crescent, cross and star

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
-LJF

This. is. Beautiful.

Overall a pretty good job.
I'm no professional on good poetry, its just not my thing, but I can tell this is well done.

I do love how it starts with "light up the dark, lets break bread"
I don't know why i like that as a beginning but I like how it symbolizes a start at something new.

Like i said, i know little about poetry but religion is one of my favorite topics.
I love how you used common words from all three religious cultures, and mentioned Abraham and Jerusalem, which are both common ground for all three religions.

9/10, great job

Hey Arc, you asked and now ye shall receive. So I agree this is a deviation from what you usually write but to be honest, I like it. It's succinct in its language yet doesn't fail to convey the sentiment and message you want to get across. One of unity, peace, reconciliation and and family. I have absolutely no problem with the opening two stanzas, in fact they're gorgeous. Especially the second one, its easy rhythm - the breaking of the hymn which simultaneously loops back to the first stanza and transitions to the next.

Because I'm not familiar with your culture, I can only make half guesses at what Abraham and the other sprinkling of proper nouns refer to but there's enough context to provide an explanation without losing the clarity, whilst adding that authenticity to your poem. There aren't massive problems with this poem, in many ways it's fine as it is so what I say next is only my persona opinion and as always, take it with a grain of salt.

Fourth stanza: mostly it's the tone here, it feels somewhat more jagged than the stanzas preceding it. Maybe it's the shorten sounds of 'at' and 'to' that feels somewhat abrupt or maybe that was what you were aiming for, I don't know.

Now, 'that road from Mecca...' completely took me by surprise and sprang out of nowhere. So I must confess that I feel like I'm missing some cultural connection / connotation here that links it back to your earlier stanzas. But from an outsider's POV, the sudden introduction of said road and two unknown location names kinda cuts the narrative you had going into two. And what's left is this vague sense of 'I kinda get it' but 'I also don't see what point you're trying to make'.

I love the linguistic variations of 'shalom' and you know why . The other thing I want to say is, why does the last line feel so abrupt and cut off? It seems like it's leading somewhere else, a line or two more so that it settles.

'though we may pitch our tents together' and? If you read it through, at least for me, there is a certain momentum that builds up from the previous lines and I'm expecting a denouement or at least a conclusion of some sort. Or maybe, it's the 'though' that start the line and I'm expecting a correspondent out of habit. I guess if it were me, I'd switch the order of the last three lines around

'the night is divine,
we may pitch our tents together
upon a Jerusalem neither yours nor mine'

something along those lines so that it ends on a more conclusive note. Or perhaps, you opted for an inconclusive note, and as you can see with the rearrangement it doesn't quite flow as coherently as the original. But hey, food for thought. I'm curious to know what your intentions were when you wrote this too.

I hope this was of some help, as usual if you've got any questions, feel free to comment. And keep writing! c:

-Wis

Radrook here for a review.

Thanks for sharing this very beautiful poem about three religions, Islam, Christianity and Judaism and the concept of how a harmonious coexistence would be the ideal. I like the symbolical use of crescent, cross, and star as a title. In fact, it is the constant use of symbols such as passing the cup, breaking bread, pitching of tents, ancient hymn, shared rosarie, shalom, which makes this poem fascinating.

The symbols also can make a reader pause and ponder.
Is the use of Abraham as a common figure to the three religions sufficient to portray an ancient harmony? Since the three religions emerged at different times, when exactly did such a harmony come about? What indeed is that ancient common hymn and that shared rosarie? If indeed such a harmony ever existed-then exactly when?


Suggestions:

Does Shalom mean amen? Please note that Shalom means peace and Amen means let it be so.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shalom

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/amen

A very enjoyable read indeed!
Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Hi! Royal here for a review. It'll be short and sweet because I loved this.

I love this message. I love the form you chose, and the flow of each line. I liked the occasional rhymes; they really lend themselves to the rhythm here. What I don't understand is the second line, specifically "the strife's heart." Having "the" in this line makes me think you're referring to a particular struggle, but I think I understood the line in context to mean the speaker wants to break down the boundaries between religions, i.e., strike at the heart of <i>all</i> strife. I would just take out "the" in this line. The rest of it is incredible. Especially the last line, of course! Fantastic job.