His gaze my way
Emboldens me to
Advance ahead from a pupa
Still lingering, it sets my cocoon aflame
He's the focus glass that swiftly
Burns my papery insecurities away
I'm the rejuvenated, he the
Spotlight
Petrified
Frozen in time
Till he steps in
And sky turns blue
My beloved Spotlight
The shine of all stars, all in one place
He's the pole star directed at me
Together, they revive me back to life
Spotlight
Without him
I cease to exist
As if I never lived
When we talk
My mind teleports
No one but us in the dark theater
He's the only spectator
Me on stage
He's my Spotlight
Me a dying leaf
Till he smiles at me
I then see the Sun in him
Deepening my green
Sunlight of my need
When I'm unaware and feel you looking
Electric gaze on my soft skin
I lift my eyes up
From the ground that looks too deep
Effortlessly in an instant
You've pulled me up the unending cliff
Thrown me in air while I spin
Landing in Flashes
Where I belong most
Spotlight
On a cloudy day
I no longer blend in dark
The fireflies know you
They circle me
In their known death dance
Makes me wonder
If your eyes are a mere mirror
And it's in fact me
The Spotlight
Perhaps I'm the moon
With a light but
I only borrow from you
Makes all the more sense
Me the dark
You my Spotlight
I'm invisible
Yet I know fame
By your eyes sake
That meet mine sometimes
Your gaze makes me taste
What's otherwise so foreign
Something I can never fathom to have
Spotlight
The day you walk away, it'd be forever gone
I know I'd wish to cry in peace
And be thankful that the lights are out
Alone, after a decade, I'd wonder how
The burning spotlight without you
Would have just stung
Now in the dark I go, sinking back into oblivion
For died has the Spotlight, my one true love
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137,978 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Oh I immediately felt intrigued by the line: "Advance ahead from a pupa" because I didn't really expect it nor have I really thought about using a pupa stage as a metaphor like that! Ditto to the paper insecurities being burnt away. What are these lines? They are so good!
I also really like the way the poem is structured!
The comparison to the Moon really fits well with what came before since the lyrical narrator always talks about him being their spotlight. I love this.
Aww thanks for sharing the poem. It really felt like the last line was inevitable. And still, really beautiful!
I'm glad to hear you liked it, Tikaya! Thanks for taking out the time to read and review this. Such unexpected comments always make my day so I really appreciate it.
This poem had lots of emotion and creativity in the words. Hi! It's me, CATS, leaving yet ANOTHER short review...well...I don't know how to write long ones, okay?? This is what you get for tiring yourself out reviewing mine! Let's start!
First, I love how each paragraph has at least one SPOTLIGHT. It's catchy...can be a song or a rap...
The second paragraph makes me think of water and ice. Nice!
The third paragraph gives off hope and energy...I don't know how you can make your poems touch the reader so much.
Ooo...loveeeeeeeee~
LOVELOVELOVE!!! I like it! Very descriptive also. It also tells about how when the narrator is down, the love shines onto him, healing him of sorrows. I love how you put this.
Electric gaze...reminds me of my story lol. Love the intensity in these words.
I also like how you put your love into different words. Creative.
Your lover brings you up into the spotlight...NICE!
So the paragraph after talks about the narrator's lover...so beautiful and sweettt.
Aww...such a tragic twist!!! I was not expecting that. NOOO!!! This poem is actually so emotional and sorrowful. I adored it. Great job and keep going! Happy Writing!
Love,
CATS
No worries, I adore your short reviews! Glad to head you enjoyed reading ^-^ Also, I wrote this from a feminine perspective, so the narrator is supposed to be a girl, just letting you know!
OOP. EMBARASSING...Uhhhh thanks for letting me know. I read fast, and sometimes miss details...
No problem! I don't mention it anywhere so, it's just an insider detail so you aren't at fault here
Oh ok thanks lol. Glad you liked my review
I can't believe this. Undoubtedly a lot of effort and emotions went into composing this beautiful poem. Deserves a lot more likes and reviews. But don't worry, I'll do this for you
First of all, I loved your metaphors. I like the one about your lover freeing you from your cocoon, and essentially turning you from a pupa to a colourful butterfly.
This is perhaps my favorite, though all the stanzas are really sweet <3! One more thing I noticed is that you are not very direct in your metaphors, and being able to see through them kind of gives the reader a sense of accomplishment and joy. Like I interpreted from this stanza that your lover is like the sun of your world.
One more thing that I really like is the repetition of the word 'Spotlight' at the end of every stanza, although the verse varies from stanza to stanza. It gives the poem a good rhythm, and also, to me at least, serves just as a chorus in a song.
While reading your poem, I also felt small narrative element in it. Like, I felt like the narrator was lonely or even depressed at first, before his/her lover came and made life worth living again. I got the idea that the lover listened to the narrator and understood them like no one else did, or at least cared for them no matter what. When, unfortunately, he walks away, the narrator finds him/herself back in the void or oblivion s/he was in before.
Okay, here are a few small things that could be developed perhaps
I know the spelling 'noone' is also used sometimes. Maybe you even chose it for poetic purposes. But, in case you didn't know, 'no one' is the correct form(with a space). I also used to do this mistake myself.
The ending of your composition is beautiful, but the wording 'I used to love' evokes a feeling in me that the narrator has already moved on. It's totally fine, if that's what your tried to express, but maybe your should try something else if you want to add to the healing prospect of a broken love, especially that this is the end of the poem. But again, someone else might see it differently than me
Overall, this is one absolutely marvelous work. I really loved it and great job! I look forward hearing more from you. Also, late welcome to YWS and feel free to reach out to me anytime. See ya <3!
- Hiru
Hey! Thank you so much for giving this a read and dropping such a wonderful review. Glad to hear you liked it. As for your suggestions, they're so helpful. I learnt a new thing today that no one is the correct form, thanks to you. Also, I'm grateful for pointing out the used to love bit in the end. Now that you mention how it can be interpreted, I agree it does sound off! It might be a little tricky to fix but I'll try to work on it and get it sorted as soon as I can. A huge thanks again!