Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
He came into my room while i was sleeping
He woke me with a gentle touch to the cheek
My eyes opened and i looked at him, but said nothing
He wasn't wearing any clothes
The cold, hungry look in his eyes gave me shivers
I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me
He pulled my nightgown over my head and climbed on top of me
I begged for him to stop
I said that he was hurting as tears ran from my eyes
"Shh" he whispered tenderly.
His hands parted my legs and he climbed between them
He layed his body on mine, planting tender kisses on my lips and neck
"Daddy," I whimpered. "you're hurting me"
I begged for him to stop
But he didn't
He put duct tape over my mouth when I cried out as he moved himself over me, so fiercely I almost screamed
I begged for him to get off of me
Even though my mouth was covered
But he didn't
The pain was so unbearable I try to cry out
"Don't fight it" he pants over me.
"Accept it"
But i didn't want to accept it
"There's no use in fighting me" he said.
Then he sucks in a slow breath and pants,
"Ah, you feel so warm and soft"
I fought with all my might
Kicking
Throwing my head from side to side
Anything to get him off me
Anything
But nothing works
The pain just worsens
He is bigger
He is stronger,
I am smaller
I am weaker
Finally he stops,
collapsing over me,
gasping for air he buried his face in my neck
He pulls the tape away from my mouth before laying a tender kiss on my lips
He says "Good bye for now,"
and is gone
I lay alone in bed
My body slick with sweat
The inside if my thighs smeared with blood as well as the sheets beneath me
My pillows were damp with tears that still came
My legs were numb
Asking myself what just happened,
And I tell myself...
I don't know
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140,959 Literary Works • 673,783 Reviews
This is terrible... yet so well written...
Hello! ^^ Seb here for a review.
This is a very intense piece, and I compliment you on how well you wrote about it. It must have been difficult to write, and once again, I compliment you.
You could have chosen to put this in the form of a short story, but you chose to make it a poem; that was a wise decision. The fact that it was a poem really added to the effects it had. The line breaks, the stanzas... they all gave it a certain tone which I really liked.
Before I continue, I have a question. Did you leave "I" lowercase for a reason? The fact that "I" was lowercase could be seen as the narrator thinking less of themself because of the rape, it could be seen as them dehumanizing themself. Even if you didn't do it intentionally, it gave a very interesting addition to the poem.
This part of the poem was powerful. The repetition was wonderful, and the simple statements were great.
I only have one or two criticisms.
I would have liked it if you had included more of the narrator's actions. What she was doing, how she was reacting, etc. I think that would have been a good addition.
Also, I believe someone pointed this out, but you continued to alternate tense; you used past tense sometimes and present tense sometimes. Try to stick to one tense.
You did an amazing job with this poem. Keep writing!
Hey Janika! You're wanting me to critique an old piece? Ah, no worries! I'll give you a fresh opinion on all of this.
Okay, so... wow. This wasn't what I expected! But I think you did good with this.
My biggest suggestion is details. Not the rape, necessarily, but the contrast between her body and his. You mention that he is bigger and stronger, and that she is weaker and smaller in comparison. This we know. Most rapists have to be stronger and bigger than their victims to overpower them. Use descriptions to your advantage. Start with describing how old she is. That way, we have an idea of how much or how less strength he has to use to overpower her, and how much he's hurting her. By this, I am referring to the fact that rape hurts more, physically, for a 11 year old, undeveloped child than a 17 year old, developing teenager.
Another thing was: this doesn't feel like a true rape scene. Isn't she gonna fight back? At all? Is she just going to cry and beg him to stop? I dunno about her, but if I was being raped, I would be hitting and kicking and clawing and using everything I have to fight back. I know he used duct tape on her, so she can't bite or scream, but can't she kick or hit him? Unless he's holding all four of her limps down, In that case, make sure you note that somewhere in there.
Other than that, I liked it, even if it was a sad thing to read. I connected to the girl. I felt her pain. I wanted to save her. I think you did a good job of writing this without going into explicit details, and also, conveying emotions. Overall, nice work. Sad, but nice.
Hey Janika!
~ Typos.Shady here with a review for you this fine morning, as promised.
I've made no secret of the fact that I'm not good at poetry, but I'm going to give this my best shot anyway!
~ O.o That was unexpected.
~ Past tense, past tense, present, present-- don't do that. Pick a tense and stick with it.
~~~
Aww. That was just...wonderful, but awful. It made me feel really bad for the girl. Really bad.
You wrote this piece very well, and your imagery is wonderful. Great job!
Not really sure how to comment on this piece, because, well, it's awful. An awful topic. But written very well. You did a very good job of writing about something very bad. Does that make sense?
Hope this helps!
~Shady
I know exactly what you mean
And thanks for the review!! 
I know exactly what you mean
And thanks for the review!! 
This piece was beautifully written, however dark and intense it was. I applaud you for having the guts to write something like this. It's intriguing, and terrifying, and it breaks into emotions that many others couldn't touch. I got chills, and I felt scared, and I was starting to sweat. Usually a poem/short story doesn't entice that kind of feeling. But this was fantastic.
I would like to nit-pick at the fact that you changed from past to present tense. Was that on purpose, like she was reflecting on a memory?
Anyways, this was grand. Keep writing!
-Fire
That is vary dark. But well written and is worded nicely. Despite the darkness of it it was descriptive which is good when you are writing a poem, short story or even a novel. Oh and of course nice job!
Hey, Janika. :3
Anyways, I did like this, and your style flows nicely...and that's about all I can say about the poetry format. ^^'
Here as requested.
So, my overall impression of this poem was "Oh god." It's such a harsh subject, that I was surprised...but intrigued. It takes some guts to post something so heavy on a site like this, so I applaud you. That being said, I did feel that some of it was a little too explicit. Well, let me rephrase. Not necessarily explicit as in inappropriate but as in descriptive. The subject is a great premise to really delve into some twisted emotions, and while rape certainly evokes fear, I felt that only the surface of that emotion might have been scratched. But don't take this as I felt nothing when reading this. From the first stanza, I had a sick feeling in my stomach, which is good...in a weird sort of way, but that's what writing is about, yes?
So, details:
This gave me chills. *thumbs up*
K, I think this is sort of what I wanted to push you to add more throughout this piece. Here, the malice is clearly implied without being too obvious. It's this subtlety that for me creates the greatest emotion.
Now, three different times, you used the word "begging" to describe the girl's struggle. I wasn't clear on if that was an intentional repetition--which in that case, I suppose it works--but if not, I felt that a different word could have been used to replace it once or twice. I'd just suggest playing around with it so that the description doesn't get stagnant.
Other than those couple things, I think the others before me have it covered.
Thanks for inviting me to review this, and I hope my humble opinion helped in some fashion. ^^' You certainly have talent, and do continue pushing the envelope with such sensitive topics. Sometimes I think writers or artists of any medium can become gun-shy of the more extreme subjects. I know I've been guilty of that. So yeah, kudos, dear.
If you have any questions, need a review, or anything at all, just find me on mah page. :3
Much loves,
Bunny
Hello there
Out of the whole piece, this was my favourite part.I finally made it.
So this is a pretty dark subject, I admire the honesty!
Now, poetry is not really my strong point, but this whole poem to me seemed a little bit too forward. There is no air of mystery so to speak. It's like a snippet from a scene in a short story or prose. When I read poetry, I like it when I can 'read between the lines' or interpret certain points because of how they are creatively constructed. The stanza I highlighted above has that. It leaves me asking questions. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with how you wrote it though
Another thing you should take note of is punctuation. This stanza for example is lacking punctuation. If you really think about it, it reads as one sentence because there is no full-stop anywhere! Also, your 'i's are not capitals.
Anyway, this is a very difficult topic to write about and fully convey the right emotions, so I commend you for doing a good job.
Like I said before, poetry is not exactly my strong point, but I hope I could help a little.
Keep writing and good luck!
I think there is something wrong with this site! This must be like the thousandth thing i've read about rape, or torture, or molestation or incest...
If this was a personal experience, or that of somebody you know, then my condolences, BUT I LOVED THIS
I feel dirty, anyway...
I like how you didn't hold back, and just went straight at the subject, holding back on things like this isn't good; no rhyming, nothing, just straight up description and stream of consciousnes has a great effect.
Amazing. Writing about this subject is such a hard thing to do. But you faced it head on. You have courage and I admire that. This was very moving, keep on writing.
Okay first of all look up the Dark I Know Well because this song is a poetic version of that song in my opinion. It's very aggressive and I admire you for that. You tackled an issue with less tact and care than someone doing it for a personal agenda and that's what made it so much more powerful than someone doing it with nothing in there mind more than to prove something. I honestly admire you as a writer.
you're right Jaja!! it was deffiently a step up from the first one
i absoluetly love your poetry you touch on things i'm sure no one else would dare to touch keep writing my buddy. 
Good golly. This poem shows a father raping his daughter. You got nerve to bring light to such dark subject. It is dark, but I like the way you made it. Keep writing for the sake of writing.