Strong, resilient walls.
They do not break, they do not fall.
I pound and pound, but still they stand.
I scream and yell and plead, but to no avail;
No one can hear me on the other side.
Then, I see a crevice in the midst of this concrete barrier.
It's chipping and pieces start to fall.
Finally! The light begins to pierce through, a welcome sight for lost eyes.
But the light stops, and it begins to recede once again into the darkness.
'No!' I cry.
I beg it to stay.
It's gone.
I stare at this towering barren palisade.
Bitterly, I laugh.
There was no crevice. There was no light.
It was all my imagination-the wall stands, as perfect and impossible as ever.
And it will never come down.
My words will never reach you over this facade.
Because you don't want them to.
And you don't want me.
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,516 Reviews
This did not read like a poem. There wasn't half as much imagery/metaphor as there should be. Throuhgout the entire poem, there is only the image of the wall. That in its self is not a problem, the problem is the way in which you explore the idea of the wall. Everything that you use to describe the wall is wall-like. The wall is concrete, it has cracks. There is nothing surprising or unexpected. Use other images to describe the wall or the light.
Take the fifth line for example. It could be so much more interesting if it said "Then, I see a crevice appear, a thin oasis in a desert of concrete"
Poetry should surprise and delight, it should take you to places that you didn't think you'de go.
I'm not saying it's bad writing, I just think that it's not suited for poetry.
The flow of this feels very...stilted? It feels rather dry and lacks an emotional hook, so I think that the problem really lies therein with the fact that it just doesn't quite "click." This is actually a pretty good poem, and I love that you didn't feel compelled to have too much of a structure when it comes to the length of a line, but something's just not working here. I'm sorry, I know that's really not constructive, but I just can't quite put my finger on it...
On a positive note, I felt like you ended it very well, with that short, direct sentence. It pulled it together really nicely.
Anyway, I hope this helped, and keep writing!