cornflower blue

why have i just found you????

*follows*

Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.


Overall thoughts

Theme: This is a rather cliche theme for the most part, but I thought that you pulled it off rather well. Your use of words helped with this and it was that that made this poem different.

Rhythm: Your rhythm was also pretty good. I don't normally read poems like this because the structure tends to mess up the rhythm, but you did it just right. I saw a few rhymes here and there, but I can't be sure if that was intended.

Description: You're use of words to spin a beautiful and yet saddening picture really helped make the poem interesting. It gave some really wonderful images that helped with the mood you were trying to convey. They only problem I had was the fact that you might have used a bit to complex words. It's a delicate balance between too simple words and too complex words and I felt that you strayed a bit to far with the complex words.

Title: I thought that the title was rather interesting. It gets your mind working. I don't really know what cornflower blue is, so it was great to have my mind working through a whole lot of pictures. It is also a great title to draw people in since it's ambiguous, but still ties into the poem.

Overall it was a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

Your friend, Felistia.

This review courtesy of

That ache of the final sentiment, while beautiful, feels like the whispered ending to a different piece, which is to say I'm unsure if it's contextualized enough. Gorgeous, though.

First stanza is flawless to me. You have a rolling momentum and fluidity that only meticulousness can give you, and the editing process has been kind to this piece in whole. A narrator who wants to mourn her loss but also have a story foregoing her death because that makes death worth the wake; it's all very substantial.

Stanza two is devastating and painful, stanza three is painful for a different reason--and that's how much breath it takes to read through the entirety of the lines. I suggest going back with a finer comb for #3 and handling it differently, cutting some of the verbosity and condensing some phrasing into stand-in metaphor.

At one point you bring in a 'we' and it threw me, so consider sticking to pure second for the entirety; I think it'll serve you better. Your word choice is well-vetted and your metaphors are pungent. You've got a submission-quality piece here; it just needs lots of care on that third stanza and some final coats of varnish.

Well done,
Ty