Sticks and Stones

Let me just say first and foremost, that I like how you based your entire line on the phrase, ''sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.'' I dislike this phrase very much, because words can be just like a physical punch or a stab. Words are like real imaginary knives that can hurt us physically and mentally.
ANYWHOOOO, ENOUGH OF MY YAPPIN' LET'S GET TO THE REVIEW!


''Sticks and stones may break my bones

But words will break my trust

Words will break my confidence

Words will build up in my soul

Until all that remains of me is the echo of the words said to me''


The first lines immediately I liked. I like how you described what the words do to you, which I think is very powerful and true. What I would suggest is that, use more punctuation. I know, I have a hard time with that as well, but I gradually began to use more punctuation, so my poems won't seem all rushed and no pausing in between. When you pause, and put punctuations in your poem, it has a calmer, and more relaxed flow. That's the only tweak, I think you should apply, but other than that, very good.



''Any time I spoke up no one took it seriously

“Children will be children”

“You will forget them anyway…”



That is so true. I wish grown-ups would pay attention to little kids, because they now things that some grown-ups have no clue to. Like, I just watched a recent YouTube short about babies and grass. BABIES FOR SOME REASON CAN'T AND WON'T TOUCH GRASS! They're trying to tell us something!



''But they linger, these words

They build and build and build

These words, no matter how small

Swirl around and linger in your mind

Until the break your self-esteem.

Until you are nothing more then those words''


I hate to be nit-picky, but you misspelled then, when its grammatically supposed to be than. SORRY! Anyway, back to the topic. Humans, have a very big memory (well some of us). I can recall memories from like years ago, like they're still stuck in my head. Well, words are kind of like memories no matter how big or small they are, can always ''come back to bite us in the ass'' as Abby Lee Miller would say. I like how you ended the stanza with, ''until you are nothing more than those words.'' Like you have become absorbed with what those words are.



''These words can become so awful

That life seems unworth living…

That maybe... maybe it could all be solved...

With a gun or a rope...''



OKAY, THIS IS THE LAST THING, I PINKY PROMISE! So maybe you could be a little vague with the last line, ''with a gun or a rope''. It just feels... I don't know how to say it, it feels less mysterious. Just describing a gun and a rope makes it less vague.


Overall, I really enjoyed this poem, and I love the play on the phrase!

:3

Hai :3

This poem is so powerful and raw!! The way you’ve tackled the impact of words is super intense and relatable ~~ It really hits home how deeply language can hurt, even though people don’t always see it. The metaphor of becoming a “skeleton of my former self” from the weight of words?? Chills. That’s such a haunting, vivid image that perfectly captures the erosion of self-esteem and spirit over time. You really brought that pain to life in such a visceral way!! I feel it deeply!!

The formatting choices you’ve made (like with the indents toward the end) really build up the tension! That whole part where you slowly space out "finally had enough" is so visually striking and mirrors the emotional collapse happening in the poem!! It feels like the speaker is breaking right in front of you and it’s super effective. I would usually say it's tacky, but it works well here. It's good for a poem like this one.

Any time I spoke up no one took it seriously
“Children will be children”
“You will forget them anyway…”

Nice poem written by the author.

"These words can become so awful
That life seems unworth living…
That maybe... maybe it could all be solved...
With a gun or a rope..."
Well, every situation has different solutions, but I guess this was not the solution to what the author was going through (but I am no one to judge, because its you who knows how it really felt). Life is a test (as per my opinion), it makes you take decisions you later regret, it makes do things in which you never have any interest. But on the brighter side, life offers you to experience everything, it is a unique blend of sweet and sour situations that you face everyday, but be thankful, at least you have a life (I can suggest you one thing, never think your life is unworthy of living, take a shot maybe it is worth living).

Always remember: "Winter always turns to spring, bringing new hope for everybody."
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.