Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
CHAPTER 1
"He's gone"
Trish shouted to her brother.
"But to the dog?"
"Yes, what are we going to do Quall."
"Maybe, maybe, maybe just talk to the family?"
"No! His in-laws hated me. I'm not mentioned anywhere in writing."
"Well, we have to do something. He was our only income."
"What are we going to do!"
She started to have a panic attack, out of mourning or selfish reasoning, she became paler.
"Why don't you remarry?"
"No! Heaven's no. Are you kidding? I loved my husband."
"Well, it's either that or we take that dog out back."
"But Quall, we have no money for a gun."
"He didn't leave you anything?"
"Silch."
"Nada?"
"Nothing!"
"How long do we have here until they kick us out?"
"I don't know."
"Do you know anything!"
"I don't know!"
She pouted and pouted until she got bored and tired of pouting. Then her brother turned around and got an idea.
"How about. You remarry."
"I already said no!"
"Let me finish. How about you remarry to nobody?"
"What?"
"Just put down a name, and civilly marry a fictional person, and claim he is a part of the family."
"Um. I'm not sure. That sounds like fraud."
"And giving a dog an inheritance isn't? Come on, at least try it. What's the worst that could happen?"
Trish went to the civil marriage court that day, she filled out the paperwork and headed towards the door, newly married to Arthur Paul Vincent.
Quall paced back and forth, anxious about what would happen.
"Did it work?"
"I think so."
And she would be correct, as Arthur Paul Vincent was indeed all that was needed to draw in a steady flow of inheritance.
"We're rich again Trish!"
"Yeah. I don't know, this feels wrong."
"Oh don't give me that, we were about to lose our money to a dog."
As Trish dimissed her guilt, she would not be in store for what was about to come next.
All the way across the streets of Manchester was a small prison. An inmate sits waiting to be let go out in good behavior. The processing officer comes to check him out.
"Paul Vincent. Here are your things, you are free to go."
He couldn't believe it. Life after so long, resumed. He went to look himself up after so long being in prison, that's how he realized he was married, and rich.
He tracked the lucky bride down, to a high status house, on a cliffside. Trish was ready to go to the countryside as her husband stood at the door.
"Who are you?"
"You must be Trish. I am Arthur Paul Vincent."
She couldn't believe her eyes, was she dreaming? A nightmare maybe.
"What"
"Come now dear, relax, you mustn't be surprised."
"Get out of my house."
"You mean our house."
"Hey Trish, who's this?"
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the macabre S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Trish’s husband has died and he left his entire inheritance to the dog! Her brother, Quall, wants her to remarry. Initially she doesn’t want to do it, but then she comes up with a fake name as her husband and gets more money! Except…that husband isn’t so fake after all.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love that twist ending where there’s an actual Arthur Paul Vincent that exists. I wonder what happened that could have gotten him in prison and how Trish and Arthur will be now that they are married. Trish obviously didn’t think that Arthur would be real, but he is!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely first chapter of this story! I enjoyed reading this and I will be sure to read the next chapter soon! I do hope that the marriage will turn out alright, but I guess I shall wait and see. I now wish you…
A fabulous day/night! ^v^
Hi Antonio. Story was really good especially ending was perfect..
First of all, it’s a well-written and engaging piece. I genuinely hope the next parts are released soon—I can’t wait to see how the characters’ emotions unfold further. The story reflects a powerful message about the current world: as money continues to rule society, emotions are being devalued, and people are becoming increasingly selfish.
What struck me most is how relatable and true this story feels on so many levels. It brilliantly captures the theme of "karma being instantly served." Every character’s actions seem to come back to them in a fitting way, making the story not only entertaining but also morally satisfying.
Trish – She clearly didn't want to end up penniless, so she chose to align with her brother. While it seems she genuinely loved her husband, her priority was inheritance. In the end, it’s no surprise the husband left everything to the dog—it was probably the only creature that showed him pure, unconditional love.
The Brother – A completely spoiled and selfish character. His obsession with money blinded him throughout the story. He showed no emotional growth, only greed.
Paul Vincent– His backstory is still a mystery, especially what landed him in jail for so many years. I’d like to believe he was wrongfully imprisoned. If so, his release and sudden good fortune feel like poetic justice—he deserved that jackpot after the suffering.
Overall, the narrative is strong and layered with meaningful insights. It’s not just a story; it’s a reflection of society and a reminder that actions have consequences.
A true "tit for tat" tale, filled with lessons and ironies that stick with the reader.
Hello, I’m Milesperhour, here to review your lovely story!
I enjoyed reading this very much, and I really hope you continue this because there are so many potentially funny things that could happen with this premise! The dialogue between her and her brother is very amusing, and right away I got a sense of their personalities and dynamic!
I agree with hope’s review in that the clarity could be improved upon, it took a couple of read throughs to figure out what was going on with the dog and I think that more description around the dialogue that could easily fix any confusions.
Overall super funny and well written, nice work!
Heya hope here with a review
BWAHAHAHA
this is so freaking funny.
I started laughing in my living room. This feels like the start of a webtoon.
Can you freaking imagine- you try and do a lil' bit of fraud, and, instead of the person you did the fraud to being mad, they just go 'SICK new wife' and show up?!
Oh man if you do a second part @ me.
ANYWAY.
This is mostly dialogue, the amount of time that passes is unclear. There is no description. Why is the dog getting money? Aside from the punchline its a little unclear. In fact, i would say the biggest issue you have is clairity. You dont want to explain too much, but you do need to work on implying more. There is a lot that needs to be worked on here, but its a soild idea. You have good writers intution, the only thing left to do is to practice!
A good way to express a lot without saying much is by facial expressions. Good luck! Happy writing.