Sitting on the park bench, thinking of my life, everything looked murky. So many things have happened in such a small space of time that I never realized how much I had lost. The melodious voice of the mockingbird, the swaying dandelions, all of them had turned into a blotch. The present fading away in the murkiness was replaced by vivid images of the long lost past.
It was the year 2002; I was playing in the garden when I heard my mother saying that a new family had moved next door. The following day my mother went with a pie to greet them. They also had a daughter of my age, Lily. From that day on we used to play together everyday. A beautiful bond sprung between us which gradually bloomed in the space of time. Without intending to, we became each other’s worlds. People often misunderstood us as sisters and in a way they were right. Or the way we used to refer to each other, “Sister from another mother”
Lily was sweet and innocent. She had the allure of an angel and her laughter was as musical as bells. While I wouldn’t exactly describe myself as “sweet”. I was an enigma to most people but Lily knew every secret of my heart. Once I punched a boy who made her cry, injuring my knuckles in the process, at which she started laughing and said, “That’s enough my knight in shining armor.” I was there during her first heartbreak and she was there in mine. We were each other’s shadow. But even your shadow leaves you…mine left too. One horrifying day we came to know that Lily was diagnosed with brain tumor. It had reached the last stage and thus inoperable. I cursed and yelled at the doctor but we both knew that things weren’t in his hands anymore.
She had six months left with her. 12 years of friendship and now everything was going to be over. Lily held onto me crying her heart out all the while mumbling, “What will happen to my knight when I’m gone?” I used to hide my tears from her because she needed me, then more than ever.
Two weeks before the end of her allotted six months, as we sat on the porch swing watching the sunset, Lily said, “Maybe this is my last sunset with you.”
With misty eyes and a croaked voice I replied, “I won’t let you go so easily.”
“I have to go Rose.”
“No!” I protested even though I knew it was inevitable. Some things are just not within our reach.
“Please just remember that even when I’m not around, I’ll always be with you as your guardian angel.”
“I know,” I replied, “the ones who love us never really leave us, you can always find them in here,” and I pointed at my heart.
There was nothing else to say because all had been said and even the air felt heavy while a group of larks flew across the crimson sky returning to their nests.
Those were her last words to me. I still remember her words echoing in my ears. I was shattered after that. It has been three years since she’s gone. Yet, there hasn’t been a day that has passed by when I didn’t miss her. Lily was the best sister, confidant, and friend anyone can ever have.
I was brought back to the present by the roar of thunder. Tears ran down my cheeks as I looked up at the angry gray sky and I realized that life is for living but it always helps if there is an angel watching over you. My life had turned like the sky, dark and gloomy. But maybe someday the sun will come seeping through the clouds and brighten my world.
It was drizzling when I returned home, a sweet gentle voice was ringing in my ears, and “Everything will be alright.”
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
Angel Orchid! Hey, it's me, Alf to fulfill my pruhmise
Unfortunately, I think it's only me who'll review this time. Sorry! However, I'll try to do my very best on this one, so don't worry!
I would say I really like this short story. I think it relayed much ideas in a very short prose. Although most of which are narrative and the piece contained very few dialogue, I think it has already established the sense of familiarity within me, that that is real, that that is true. I cannot find a good concrete reason for writing this, but I deem your purpose pure. The concept was well-built and there were few, if not none, cracks here and there, but we'll discuss that later.
How the story progresses is also very understandable; I was never confused along the way, and I think all readers did too. The intention was clear, the flow is one of the best, the concept is pure, now let's go to the different rooms of improvement I found on your piece.
First, the dialogue. The story is good on its own without the dialogue, but I think it will be better with it because there are a lot of lines in the piece that can be elaborated with dialogue. There are many why's and what's that is better coded in dialogue.
The line over there, for example, was a very good conflict in the tale, but unfortunately, almost all of it is blurry. We don't know the why's and the what's. This could be better told in a dialogue wherein we can hear what the bully said to make Lily cry, clarifying the blurriness and thus adding another element to the plot.
The word 'space' provokes a big area or room as an image, which makes the sense of 'time' very misleading. Try something that provokes a length in mind; it could be a string, or line, something like that.
This is a very beautiful line; the voice, the dandelions, those things are very well-written. I think this line can provoke nostalgia. The only thing I don't favor is the 'blotch' word. Expand it. Try: a misty, dark fog or black haze fading away. Not only will the lazy word be gone, it will also be replaced with something that provides a better image.
I think 'went' is a lazy word. Also, it lacks an object. Where did the mother go? Anyways, I think you need to rewrite this lines.
You wouldn't exactly describe her as sweet, yet you already labeled her with it. My, I think this is a very misleading line...
Gorgeous line. Try 'if' instead of 'of'. Or, a better 'when', if you'd like.
Beautiful and poetic. This is one of the piece's strongest lines.
This is a very good way to wrap things up. Just rewrite the last clause, 'and "everything... because it really provides very low sense.
Well, that's it! I belched out my whole think-tank! I hope I helped
Good luck writing!
Yours indefinitely,
Alf
Hey alf! Thanks a bunch for this. I really appreciate it.
Hello Angel,
This work was great! I liked the length, the tone and style, and the overall rhythm of the piece.
Maybe think of adding a little more about your friendship too though, and although the piece is dramatic, a little more build up to the sad part would help make it more story-like (although of course its a phenomenal story already). Add some details about your friendship, when you met, and maybe put in a symbol about how the narrator is Rose and her friend is Lily (possibly add a flower connection there).
Anyway this was great! I was really touched.
Hello Angel!
Oh my goodness!!!! THIS IS AMAZING! (sorry for the caps, everyone)
The idea... The length.. Everything is awesome. I couldn't find anything, at all, to critique!
But, I think what you wanted the reader to feel was sadness, right? Well... Good job. XP
Nice! Keep writing!
Munchkin
That's an encouraging comment and thank u for it!
I hoe you'll read more of my stories 
A very beautiful story here. It brought tears to my eyes.
And I was really touched.
I think you did a really great job by capturing their friendship but I'd loved it if you added some more details, it's an interesting story and I would like to know more about it.
Over all very good theme here and I have nothing to say to you but keep up the good work
I did not want the story to be lengthy so I spared the details.Although I'll keep in mind what you said. Thanks a lot for the review
It feels good to know that people enjoyed my writing.
Hi! Angelorchid..
chancesnchanges here..
Welcome to YWS..
I would like to say that i was captured by your title -- "Guardian Angel", i like it. It made me curious of the content. While reading, i was fascinated about the friendship found by the two girls in a young age. For it was genuine. After reading it, it left me teary eyed. I was touched by the story..
Keep going..
Be strong..
Have faith..
ll
U
Thanks a lot. I was pretty nervous with this one but after seeing your comment i feel confident.