One thing is sure, the story of how my parents would not make it to the Humans of NewYork or Humans of anything page. They might make it on the back of some paperback romance novel in one of those bookstores you find round the corner.
Let’s set the stage for the actors.
Both of my parents were born in the 1970s, a time when China waddled from Mao’s grip and towards a new era. A time, as my parents would put it where living standards were low but the people were good.
They both shared the same last name but the similarities ended there.
My mother is the youngest of three, and my father was the eldest of two. My mother’s childhood included a lovely deep well filled with clear water, on sunny days the tall bamboo would cast elusive shadows across the stretch of concrete. Pots of flowering plants would drape over the balcony, and the occasional chirps of the finches my grandpa kept would fill the air.
I don’t know what my father’s childhood was like only that it was one he disliked. It was one that reeked of materialistic pleasure and wealth, and to this day he carries it with him. He was the eldest of two child and by far, the least favourite. He was too good, too honest to survive in a family that, according to him was corrupted by power and greed. I wouldn’t know, I’ve been raised to see through that lens.
Like most Asian parents, mine is pretty tight lipped anything that’s vaguely romantic. My father sat behind my mother for the entire six years of high school, and they lived in two different worlds. My mother was a typical good girl, she worked hard but she was not particularly smart. She didn’t stay out late and helped out with house chores.
But of course, there’s two sides to every story. There are very few photos of my mum in high school and even fewer for my father. But from that one photo, of my mother leaning against the rails in a white dress, a smile that hid secrets like whispers in a page. It was no wonder she had boys chasing left and right.
Or at least I think she did anyway, something don’t have to be told to be true.
My father on the other hand, was the hardcore rebel. The edgy kid that skipped school for 5 and a half years and decided in the last 6 months that it was probably a good idea to study. The ironic things was, in the final gaokao, he only ended up 20 or so points behind my mother.
The good end of the deal is, my mother didn’t have to deal with life long regrets.
Fast forward several years until they’ve both finished uni, and I suppose this is the magical part. After university, my mother worked in an insurance company as their accounting manager whilst my father went to work in his mother’s Toyota business as the CEO.
My mother tells me it was fate, my father went to her company for an insurance policy and she had been called in for an earlier shift that day. If it had been some later shift, they would have missed each other. When they saw each other they saw each other as classmates and not as people that hated each other.
Their courtship wasn’t long, one year and they married the following year.
To this day, I still don’t know if my father married my mother because he loved her or because she was pregnant with me.
End of chapter
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140,075 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
I like this. The foundation is clearly there, and the way you present the plot as a whole is great, and got me interested in the text early on. The title and style text even got me interested, drawing me in from the list of other works. If I could give any advice, however, it would be to:
i) Edit the text a bit, or get someone to edit for you. There are quite a few mistakes that detract from the overall reading experience, something vital for a piece like this which is trying to draw you into its story.
ii) This one is a more personal opinion, but I think the ending is a little abrupt and needs some fine tuning.
Other than that, well done. I'd be interested in reading more of this, or at the very least, more of this style of writing.
I like the ideas you presented in this story - you are creative and natural with the way you write. i give you my recommendation.
I really enjoyed and fell in love the lines where you describe your mothers well and her picture - you write it as if she is right there with you. it really had very unique and simple language.
"My mother is the youngest of three, and my father was the eldest of two. My mother’s childhood included a lovely deep well filled with clear water, on sunny days the tall bamboo would cast elusive shadows across the stretch of concrete. Pots of flowering plants would drape over the balcony, and the occasional chirps of the finches my grandpa kept would fill the air".
I like titles with the numbers you created on them; that's made the story easy to understand -it gives me the courage and speed to read and review your work. i am proud of your writing.
i love this line:
you did not only talk about your mother, you also told the readers about your dad - that is a good character development. i am happy you are creative.
"My father on the other hand, was the hardcore rebel. The edgy kid that skipped school for 5 and a half years and decided in the last 6 months that it was probably a good idea to study. The ironic things was, in the final gaokao, he only ended up 20 or so points behind my mother".
It ends on a powerful and interesting note and the story leaves room for more enticement and I enjoyed that flow. I wish I could critic your story, but the truth is, I am still enjoying this story line and i will talk to friends about it.
I noticed several miss up here and there (such as misplaced commas and misused verbal tenses and the misconduct of English grammar ), but what really matters to me now is that concept makes a lot of sense
I hope to see more of this.
It is your friend
nwakaemechinonso12
I really like the start of your story!! "Let's set the stage for the actors". Very Brechtian. I also like the setting of the back-story, 1970s china is not something I know much about. I also like the personal voice your speaker uses when talking about their parents, its kind of distanced and knowledgable! I also like the ending line of this chapter as it keeps the reader hanging on and makes me want to know more!!
One tiny thing, in the penultimate line you repeat 'year' twice. I would just be careful with that because sometimes repetitions of words don't read too well, maybe try and rephrase that line?
Otherwise, I thought it was great!! Can't wait to hear more.
I like the ideas you present in this story, there are moments of true beauty and I'd love to see them expanded. I really enjoyed the lines where you describe your mothers well and her picture, it had very nice language. I think you should try to edit the other sections to reflect that same tone, to make your story a beautiful retelling.
I think you should add a paragraph about why the narrator is unsure, you mention it in a line about the Asian parents being tight lipped, but I think more analysis would be beneficial. Cultural reasons sure, but has anything changed? does the narrator respect that decision or desire to change it?
Overall, I think you have a sound idea, add some more description to improve the overall flow and understanding of the characters and you will have a stellar piece!
Thanks for the review, amelia! I'll definitely take in these points for my rewrite. c:
I like titles with numbers in them; that's what attracted me to this at first.
I feel like this could be the prologue of a story about a main character who struggles with a similar dilemma of her own (something like... should she keep her baby and raise it as a single mother?) and what made me feel this way was the voice of the narrator. It feels personal, like a confession. It takes the reader by the hand and walks them through the lives of two people who could not be more different one from the other, but who got together, nonetheless.
It ends on a powerful and abrupt note and it leaves room for so much more to unfold and I enjoyed that. I wish I had more critiques to dish, but the truth is, I enjoyed this piece quite a lot - from the perspective of its concept. I have noted several hiccups here and there (such as misplaced commas and misused verbal tenses), but I will not go into detail; it's the concept that matters for me.
I hope to see more of this. Kudos!
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it, if you like you can read the other instalments as well.