I look at him pleadingly as my friend grabs my hand and starts to lead me to go with her somewhere. I always try to catch his eye and let him know that I just don't want her to feel abandoned, as I had experience with that emotion. This time, though, he isn't even looking as I try to get his attention. His eyes are on Alina, crinkled as he laughs at something she said. A surge of hurt goes through me, as much as I try to shove it down. No. I promised myself I wouldn't be bothered by how much time they spend together. She needs someone who she can talk to, and even if it's not me, I'm not going to take that away from her.
But what about you? You need someone to talk to, too. My inner voice suddenly comes to the front of my mind.
Even if I do, I wouldn't want to put another burden on him like that.
He wants to date you. He has to be willing to put up with you at your worst.
What if I scare him away? I can't lose anyone else right now.
If you don't tell him you'll implode.
Alina's more important.
Then why doesn't he date her?
"Are you okay?" April asks me. I just realized how quiet I was being.
"Yeah," I can only manage a one-word answer through my thoughts as they tighten their hold at me. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head so slightly that April won't see it. As if that would do anything to relieve the anxiety seeping in.
April starts to hum. I open my eyes. We're almost to my locker. I part away from her to get my stuff for the next hour. I can still hear her humming as she walks past me to her locker. The string of conscious loosens.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders..."
Words escape her lips. My mind focuses solely on the words of the song, the tune, the message. My mind drifts completely from all anxiety.
"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, And my faith will be made stronger- Are you sure you're okay?" She's already done. She had grabbed her stuff and walked back to my locker while I was just staring at my folders.
"Yeah." One-word answer.
"Ready for Science?"