Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
CHAPTER 2
They sat across from each other with an empty table between them. Trish was the first to talk.
"You're not real!" She exclaimed.
"I'll have roast beef good sir." Arthur said to one of the cottage's servers.
"If you think you can just come in here and..."
Her brother interupted, "Trish, please, this could be a blessing in disguise."
"What?" was her reply.
Dinner came elegantly out of the swinging doors for Quall, Trish, and, of course, Arthur Paul Vincent.
"I've never seen a medium rare piece of meat like this in my life. Thank you, good sir," said Mr. Vincent.
Quall continued, "he may be a dangerous-looking man, but think about the inheritance Trish. We can't let it go this soon. If anything, this collaborates with our plan."
"How did he even know about that?"
"Of course. I can explain." Mr. Vincent wiped his lips with his tablecloth. "I was in charge of a phone line down by the end of the countryside. It seemed to be the only job available for us common folk."
He took a gobble of the rest of his cut and finished his plate.
"I didn't ask for your life story, I asked how you found us?" Trish snapped back sassily.
"Patience is a virtue that is learned by practice."
"I don't think that answered her question," Quall added.
"Okay, I'll make a long story short. After a police raid on my company office, I was found guilty of fraud. I spent almost half a decade in prison."
"This is the short version?" Trish snapped again.
"You're a cruel, heartless woman. As is your brother."
"I don't even know you!" Quall exclaimed.
"But I do. You see, this family, your ex-husband, was the one who called the police on my company."
"How do you know that?"
"Because he was the one who committed the fraud. And you sit on stolen money. All of you."
"So what do you want. A pardon? An I'm sorry? We had nothing to do with that!"
"Exactly, You did nothing. You live off it. You know what prison is like. I consider this karma justice."
"Quall, what do we do. I don't trust him. What if he's lying."
"Where are you going to sleep Arthur?"
"Quall! Stop talking to him!"
"With my beautiful wife of course."
"Quall!"
The servers picked up the plates from the table. Supper was officially over. As the two brother and sister talked about a stranger living with them in the other room, they started to plot.
"He's clearly a marked man, just look at him. That is if he's even telling the truth."
"Trish, listen. I have an idea."
"What. What is it? What! I'll do anything."
"What if he signs a prenup?"
"That's your idea! We're already married, genius!"
"But what if you weren't?"
"Are you seriously suggesting I get a divorce. I just got married."
"Annull it. Make it seem like he rushed you into it, then marry again to another guy. And this time make the name harder for it to be a real person."
"You're insane Quall. That will never work."
Arthur Paul Vincent walked in and gave a solution.
"Actually I think it's a great idea."
"See," Quall said.
"On one condition, I get half."
Quall stood corrected, "No way! That's a half I'm not getting."
"Well you clearly want to get rid of me. Those are my conditions. It's the least you can do for me after what your late husband did to me."
Trish said her piece, "Deal!"
"What" Quall interjected. "Trish think about this. Think about me! Remember what you said early, how we can't trust him. What if he's tricking us. Trish! Trish!"
"Quall! Quall! Remember when you said this was a blessing in disguise Quall!"
"Arthur! Arthur! Arthur will be waiting for the divorce lawyer first thing in the morning. May you two honor your word. If not, that's fine, I don't mind staying in a place like this."
As Arthur Paul Vincent left the room, the siblings went to Quall's room. Quall slept on the floor with the covers as a matress, while Trish laid in bed, restless and wide awake. As the next morning rose into the room with sunlight beams.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Oh it's a huge coincidence that Trish invents a man that happens to be related to her late husbands crimes!
I wish this story weren't just dialogue. The supper arrived and disappeared in an unrealistic timeframe and if you had taken the time to describe what the characters are doing, how they are looking each other, waiting for the other to make a mistake, to get a hint of what Arthur is planning etc would work wonders in pacing the story.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Trish and Quall learn that Arthur was framed for fraud for a phone line company by Trish’s husband and so, he sees their marriage as karmic justice. Trish doesn’t want to be married to him anymore, but Quall suggested they get a divorce! Trish should totally listen to Quall, he’s had good ideas so far!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how you described that Arthur was talking about how her husband committed fraud and then put the blame on Arthur, it shows that there were not exactly good people around in that family. I also like how Quall keeps wanting to take routes that will get them more money, even if it gets more confusing and Trish might get in even more trouble. It shows what his true priorities are.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, an amazing second chapter to the story. I’m not sure if Trish will be able to sign a prenup, but I will wait for the next chapter to come out and see. I’m sure she’s going to stay with Arthur for much longer than she intended, though. And now…
I wish you a glorious day/night! ^v^