Freedom.
What is it about freedom that makes one thirst for it?
What is it about freedom that makes you risk
Love, companionship, castigation, and even
One’s self?
What is it about this thing, this freedom, that
Is so enticing that
Some might extinguish the life of another just to have it?
Why is it that a person can want freedom so gravely, so intensely,
That they will riot and resist and weep until
There are no more tears to shed?
Is it the hope?
Is it being an individual?
Is it knowing you have a choice?
Who knows?
It’s Freedom.
I wrote it in quite a hurry because it was due the following day. Again, I would really appreciate some criticism because I want to know what I can work on and how to develop my writing.
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Heya Angie!!! <3
I liked this poem. I understand this poem is about how troublesome freedom can be and about trying to understand it. But... you can kind of tell you wrote it in a hurry. (not meaning to sound harsh or anything). It would be nice if you went over it and tried to make it even more understandable and even more... poem-like. I did like how you were asking the reader questions which were unanswerable. It was a nice read.
Deanie x
It is really a great poem but let me give some friendly advice that even I have problems with, like the last review I think you should go furthur in with it. Have some indirect things in it, smilies stuff like that. Readers want to be in your poem. I do love the questions you added in because it makes the readers think and that is always good but you need to answer the question to set it off. But it really is a great poem, with just a little imporvement and more time spent in the poem it could turn out great! Keep up the writing!
i found this poem a bit confusing. i understand that you are talking about how confusing freedom can be but i think there is further you could go with this. i would maybe finish by saying that it is different to every individual person, give example from history because there are so many examples in history, especially American history. This would give the poem a new depth.
That is the section i would expand on because i think that this the best part and matches what i was just talking about. All the best, i think you could go far with this