Why?
Why do you go on this way?
Why do you behave one way one second,
and a completely different way the next?
Why are you a perfect charmer with some,
and a total imbecile with others?
Are you kind,
or are you cruel?
Are you sweet,
or are you bitter?
Is it an act,
or have I finally seen your true colors?
Why?
All I want to know
is why.
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,516 Reviews
I don't mean to offend you but I didn't like this poem at all. It shows promise, I won't lie. However, it's just not interesting. Who is this about? What is it about? You don't have to Plath or Shakespeare all the time but the poem has to be about something.
It really sounds like you were trying too hard to be deep. You don't have to be deep. My favorite poet is Billy Collins and he's not deep all the time. One of my favorite poems by him is about being hungover by the hotel pool and wanting to kill all the kids playing Marco Polo. There's nothing deep about that but you know what he's talking about.
Let your audience know who the poem is about because it seems really personal. However, it seems like it's just a teenager whining and nobody wants that.
I don't mean to be mean or hurt your feelings. I'm just trying to help you.
Hi, Angie.
Short, concise, and to the point. It flows well, and it's nice.
But it doesn't show me your view of the world, for they are simply words that explain a situation.
Poems don't have to be deep, but it's always good when they are interesting; when the writer shows the reader his/her perspective of the world/situation. In your poem, all I am able to know is that you're confused. Although I'm pretty sure that confusement brings other feelings in between. And it would be nice if you could give us the opportunity to be empathic or relate to the topic. Another thing that could improve your writing is less talk, more description and more imagery. Create your own metaphors, oxymorons, paradox; your own figures of speech!
I know you have the talent to give it all to a paper. And I look fordwar to read your future poems.
Keep writing!
~ Solly<3