Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Sometimes, adults seem not to realize that this life shouldn’t be taken for granted. Caught up in this corrosive routine that involves working hard to maintain a decent living, they seem to have forgotten that we are here to learn something about life, not to ignore it or live it by others directions.

Tragedies can wake them up, as they are not invulnerable beings, making them question their lives and their purpose, leaving them with a powerful will to change something. However, weeks after these tragedies, they fall back in the circle of life, forgetting everything, sometimes experiencing heartbreaking flashbacks, but nothing more. There is no remedy for memory, these flashbacks seem to be like melodies stuck in their heads, but with no result other than setting up a deep-seated feeling of emptiness. They seem to be afraid of upholding the concrete happening that we are the ones responsible for making the most of our lives because no one knows what tomorrow will bring or if there is any tomorrow left.

Hey there! Rain here for a review.

Since this is a pretty short piece, there's less to review but I'll try and touch on all my thoughts!

1) The run-on sentences tend to disrupt the flow. For example:

There is no remedy for memory, these flashbacks seem to be like melodies stuck in their heads, but with no result other than setting up a deep-seated feeling of emptiness.

They seem to be afraid of upholding the concrete happening that we are the ones responsible for making the most of our lives because no one knows what tomorrow will bring or if there is any tomorrow left.

"This is a piece I wrote for a contest, but I was too afraid to sign it in." Girl, you should have signed it in! With a little editing I'm sure you would have kicked major ass!

That being said, I see a lot of run-on sentences. I would break these up.
I'm not sure if "concrete happening" really works in that last sentence.

This reminds me of people who are content to stay inside of their little cocoons instead of bursting out and becoming a butterfly. Gotta get outside of your comfort zone. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Hi there, coehl here!

To begin this review I want to say that this whole commentary or narrative about adult life or human life overall, is very interesting and it's harsh. I like it. To me not many people would bother questioning our routine that is life. The way you describe how people are affected dully by events in their life is very appealing. Which can cause conflicting viewpoints between many people, which I approve of.
Overall this piece is unique to me because it does not strike me as non-fiction commentary, a transcript from a documentary, but to me it's rather straightforward. The way you seem to "cycle" people's lives in this piece is very compelling to me. I feel as though that this piece would have people argue about your message about how we maintain our lives.

In general, this piece was simple, which I feel is needed more nowadays, and it's truthful. You did a good job.