USA! USA! Dem's only three letters goin' next ta each otha.
In other comparison, I agree entirely. The language used in this country is maddening and ridiculous in its nature: it only serves functions set to measure or analyze ideas. Inherently the meaning of the language is non-existent when you break down the manner in which Americans actually speak.
Hehe, this is great. In my opinion those letters which are in the British spelling and not the American spelling aren't 'extra letters', you can hear them when the words are pronounced properly
Yes Snoink, Australia is awesome, but, really? You think WE'RE strange??
And yay for football (soccer)!
I must say, I'm American, and pretty much all I have to say in response is "Agreed."
-Coral-
P.S.
Football (American soccer) is 10x better than American football.
Dang it. Helpful got there before me.
I was just about to point out that 'z' was how it was in England itself before.
That said, I, living in a British-English-speaking country, tend to get bizarrely frustrated at Autocorrect. Force of habit and, I suspect, something of a self-righteous pompousness on (thinking I am) doing it the 'right' way (coughcough).
Oh yeah, and JINX to Helpful. (Again).
I feel I must point out that the 'older, historied' spelling is not actually older than the American spelling; before the American Revolution, there was very little standardization anyway. Some forty years after the Revolution, it happened that the men writing dictionaries in America went for simpler, slightly more phonetic spellings, while in England they preferred spellings that paid respect, as it were, to the French influence; hence all your unnecessary letters. That was when you got rid of all your z's, f'rinstance; earlier, it was common in England to spell words that even Americans now spell with an s with a z. Surprize, and so on.
However, I will fully support the suggestion that Americans stop correcting British spelling, just as soon as Brits stop laughing about my people's historic taste in presidents.
Wounded, probably. But hey! Australia is awesome too! Just a bit strange!
And football is an American craze, lol. It's not just me... it's the nation. We're so awesome that we revolve our units around sports, lol. Bill Clinton actually signed something that made it official that metric units were to be used in the United States, but nobody listened to him.
Also, the slugs thing is a play on words. In the imperial system, there is a unit known as slugs. Look it up! But it's really convoluted. I used it once or twice for a couple physics problems -- hated it. I think, in the end, I converted all the weights to Newtons (because slugs is really a unit of weight-force as opposed to just mass-weight... uh huh) and did it that way. But another classmate absolutely adored slugs... he would actually convert the metric weights to slugs. But then again, he did shoot his neighbor's dog with the neighbor present (and then proceeded to complain how unfair it was for him to stay overnight in jail for that) so he's kind of crazy!
Snoink, you assume I am British. It seems to be a rather common assumption. I do not know whether to be wounded or flattered.
In any case, you would stunt progress for the sake of a rugby rip-off? For shame! I am torn between admiration of your tenacity and exasperation at your foolishness.
P. S. — The misleadingly named "football" is pansier than rugby.
P. P. S. — You seem to be implying that the metric system is as gross as slugs. Surely that is just a case of poor wording.
PFFT. We overthrew you once -- don't make us overthrow you again!
Plus, we totally came up with the first dictionary... which means we standardized it first. The Brits, in this case, are the ones who went willy-nilly! Silly Brits.
And in order for us to accept metric... well... we would have to change football (YES, REAL FOOTBALL, NOT YOUR PANSY SOCCER) to go off the metric system. And that's not happening soon, lol! Just imagine all the football stadiums that would have to be changed! Though, in the scientific circles, we do use metric. What can I say? Slugs are gross.
Oh my gosh, this is amazing!! This is what I've been looking for all my life, someone to just go out there and say it! And dude, seriously, we NEED to switch to metric. I try my best to convince people but not only am I one individual in an entire country, but I'm rather short for my age, which practically destoys my hope. Thank you so much for writing this because people must know this. And it all starts with one person, so thank you so much for stepping up and writing this. KEEP WRITING!!!