Young Writers Society

Hello there ArctiWolf, it's me again!

Okay, this is really cool! I think it's swell that you decided to enamour us with not just stories about Greg but some about his friends as well. it gives you a lot of space to work with in the future and I definitely will read whatever you put up.

Now, onto the review!

An ant stood on the front lines looking over his squad's victory. This particular ant's name was Trace and this specific victory had been won against a spider many times his size. Trace had repeatedly warned the spider about coming too close to his colony's nest. He didn't have any qualms with spiders but good soldiers follow orders.

Ahh, starting the chapter after a tiring battle, I see! Very ant-like. I recall reading about how many ants actually die taking down invaders, but since you aren't looking at the dark and gritty side of nature very much I gotta appreciate the lovely style of writing you've adopted.

And oh no... the spider... I wonder if i was Greg's long lost friend or something, haha

Trace saw nothing, but trouble on the horizon.

There shouldn't be a comma here.

It was his own kind's doing and that left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.

While this is fairly effective at conveying Trace's feelings, I think it's... too humanlike? I would suggest just saying, "It caused a pang of pain" or something like that. Oh, and you also repeat the word "bitter" twice in quick succession; it's used in the sentence a little before this as well.

It made Trace feel sick just thinking about how much his queen enjoyed the power at her fingertips.

But she doesn't really have fingertips at all hehe

Trace was delighted until he realized that he was being exiled from the colony

Hmm. See, I thought he got lost and that's how Greg found him? I'm pretty certain that's how we're first introduced to Trace.
And besides, this was just a little anticlimactic. One gets the impression that disobeying the queen will lead to a severe punishment, but in the end it's really just what Trace wanted anyway...

they would be really useful right about now

*would have been* not "would be"

Trace had to find that carpenter bee he had spotted, his life depended on it.

Setting the background for how he later meets Doug, hmm? Nice, nice.

Overall this story was just as enjoyable as the others! I'm really quite fond of this little insect world you've come up with. It's nice to see Trace's origin story - although you should make sure it doesn't clash with anything you wrote earlier - and it's quite the revelation to imagine that you can do with a lot of the other characters as well! But whatever it is, I'm happy with these short, sweet little chapters.

Have a good day!

~ Lee

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Ahhh....we have moreeee....and well you can bet Imma review it.

First Impression: OKay...well here we go, more reviewing another one of these....and well on first glance, it looks like Trace was always the ant that we've grown to love here across the other stories, and knowing where comes from is a definitely plus.

Anyway let's get right to it,

An ant stood on the front lines looking over his squad's victory. This particular ant's name was Trace and this specific victory had been won against a spider many times his size. Trace had repeatedly warned the spider about coming too close to his colony's nest. He didn't have any qualms with spiders but good soldiers follow orders.

Well, that's fair enough...I like the policy of the ants there, if you give them a warning that many times, then well, there's nothing you can do when they continuously try to go against those rules. And Trace has a pretty good sense of duty too.

Trace felt a tinge of sorrow looking at the previously mighty spider. The powerful eight-legged beast had underestimated them and in doing so had been brought low. Trace tried not to incite conflict whenever possible. It was his duty as a soldier to protect his fellow ants with the least amount of casualties possible.

That's a good policy to have as a soldier, we already love Trace from what we've seen of him in the other stories, but yes, this just proves that he was always quite an awesome character to begin with there.

Trace had never told anyone, but their triumphs had always seemed bitter to him. They had killed things that, in some cases, could have been left alive. His queen was greedy and Trace saw nothing, but trouble on the horizon. The humans did not take kindly to the injury of their plants.

Well, considering the title of this story it looks like he didn't stay quiet and watch all this destruction but actually did something to go against the greedy policy of this ant queen. Well, at any rate, you're certainly Trace as a character with some pretty strong morals here.

Trace looked up at the damage they had left behind. It was his own kind's doing and that left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. Everywhere she looked all he saw was destruction and plundering, but most of all fear. All the insects of the garden feared his colony, even the other ant colonies. It made Trace feel sick just thinking about how much his queen enjoyed the power at her fingertips.

Hmm, well ant colonies do tend to do that sometimes....even in real life there are colonies that take over an area, and well, to see that reflected in a story and show this one ant that's not agreeing with that is certainly a lovely perspective to see here.

It would one day be ripped away from her and soon if the humans had anything to say about it. Trace had made up his mind, he would not defend his colony against the humans' destruction. It was nothing but corrupt and not worth fighting for.

Hmm, well that's the kind of choice that might just get him exiled I suppose, although I suppose if the humans succeed in their attempts, there won't be a colony for him to get exiled from at any rate.

Trace decided to take this line of thinking down even further. He needed to collect as much information on food harvesting as possible. He also needed somewhere he could shelter. Trace had seen some carpenter bees around the garden fence. No one else in his colony would know to look for him there, he hoped.

Okay, interesting, it looks like he's trying to gather information on how to survive in case something happens to the colony or something along those lines at any rate, it's certainly an interesting detail.

A sudden compulsion to obey and protect the colony washed over Trace. He relaxed his posture, swiping away his previous thoughts of escape. The presence subsided relatively quickly and Trace shook his head to get rid of the resonating orders swimming in his brain. He concluded that the queen must have sent out a new batch of pheromones to control the newest members of the colony.

Hmm, ooooh...never imagined how that particular mechanism of ants would feel like, but well, a lot of fun details about ants are being explored today here and ahh, this is turning out to be a lovely read so far.

Trace's urge to flee became even stronger, the queen would reveal his true identity eventually. Then he would never be able to escape his prison. Trace's squad formed on him, but Trace told them he wanted to stay and overlook the proceedings.

Okay...looks like that's probably going to be the moment where the whole exiling thing starts to happen. He was discovered pretty quickly which is what you expect in a colony like that so I do like how this story gets to that immediately.

His cover was blown, however, and they forcibly started escorting Trace to the queen's quarters. Only the female worker ants were allowed above ground. Trace looked back at the sky forlornly as he was forced down several tunnels and into the queen's quarters.

Aand yup, my prediction was correct, well we already know he survives this meeting with the queen, hopefully, nothing too bad happens to the poor guy.

When his audience with the queen was complete he was escorted back to the open sky. Trace was delighted until he realized that he was being exiled from the colony. He hadn't had enough time to study what plants were safe to eat and which ones weren't.

Well, better be free and having to figure something like that out than continue to be forced to carry out a duty that you don't want to eh? ALthough I suppose for a lone ant out in the wilderness, for the first time without a colony it must be pretty darn scary.

Trace reminisced about his wings, they would be really useful right about now. Unfortunately, he had been required to strip himself of them to blend in with his surroundings. The process had not been as painful as he had expected. Trace shifted uncomfortably, without shelter he would to be food for some creature and soon. Trace had to find that carpenter bee he had spotted, his life depended on it.

Ahhh...I've seen so many ants lose their wings over the years, but I never imagined that could actually be painful, well this is just introducing me to more and more new perspectives, and well, our brave friend here's off on a mission to try and survive. The first bittersweet ending we've had for a story here...but I do still like this one too.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, another lovely do this insect universe that we've got here, I've loved all those short stories so far and this one is no exception. Looking forward to see if we get any more of Trace's backstory, cause we did leave off on a slight cliffhanger in this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hi ArctiWolf,

Mailice here with a short review!

That's very exciting that you are now starting to do a background for Trace. Of all the characters in Greg's story, he seemed to be the best developed. I like that you are taking the time here to grow his character and give a better insight.

I like that the plot here is actually more of a recap of his final battle, with a deeper insight into his personality and how he came to leave his colony. I like that, unlike your story about Greg, the focus here isn't more on the "plot", but a view of his perspective.

I thought you did a good job of making the (let's call it "loose") plot interesting and exciting. I especially like that you managed to make Trace look like a human person, reflecting in the face of chaos and war. I think that makes him very sympathetic.

I also like that you build up a suspenseful and mysterious point with Trace's "true identity". I think that's an excellent point to build up a certain degree of tension in this story without ruining Greg's main storyline with any chronological or plot-related mistakes. It is in fact information that you reveal here that is not necessary to present in the plot of Greg but actually only further emphasises the question of what the ant was doing all by itself.

Other points that stood out to me:

An ant stood on the front lines looking over his squad's victory. This particular ant's name was Trace and this specific victory had been won against a spider many times his size. Trace had repeatedly warned the spider about coming too close to his colony's nest. He didn't have any qualms with spiders but good soldiers follow orders.

What I like about your introduction is that you don't just give a short summary where readers of the other parts of Greg get a glimpse of Trace, but that you also stick to his character and develop him here. The little bit you saw in Greg's POV makes all the more sense when you're already just reading the introduction here. Well done!

The humans did not take kindly to the injury of their plants.

I don't know why this sentence makes me feel so weird that humans don't welcome Trace protecting them from a possible spider in the house.

It made Trace feel sick just thinking about how much his queen enjoyed the power at her fingertips.

I like that Trace is shown as very self-reflective here. He is a warrior and yet not out of passion. Good character development!

In summary, it was a good start to the new arc for Trace! I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes from here.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Hi there! mint here with a review ^^ So starting off, I think it's amazing how you made me empathize with an ant-- you gave Trace an incredibly human personality, and now I won't look at ants the same way ever again... >.> Anyways, I enjoyed reading this and I hope Trace ends up alright! C:

An ant stood on the front lines looking over his squad's victory. This particular ant's name was Trace and this specific victory had been won against a spider many times his size. Trace had repeatedly warned the spider about coming too close to his colony's nest. He didn't have any qualms with spiders but good soldiers follow orders.

Ooh so you've given us some good background info here about Trace! I'm just wondering whether Trace warned the spider personally, because that would make me think he's a pretty significant soldier ant. If that wasn't your intention, maybe you could substitute "Trace" with "Trace's colony," to make it so it's like the general colony warned the spider instead of Trace in particular? Just a super small thing, though ^^ Ah and I'm also pretty impressed that Trace and his squad were able to win against a spider many times bigger than them! Now I'm curious what an ant battle looks like xD

In the next couple paragraphs, I like how you describe how Trace's thinking shifts from being a good soldier ant to deciding he has to escape from his colony. That thinking makes Trace seem so human, and honestly I'm rooting for this ant now :]

Trace's urge to flee became even stronger, the queen would reveal his true identity eventually.

Ooh, I'm wondering what Trace's true identity is! Is he not actually from this colony, or not a soldier ant or something??

His cover was blown, however, and they forcibly started escorting Trace to the queen's quarters.

Hmm, here I'd like to know more about how exactly his cover was blown. Did the queen blow his cover? Or did some other ants find out? I feel like the transition between this paragraph and the previous one was a bit abrupt too, and I'd really appreciate a little more explanation here! C:

Trace had to find that carpenter bee he had spotted, his life depended on it.

Oh dear... it looks like Trace is in quite a bit of trouble here... but on the other hand, it does look like he was able to escape his colony! (At least for now...?)

Overall, this was an entertaining piece to read (with quite a cliffhanger too xD) and I hope you keep writing! Have a wonderful day/night!! =D