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we speak only through the zephyr

by Arcticus



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Sat Mar 10, 2018 7:26 pm
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Audy wrote a review...



Arcticus!

This poem does for me what I believe it sets out to do: recalling the breezy love-letters, the would s/he, won't s/he, and ultimately for me it is about longing. There may be instances of long-distance romances, or it could even be about friendships growing apart, or family growing distant- there is enough vagueness here for all of those stories.

I always love your writing. There is a lot of wonder and mystery, a playful love of language that shines through (That "don't say, love the wait is long! //...don't say 'darling, the road is endless" is my favorite. I think the double negatives made interesting) and I particularly enjoy this kind of narrator who flits and explores comfortably with all that is ambiguity, that gives it a searching, contemplative kind of mood.

I do think there is a balance between exploring all the different turns language can have and saying the same thing but in different, fancier ways. The first stanza says in all too many ways: distant, mirage, ever receding, oasis - and all these wonderful phrases end up each synonymous with one another, so we're not getting anything new out of the lines, rather it ends up being stated things we already know.

The interesting things are there glittering, but gone unexplored.

"we speak as if we'll meet"

"this is my barely there purpose"

"I walk like a man from far away /
in the manner of someone who never arrives"


I LOVE those lines, it gives that air of a mystery where we have to wonder exactly "what" it is that is stopping them and we know to a certain extent from our own experiences, it could be distance - or more likely, it is themselves. Whether by their own lack of power, or capability or commitment.

I think if there's a disconnect between the language and the emotions then it will come with the fact that as a reader - we know it's not a mirage, we know it's not a dream. Yet the narrator is writing "as if" it is and seldom explores outside of that. Such a poem can stand on its own legs, but with those lines bolded above - seems to want to aspire to more.

I hope this helps!

~ as always, Audy




Arcticus says...


Audyy you're back! Yay!

Thanks for reading and for your insights!



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Fri Mar 09, 2018 12:24 am
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Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing this poem about a man who feels that he can never reach the object of his desire. Also for familiarizing me with the word "zephyr". I like the idea of the loved one being described as perched on the lip of the horizon always seemingly receding. It describes a mirage perfectly and conveys the frustration of the speaker very effectively. The interesting thing in this case is that both see to have verbally agreed that the situation is tolerable for the moment and neither one makes an effort to remedy it. So since that is the case,. the speaker is expressing a discomfort with a situation he has agreed with but wishes that it didn't exist. Both seem to be cooperating in furthering a delusion of a possible personal meeting for some unexplained reason. Very enigmatically interesting poem! Looking forward to reading more of your work.

suggestion

barely[-]there purpose.

The last sentence-stanza seems as if an unnecessary repetition of what has already been very well illustrated by the rest of the poem. So there is really no need to tell the reader. In fact, as a reader I wondered why I was being reminded of this obvious fact.





Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
— Ellen DeGeneres