Beneath the Willow

Hey Andrew~

This was very enjoyable to read—almost like a lullaby. Your vocabulary usage is outstanding! I commend you on this, as well as keeping the same general theme throughout your poem; it seems as though there are no tangents or places where it's obvious that your mind may have wandered. This is actually hard to do, so great job.

I've only read a few of your poems (whether you may have known it or not ), and it seems like you're fairly new. This one seems as if it's the shortest poem you've posted on this site. I mentioned earlier that your word usage was very advanced, and while you did a nice job making everything compact and minutely used within the piece, it was almost too fancy. I know people hate being told that, myself included, and trust me, I like big words. But it just took something out of the poem for me.

I read your reply to @Ashkitten83; that you used the words you did to inspire thought by implying alternate meanings. This was an incredibly written poem, and by all means requires the reader to do a considerable amount of thinking to determine the poem's meaning. But this factor also makes the poem kind of dry; figurative language (metaphors, etc.) can have the same effect, and might also draw in your reader. A suggestion that I would give you is to maybe use a bit more figurative description to replace a few of the one-word adjectives. But this is just a note—it wasn't too much of a distraction.

"'Do not gibber,' Says the willow,
'Speak only in effulgent valleys.'"

I assume the capital S in "Says" is a typo; if not I would recommend changing it to a lowercase to blend with the rest of the poem, for I don't think that particular word needs emphasis. The last line just doesn't do it for me; something about the way it's worded, maybe? I don't really know. But I think it might sound better if you said something like, "'Speak only in the most effulgent of valleys.'". I have no idea why, but writing in the way you did sounded awkward and forced.

"The listener will have sodality,
afflated beneath the willow tree."

I thought this was a great closing to your poem; it gave the reader a sense of peace that indicated the wisdom acquired by person beneath the willow tree. However, I think replacing the word, "have" with the word "gain" would better describe the adventure of the listener's mind; in the sense that they are coming to peace and acquiring the ability to think deeper, not just eventually "having" it without any labor on their behalf.

The formatting of your poem was clever, and I really liked the dialogue you incorporated. I appreciated how you were able to be smart with wording and still keep the rhyme; that takes true talent. My favorite part to read was:

"'Beneath my branches,' says she,
'Invoke the inspiration of your soul.'
Be as affable as you are placid,
and mark the quality of the whole."

Thank you for writing such intelligent work!

Yours,
Savvy

I do like it. I feel like you chose a few words out of context. I felt a connection to it and then a sudden disconnect when those words were expressed. I love that you have an extensive vocabulary at 14 that's incredibly impressive, however I kinda feel like that you were kinda throwing those words around without the emotion set behind them. I would say in this poem simpler would be better for me, or use the big words but back them up with the emotion. You know poetry isn't just about brains but also about heart. I do feel something when I read this, but I want to feel more.

Although this poem is short it packs a lot of punch! I have always liked willow trees, they seem to inspire me for some reason. Thank you for writing such an amazing poem, alas, in order to make this a review, we must also examine this poem for mistakes . . . it appears there are none to be found! I like your rhyme scheme and the poem just rolls off of your tongue when you read it aloud which is a good quality in poems. A good poem indeed!