16+ Language

LMS VI: The Colour of Dandelions: Chapter 1.2

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

PreviousNext

The Dandelion District, unlike the organic lifeform it was named after, was anything but. It was a mess of industrial buildings, abandoned hotels and skyscrapers that no one wanted anything to do with anymore. The guards at the crossing were really more for people who lived outside the district than those inside.

He kept crawling on his hands and knees through the undergrowth, although the path had been worn smooth underneath by the many pairs of hands and knees that have gone before him and now, including his. The district was one of the fewer districts within the city that still contained organic lifeforms, well, just weeds really. Hence the moniker.

He heard before it was just the dandelions, the district used to be a sanctuary of all kinds of flora and fauna. It was part of the reason why they constructed the grand hotel which now served as his and many others’ home. After the hotel was completed, it eventually fell into ruin when the main attraction of the district, the colourful flowers and greenery died and the rich and powerful stopped coming to this part of town. Without their wealth, the hotel couldn’t afford staff to keep it running and eventually it was abandoned altogether.

The undergrowth was less undergrowth and more just a tangle of some incredibly tall dandelions and indescribable plant matter that was just thick enough to conceal a human. It wasn’t the only way into the city, but it was the path for those who do not officially register in the citizen index.

He was almost through now, he could hear the sounds of the district. Even late at night, Dandelion never sleeps. In truth, it was likely even busier at night than during the day. Much of the business that happens in the district happens under the cover of darkness.

“Yo, late night K!”

Aha, home sweet home.

“You know it, Bazz.” He sat at the end of the undergrowth which covered the roof of Bazz’s shop; it was how their friendship started on one of K’s first trips out. He had emerged, shaky, nervous and covered in dandelion fluff. “Can I get my usual please?” K jumps down from the roof, landing on the concrete down with a soft thud.

“Already on it.” Bazz’s voice fades as he walks back into the kitchen located at the far end of the shop.

It was a nice night tonight, late summer nights were always his favourites. Just cool enough to sit in the open air and feel the wind on your skin, but not cold enough to make you want to go inside.

“Here ya go.” Bazz popped two bowls of ramen down on the table, the ice cubes in the pork bone broth clinked melodiously with the motion.

K pulled two pairs of chopsticks out from the tin container on the table, snapping both of them clean down the middle he handed one to Bazz.

“Cheers man.” Bazz accepted the pair with a smile, and they both started eating their bowls of ramen quietly.

K sipped the broth, feeling the creamy soup glide down his throat and warming his hungry stomach. The ice cubes cooled it just enough so it didn't burn, he’s rather proud of himself for inventing this little addition to the dish. It made the ramen just right.

“You’re one of the few people I see who’s genuinely so happy over food.” Bazz slurped the last of his broth loudly before setting the bowl on the table.

“The way I see it Bazz,” K picked a strand of broth soaked wheat noodle up, “food from your shop is one of the joys I have in my life and I do not have many of those right now. So I’m gonna savour what I get.” He flashed Bazz a grin and dropped the noodle in his mouth.

Bazz let out a hearty laugh and patted him on the shoulders. “You’re one optimistic son of a bitch K, I’ll give you that. Are you gonna make rent for Si this month?”

He would have minded that question from anyone else, but Bazz was his closest friend here and they rarely kept anything from each other. “I’ve almost got it.” He drained the last of the broth in one gulp and wiped his mouth clean with the back of his hand, “I’ve got one last errand to run tomorrow night in Koowlin and we should be dandy.”

“Again?” Bazz leaned back on his chair, the wooden planks beneath him groaned in rickety creaks. “I don’t like these new errands you keep taking on. Aren’t there any you can take that doesn’t involve you potentially getting lasered into tiny, little pieces.”

K sighed and shrugged his shoulders, “there are but none of them pays as well. Plus, I didn’t get the first jump on the board this month.”

Bazz raised an eyebrow, “something changed?”

“Yeah they changed the system last month, now you can pay to get first picks instead of half fighting everyone to death over it.” K smiled wryly, eyes glancing off in the general direction of the Solera where the jobs would be posted at the start of every month. “I honestly don’t know what’s worse.”

He held up his fist, extending his fingers before closing them in a fist. Opening and closing, opening and closing again. “Before I got to bloody my knuckles for freedom. Now,” he lets out a dry laugh, “I have to get them bloody another way for freedom and somebody gets money. Lose-lose for us all.”

“Lose-lose for us all indeed.” Bazz echoed him softly, “you should head. Get some sleep whilst you still can.”

“Will do, will do Dad.” K stuck his tongue out playfully, but he adores it when Bazz chastises him. It’s nice to be looked after, cared for. K gave a small wave as he headed for the Grand Derelict as everyone called it.

As he made his way back to his home, his fingers reached inside his pants pocket once more checking for the presence of that small metallic button. He found it, still in the packet, smooth and round. He exhaled, relieved.

Si would kill him if he lost this, quickening his footsteps he hurried home.

______________________________________________________________________________

AN: Thank you for reading! A small note here. Whilst I appreciate technical reviews such as spelling, grammar and punctuation, since this is a first draft I very rarely go back and re-edit my own work. I would deeply appreciate reviews that focus on the characters, the believability of the world, flow of story and so on.

Thank you again! 

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
IcyFlame
Review

I'm straight back for 1.2 - you can't keep me away! I know it's been a while since you posted this piece and I'm not sure if you carried on with LMS or with this work in general but if you do happen to post more please feel free to tag me if you'd like me to pop by for a review.

So firstly I think my point in the last half of this still stands - your last line of section one was far more powerful than the last line here. Whilst as the reader I'm still interested enough to read on, I don't feel as hooked as I did after the last section.

I love the juxtaposition of the name of the Dandelion District with the buildings. I think it does a really good job of worldbuilding but also gives a bit of a hint as to the establishment that set up the District and named it - almost like propaganda to make the people living/moving there think it's this idyllic paradise when it's clearly anything but.

There's some good background here, and I like that you kept it short to avoid a big dump of information.

“You know it, Bazz.” He sat at the end of the undergrowth which covered the roof of Bazz’s shop; it was how their friendship started on one of K’s first trips out. He had emerged, shaky, nervous and covered in dandelion fluff. “Can I get my usual please?” K jumps down from the roof, landing on the concrete down with a soft thud.

Same comment as before about the tenses - just one to watch. There's actually quite a lot of switching back and forth in this section.

I like the characterisation of Bazz, and it's a good relationship to establish this early on. It also raises the stakes - there's someone to care if something happens to K and vice versa as well. I'm interested by the character of Si, too. I'm sure we're going to meet him soon and I think that will be interesting.

I preferred part one of this, but I think this led on nicely from it and I look forward to seeing where you go with this story.

Hope this was helpful, and please feel free to ask if you have questions!

Icy

User avatar
Fishr
Review
Fishr wrote a review · Sun Sep 18, 2022 10:24 pm

Hi there!

I enjoyed especially the interaction between K and Bazz. It is obvious the way the atmosphere is set up, these two indeed have a strong relationship. Perhaps a father and son relationship?

The world that is being created is interesting too. I mean the title itself intrigued me enough to see why those pesky little weeds called dandelions would be featured in a title, let alone the story itself.

Since this is only the first chapter, there’s not more I can go on about characterization and traits. However, the glow and descriptions went smoothly and was easy to follow without confusion.

Overall, a great start! Thank you for sharing.



As a former (and rather excellent) liar herself, Aru knew that, sometimes, speaking the truth felt like wrenching a thorn out of your side. But doing the opposite meant pretending it wasn't there. And that made every single step ache. It was no way to live.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality