Evading the uneasiness of life,
my steps find their way to you.
I sit down to talk like old times,
Hoping I can still get through
to you. God, it's been tough,
been stumbling at every turn.
My heart's weary of the world
-and my pain causes it to burn.
For years, I've prayed for favors;
only to realise how vain that was.
Asking for someone to hold me,
pining after affection because-
I was lonely and freezing. But
no man could piece together
something this broken. A soul
so lost, belongs only in nether.
You statues don't answer, nor
do any the skies in your name-
When I plead to them, earnestly,
to rid me of this terrible shame.
I realise no man can cherish me
enough, to fill the voids I carry.
Only your infinite can complete
me really; and I'm not at all wary
to give myself wholly, to a God
who shaped me. I make the vow
to devote myself and believe, for-
only your love can save me now.
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141,127 Literary Works • 674,139 Reviews
Hello!
I really like this poem because I think that it really reflects the feeling you're trying to show; of course I can't know for sure if that's the feeling you're trying to convey, but I think it is based on what you wrote. For example,
This part shows the feeling well, I believe, as well as
Also, though this is really a very small detail, the colour palet for the cover image fits very well too! As does the image.
I don't have any ideas on improvement unfortunately, but I think that there is a small error with a comma on the fifth paragraph:
Is this a typo?
Anyways, I find this poem very good as well as deeply spiritual and relatable. I realise that my review isn't very long, I'm sorry! I hope that it was a bit helpful.
Thank you for sharing this poem!!!!
Have a wonderful day =D
- HMMHhehe
Could you elaborate on what feelings you think the poem conveyed? And did you find any parts unclear?
The fifth paragraph , was an awkward deliberate move - I had to place the , right after earnestly but since the next line needed a length push, I bumped it there, so it it is still technically right after but also caters to the structure. I agree that it doesn't look too good though, might get rid of it. Thank you!
I think that the poem showed a feeling of... regret? Weariness? Maybe longing/feeling unworthy/both? I'm not good at explaining things like this, and especially bad at finding fitting adjectives/emotion names, but I guess about that.
I did find some parts slightly unclear, but I don't think I've ever read a poem without finding something in it unclear - exept if you count pre-school season/birthday-themed poems... so I don't think it's a problem, because I think crystal-clear poems tend to end up flat and boring, except if the author is really skilled I guess? I haven't read any perfectly clear poems around YWS that I remember, so I think mysterious is good?
Aaaaaaaah OK I understand that with the comma thank you! It does make sense when you explain it, I think that you can keep it if you want to.
Have a great day again!
What do you think the poem is saying in the simplest form and who is it addressed to? I think it'd help me know if at least that much is clear..