Hai :3
This poem is so powerful and raw!! The way you’ve tackled the impact of words is super intense and relatable ~~ It really hits home how deeply language can hurt, even though people don’t always see it. The metaphor of becoming a “skeleton of my former self” from the weight of words?? Chills. That’s such a haunting, vivid image that perfectly captures the erosion of self-esteem and spirit over time. You really brought that pain to life in such a visceral way!! I feel it deeply!!
The formatting choices you’ve made (like with the indents toward the end) really build up the tension! That whole part where you slowly space out "finally had enough" is so visually striking and mirrors the emotional collapse happening in the poem!! It feels like the speaker is breaking right in front of you and it’s super effective. I would usually say it's tacky, but it works well here. It's good for a poem like this one.
Any time I spoke up no one took it seriously
“Children will be children”
“You will forget them anyway…”
Very very real !!! I hate how society patronizes younger people when it comes to mental health. It's not at all acceptable, but it still happens. Whenever I don't like something, I always turn to poetry to vent out my emotions!! I hope you do too.
Maybe explore how those thoughts creep in though, how they feel in the moment, and then contrast it with the speaker’s persistence in surviving ~~ That balance between despair and resilience is so compelling!! Their words hurt you, but you barely touch on how you ascend past them. What can you do to ignore them, or even change yourself instead of dwelling in your own negativity? Food for thought there.
This poem is gut-wrenching though, through and through. It touches well on something sensitive. The imagery, the structure, the emotion: it all comes together so beautifully!!
- Payton
Points: 7903
Reviews: 57
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