So there’s this boy
His eyes are blue as the ocean
They drown me, I cannot breathe.
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There’s this boy
His hair a beautiful red
Like a flame in the night
It burns me, sets my soul on fire
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There's this boy
He probably doesn't know I exist
I sit behind him in classes
And it pains me
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I want to say something
Tell him how I feel
But I can’t muster the courage to
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I want to talk to him
But embarrassment isn't an option
And if he doesn't like me I couldn't handle it
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There's this boy…
He must be tired
As he runs through my mind all day
He never leaves my head
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There's this boy…
I've fallen for him...
And I wish he would be mine
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140,089 Literary Works • 672,997 Reviews
Howdy!
This was quite a good poem! My best compliment is that it felt real. The scenario and feelings were something almost anyone can relate to, and sometimes that can be really hard to put into words. But you did it! And you did it quite beautifully.
I really enjoyed the first two stanzas, those two felt very poetic, while the later ones felt more down to earth and real, kinda like they were directly doing through someones head.
I don't know how to make this much better, so ill just say you did a great job!
Have a nice day/night!
Thank you so much! This poem was inspired by my feelings towards one of my classmates. I don't want to embarrass myself so I don't talk to him. Thank you for reviewing!
Hi!!
Dropping for a quick review here! I want to start out by saying that really liked your poem, it's short, sweet, genuine and very realistic. I can really visualise everything well which is amazing because it truly is very succinct. I like the refrain at the start of (most of the) verses, it's very casual which is a lovely contrast for how serious the feelings actually are, which is again very realistic because in conversations everybody usually tries to downplay their crushes.
However, I do have a few suggestions, (it's all my opinion and I'm not really that knowledgeable when it comes to poetry so feel free to ignore what I'm about to say)
Up until this point all your verses have all started with the same refrain, all except these two here and over here I feel like the breaks in the verses are not really needed as the flows breaks rather awkwardly over here, the pauses don't fit very well. I would suggest making all one verse. Like so,
Over here the emphasis on the first line confuses me, it's not the last verse of the poem so I'm not really sure if there is a specific reason you have put the entire line in italics, even the next few lines of the verse aren't very different from the other verses. You've put 'boy' in bold so I'm assuming so want to highlight that this person you like is a boy, if that is the case I feel like it would be better to put just 'boy' in italics instead of the whole sentence. like this,
However, if I'm very honest, I feel like the emphasis on 'boy' should happen in the last verse, to me, it just sounds better that way, I feel like it just fits the flow right.
Overall, it's a lovely poem, I really like it's simplicity and the 'less is more way' in which it is written. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Everything expressed is my opinion, accept or reject whatever you want.
Take care!
--KB
(Also, Welcome to YWS!!!
Tysm for your review! I put it in bold as a bold statement, yk? like "there's this BOY" yk? Idk if that makes any sense lol. Ty again for taking time to review!
It's very simple and sweet, I like it! There are a few parts that are a bit cliché but that's alright! From the few times I've had crushes this feels very spot on! I really like the imagery and it paints a very vivid picture. Over all I like it and your a very good writer.
I'm going to be honest here and say that I clicked on this for the points, because who doesn't? But I love poems like this!
I can relate. There's this girl I like but she doesn't love me back. Except we are close friends and very aware of each other's feelings. Perhaps you should try to talk to him? It'll get you very far! Confessing your feelings to him might not be the best idea, but the smartest thing you can do is try to be friends. Of course, there are other facts such as him being the popular kid and you not so much, I've had that happen to me before too. So if that's the case, maybe not approach him like, "let's be friends!" But maybe comment on something you have in common? Who knows, a whole conversation might stem from there! Anywho, I hope things work out for you, and have a good day!