z
  • Home

Young Writers Society

It's Gift Giving Day! You can send up to 4 more free gift(s)! 543 gifts have so far been given away! Just 811 minutes remaining...

Give a gift Give a gift to a random person More Info View the rankings

12+

The Perfect Woman

by Ardor


Perfectly poised, a porcelain doll,

Elegant posture, never a flaw,

Radiant smile, concealing a hollowness all,

Flawless complexion, defying nature's law. 

Eternally cheerful, suppressing all pain,

Cooking gourmet meals, while never complaining,

Thoughtfully silent, a perfectly blank screen,

Without an opinion, barely ever seen. 

Obedient and meek, a submissive art,

Man's ideal woman, playing her part. 

Alluring yet distant, a frigid delight,

Never herself, perpetually bright. 


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 127
Reviews: 4

Donate
Tue Jan 21, 2025 4:52 pm
lilian wrote a review...



Greetings! Jumped in for a quick review.

Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. I typically don't enjoy poems that play around with a lot of rhyme, but it suits this poem perfectly. I got the impression of a doll (Well, duh). Though oddly specific, I got reminded of one of those music boxes with a ballerina, slowly spinning/never faltering.

I honestly don't have anything to critique. Just wanted to put down my thoughts. This was a absolutely wonderful piece, I would love to read similar works in the future.




User avatar
1657 Reviews

Points: 187518
Reviews: 1657

Donate
Tue Jan 21, 2025 4:17 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Very on the nose, perhaps yes, but still very poignant. I like how you've used a pretty rigid structure to connect with the symbolism in the poem. It almost has a musical quality, which I find kind of eerie - a little bit like when you have creepy children singing nursery rhymes in an abandoned playground.

The vivid imagery was particularly compelling for me. The 'porcelain doll', 'flawless complexion' and 'radiant smile' are all beautiful but hollow descriptions and I think you've used them well to contrast between appearance and reality. It's almost like a personification of something that isn't human, even though the subject is in fact human.

I think you've kept this to the perfect length to make it powerful and convey the message clearly. Thanks for sharing.

Icy




User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 90
Reviews: 7

Donate
Tue Jan 21, 2025 2:16 am
veranet wrote a review...



Hi, it's Vera here leaving another review.

I wanna start by saying I love this work though that may be controversial because of its topic. You describe the woman in the poem to unrealistic standards like the ones society has on women even now, so I think this is a super accurate way to describe what people actually expect of us. To be perfect, it's simply impossible. It's standards that are too much to fulfill and I think you captured this perfectly.

Overall, I liked the poem and its message is significant. The message can be easily perceived by its reader.




User avatar
288 Reviews

Points: 130
Reviews: 288

Donate
Mon Jan 20, 2025 9:27 pm
Ardor says...



Admittedly, very on the nose.





The wince that you wince when you see your quote in the quote generator is quite a wince, I tell ya. To know that the whole YWS community has read and judged your quote is quite an awkward feeling like oh noes. *manly blush*
— Arcticus